A new year can feel like just a different day, no big deal, kind of like becoming a year older. In a sense it is. It can feel like “nothing has changed” and “what’s all the fuss about” but I think it’s a fresh opportunity to be grateful, to reflect and to look forward.
If you’re very honest and fairly reflective, you’ll know that there were things you wanted to do last year that just never happened. This is a good time to think back on those things, see whether they’re still important and whether they’re a priority for you this year.
For me, last year I wanted to be more consistent in uploading posts here and by the grace of God, I did it. So I’m grateful. Although I did it, it wasn’t as graceful and organised as I would have liked. Sometimes I made it by the skin of my teeth. This year I want to be more organised. I don’t want to settle for the bare minimum. I want to up my game. For example, I want to ideally post a few fictional pieces, so you guys can hold me accountable. The year is 12 months long oh. LOL.
For some of us, it’s easy to think of good things that have happened. For others, it’s a lot harder to think of good things. It might be that you’ve started your year on a downer and it’s a huge effort to keep going every day. I know how that feels. While our specific situations might differ, the sentiment is likely similar. Please believe me when I say it does get better. Don’t let the little flicker of hope die. Protect it with everything. Draw on the strength of the people you have around you. I pray you don’t have to go on the journey alone. I pray you have a shoulder to lean on, someone you can be vulnerable with. Let someone see that you’re hurting, confused, angry whatever it is. Journaling can also be helpful. Pour out what’s in your heart and mind. Better out than in.
One month has already gone by. You’ve made it through one month! Well done you 👏🏽 As I told someone today it can be hard to hope for the big things. Start with the small simple things, e.g, I hope I can laugh at something funny tomorrow, I hope I can have a few minutes of respite from worrying.
For those of us who have not hit the ground running, it’s not too late to start.
Be realistic with your goals.
Rome was not built in a day.
Remember that progress is not linear.
You have absolutely got this! Just like I have 😉
I want to give us a challenge this year. Every night before you sleep (or whenever fits your schedule), say at least one thing that you’re grateful for out loud. Try to vary the things you express gratitude for. This is not to say you can’t say the same thing twice this year lol or even in one week. My emphasis is on thinking about it instead of mindlessly repeating the same thing.
Sweet Lord Jesus, thank you for this new year. Thank you for bringing me to the end of the first month of this year. There have been highs and lows but you’ve seen me through it all. It’s so beautiful that you see all of us, in our individual circumstances and you’re able to meet us where we are. The years change but you never do. You’re our constant in a world of change. Lord as we continue this year, help us to lean on You and those you’ve placed around us. Help us to remember that difficult times don’t last forever. Help us remember to celebrate even the small wins. I pray that you help us to be more disciplined with our goals and balance that with extending grace to ourselves and others. Let’s have a blast this year! In Jesus name, amen
As the year has drawn to an end, conversations and time spent with loved ones has been very important. As I reflect on people I’ve seen and spoken with, I am filled with a renewed sense of gratitude for the amazing people God has blessed me with.
For me, this year is ending on a high, very different from how last year ended. I am very grateful for that. I was saying to my best friend just a few days ago that this year had been full of positive surprises. These blessings have caused me to dig deep and stretch myself and the benefits have been rewarding.
There are three things I want to leave with you
1) Reflect on your 2025 – name one thing you’ve learned, one thing that surprised you and one thing you’re looking forward to next year
2) Count your blessings (name them one by one) – try to do 12; don’t neglect the seemingly small things we take for granted
3) Review your disappointments. Are there things you can learn from them? Would you do anything differently as a result of the experience(s)? Can you see God’s presence/hand in the midst of the disappointment?
Lord, here we are at the end of 2025! What a year it has been. For some of us it had been our toughest year with no opportunity to catch a break and yet for others it has been blissful. For many, it had likely been a mixture of both experiences. In the midst of it all, we give you thanks for your constant presence through the highs and the lows. Lord, I pray that the bad does not eclipse the good in our memories. Lord, we look forward to a new year, knowing you are already there ahead of us. We commit 2026 into your hands. May this new year bring more Illumination to our spirits. May we experience deeper peace, joy and contentment. May we fulfil your plan for 2026 as we walk in step with you. For the tough times that this year brings help us to keep our eyes on you and never let go of your hand. For the great times, help us to be grateful and remember we didn’t do it in our own strength. In Jesus’ precious name we pray, amen.
Do we desire unconditional love? Of course, we do. But there is only one love that can truly satisfy our deepest longings. We expect people to love us perfectly; But we struggle to love ourselves perfectly, how much more extend that love to others. It’s not wrong to expect someone who professes to love you to love you well. It is not enough for them to say “That’s how I am”. The way you are can change.
We should be humble enough to receive the feedback and insight from others about our blind spots; So we can grow and strengthen the weak areas. We are ALL on this journey. So we need to deal with each other gracefully.
It will take time and effort but if love is truly involved, the effort will be made.
While the effort is being made, be grateful.
Extend the grace you would wish to receive yourself.
Lasting change is not instantaneous.
Encourage and water the seeds.
Cover the multitude of sins
And see how that love blooms
Love is a doing word, a verb. So what do you do when something hasn’t gone well in a relationship? Let me remind you that I’m not an expert. I don’t have it figured out. I am trying to live this out, same as you and sharing my musings as I go along.
Speaking out in relationships/about life issues
When you’re not happy about something (in a relationship) And you don’t speak out, the issue doesn’t disappear, it festers It might not be at the surface but it is releasing poisonous gases into you As you compress the volume of unresolved emotions, pressure increases within you (like in Boyle’s law). The more you say I’m fine while dying inside, The more you build that pressure. A tiny spark changes the temperature and causes things to ramp up (like in Charles law, this increases the volume of those emotions ) [you didn’t know you were gonna get a chemistry lesson right? Haha 😝 ] One day there will be an implosion or an explosion; And people, maybe even including you, will be shocked. They’ll say but (s)he was fine. What happened? Where did this come from? It came from all the anger and hurt that was suppressed.
If there is no one you can talk to, there is always the One, your Father God who sees and knows ALL the angles of this situation, Talk to him. Cry, moan, scream, write, do whatever you need to do to vent; But create an outlet for your pain that is not destructive to you or others. The One will bring someone into your life, either directly, through books, sermons, what have you; Someone who will walk with you through the hardship. If there is a person involved in the pain, after talking to God about it, try to talk to the person as calmly as you can. Write down what you want to say if you think it’ll be too hard to verbalise. As much as it lies with you, try to make peace with this person. Manage your expectations. If the peace is not forthcoming, go back to the Prince of Peace. Ask for the next steps. Be obedient.
To tie it all together, over the last few months, I’ve talked about our very valid, deep desire to be loved unconditionally. We can only receive this type of love from God and we aspire to love others like he loves us.
We also have a need to feel psychologically safe in our relationships, with God, ourselves and others. Fear is a major barrier to safety but when we know that we have a kind God who believes the best about us and is unmovable, we can allow ourselves to relax into his love and experience the transformation he gives as we bring our real, unfiltered selves.
We are all on the journey of learning to love unconditionally. Journey signifies movement and action. There must be a desire to change coupled with actions taken to recognise where we are, receive feedback, have honest conversations and work with God, ourselves and our loved ones to live out that change. Let us be gracious towards one another because change is hard and we will make mistakes along the way.
If you missed the first two posts in this series, I would recommend reading them to understand the context of this post.
I would love to know how you’ve found this short series and what your thoughts are on the things I’ve written about. I pray it has blessed you and made you pause to think about yourself and your love life.
Lord Jesus, we thank you for all you have revealed over these three months. We are grateful that you continually call us higher, to be more like you. Lord, in and of ourselves, we can’t do it and so we ask for your help. Forgive us for the times we have missed the mark and soften our hearts so we are truly repentant and contrite. Help us to be brave enough to look inward at the places where we are not doing well. Help us to be humble enough to listen when we are corrected and given feedback even when it hurts and we feel justified or misunderstood. Remind us that perfect love casts out fear and that you have no part in fear. You chose us knowing all our flaws and have promised that nothing can separate us from your love, so help us to stand firm in that knowledge. Let it sink into the deepest parts of our psyche and silence the lies of the enemy. Help us to be kind and gracious in the way we broach difficult conversations so that our relationships can deepen and flourish. Lord increase our capacity to receive the love you lavish on us and increase our capacity to give from the bounty we have received, in the precious name of Jesus, amen.
I’m sorry I did not post yesterday. I should have planned better. That being said, let’s get right into today’s post.
A while ago I watched a movie which made me think about how sometimes as the church (the people in the church), we are lacking in compassion. In this film, a pastor’s wife was very critical of others, very controlling, authoritarian and was the moral judge of all. Her tongue was scathing and life was very far from it. With every word she spoke, she was cutting people down. She condemned a teenage girl in church who was pregnant out of wedlock and essentially isolated this girl and her mother. I think this girl later died shortly after childbirth although if she’d received help from the pastor’s wife for appropriate medical care, she might have survived. Little did Mrs Pastor know that her teenage daughter was also pregnant and seeing how her mother handled her friend’s pregnancy, opted for an abortion. I don’t remember what happened to the pastor’s daughter.
Seeing this play out was sad for many reasons. One reason was that the girls in this plot were not treated with grace or compassion. The fact that the pastor’s wife was the perpetrator of this wickedness made it worse. You’d hope that she would be a go-between if she observed that in her church. More importantly, the knowledge that this film reflects what happens in real life.
The fact that the consequences of someone’s sin are publicly expressed does not make the sin worse than someone else who seemingly gets away with it. For example, Premarital sex is wrong, period. A resulting pregnancy is not a reflection of the “grade” of the sin. Stealing is a sin, period. Whether you’re caught or not is not a reflection on how bad the sin is. All sin is inherently bad. I don’t believe God has a ranking scale for sin. All sin has the same spiritual consequence – separation from God. The physical consequences can differ based on what’s done. Someone who steals food worth £5 and someone who steals millions are both wrong but the (physical) legal consequences will be different. I think as humans, one mistake we make is that we use the physical consequences of a sin to rank how bad it is.
Yesterday in church we discussed Jesus’s interaction with the Samaritan woman at the well (John 4:7-30,39). Although Jesus spoke the truth to her he did this gently and without condemnation so much so that she left the interaction, not to hide in shame, but with a desire to bring people to Jesus. It is not documented that Jesus tutted at this woman and demanded she fall to her feet weeping in repentance before he offered her living waters and unfettered access to God.
The church, this mammoth structure with many expressions, is in reality made up of imperfect people like you and me. Many times we get it wrong as we work out our salvation. Oftentimes we might need correcting or someone to help us examine our behaviour. (Read Luke 17:3-4)
I think there are a few things I’d like us to consider.
As the church, we are not called to judge non-Christians by God’s standards. Their (im)morality is not based on a relationship with Jesus so we should not be surprised if their actions go against what we believe to be right.
As the church we are called to be careful when we think we’re standing firm and ensure we’re not on the edge of a downward spiral. Don’t be so sure you can not make the same mistake you’re judging someone else for. (Read 1 Corinthians 10:12)
As the church, we’re called to be many things. We are NOT called to be judgmental, full of condemnation, threatening and guilt-tripping (verbally and otherwise) people into submission. We do not motivate (read control) people with fear. That is not what God stands for. The Holy Spirit who is our guide convicts. He does not condemn. So let’s take our lead from him in our interaction and even thoughts about things we see.
Lord, I thank you for this topic of how we respond to others when we think they’re out of line. I know I’ve been guilty of judging people in my mind even if not outwardly. That’s not better than someone who judges outwardly. Lord forgive me for these times and help me to be more aware of when I’m doing this. Lord help me to remember that I’m not perfect and I’m not “better” than anyone. We just make different types of mistakes but your grace and mercy cover us all. Lord help me to be compassionate towards others and instead of judging, let my first instinct be to lift them in prayer. In instances where you might be encouraging me to speak with a person, grant me a heart of compassion such that I deliver the truth your way. Just as I might correct people, help me to also be open to receiving correction from others as required. Lord help us to be accountable to one another without taking offence. As we start to wind up the year, if there are people in need to apologise to, where I’ve been harsh, Lord reveal to me. Grant me the courage and humility to apologise and make amends in Jesus’s name, amen.
Hey guys 🙂 How has the month of October treated you?
Today, I’m writing on the concept of destiny helpers. I will share what that means to me and I’d like to know what you think and whether you’ve personally had any experience of this.
I have heard this term “destiny helper” used increasingly probably over the last 5 years. It has been around a lot longer of course. For me, I’d say over the last maybe 12 months or so, I have been more aware, open or more curious about this concept.
Let’s start with what destiny is. For me, I would say destiny is the future that has been preset for you to live by God. Some would equate this with fate. I would say they are two different and cannot be used interchangeably. Destiny deals more with a future that is not assured but can be worked out whereas fate is predetermined and nothing you do can interfere with the preset outcome. I’ll talk more on this later.
As per Merriam-Webster dictionary
What does the bible say about destiny?
Destiny is the divine purpose and plan God has for each person. God is very intentional. He does things for a reason. Everyone he creates, he has a plan for (Jeremiah 1:5). Some people say God has a plan which he creates a person for, meaning his plan precedes the creation of a person to meet that need and fulfil that plan. Within God’s plan, we have free will and he allows us to exercise it. At times we are clearly kicking against his plan such as with Jonah running away from Nineveh (Jonah 1:1-3) and Saul (Paul) being an enemy of the church (Acts 26:9-14). Other times in spite of the enormity of the call, we accept it such as Mary (Jesus’s mother) (Luke 1:27-38).
I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.
Jeremiah 1:5 NLT
God is sovereign and this is called providence. This means that your actions can be vetoed by God if they interfere with his principles or an overarching plan such as the tower of Babel situation (Genesis 11:1-9).
Regarding the difference between fate and destiny, my earlier sentiments are echoed online. Sources suggest that fate has a sense of being inevitable whereas destiny requires personal agency to fulfil it (please see references).
For me, I don’t believe fate is something God generally endorses because he has given each person free will to choose whether to fulfil the destiny he has planned for them. However, some parts of the Bible make me question this. For example, Esau was rejected from the womb (Rom 9:13, Genesis 25:23) and so I wonder whether his mistakes were inevitable? How much agency did he have to change what had been spoken about him before his birth? I don’t want to get sidetracked so I’ll let you ponder on that and you can tell me what you think. If everything were down to fate, then we might as well quit while we’re ahead. Nothing is within our control and we just hope we have fallen on the right side of history.
There is a tension between fate and destiny even in the Christian faith. (The Christian faith is full of tensions.) This whole article could be about that but not the topic for today LOL! For example, it says in Eph 1:11 that we are predestined to be God’s children but it also states in Romans 10:14 that we have to go out so people can hear the gospel and fulfil that predestination of being God’s children. We also see people influence God to change their fate such as Jabez and Hezekiah. I believe destiny has a greater role in Christianity however God in his sovereignty can alter the predetermined fate of a thing. Also, it is worth noting that someone might be walking in a calling or gift they have but not be using it for the kingdom of God.
Back to the actual topic of today which is destiny helpers.
The destiny we have from God is often bigger than we may have chosen for ourselves and might seem impossible, unachievable and this is where help comes in. We will always need people to support us to fulfil the destiny of God, not in a sense that they take over but they assist and help align things so we can achieve that which we should. As such a destiny helper is someone who has a pivotal role in helping you fulfil your destiny. They may be someone who upholds you in prayer, shows you favour or makes a connection that was beyond you. For a long time, I was suspicious of this concept or term. This might be due to my Christian upbringing in terms of the churches I attended and the circles I walked in. I think I also wondered whether it was more to do with superstition than “proper doctrine” things.
When I reflect on my life, I have definitely experienced favour. I have never doubted that but I didn’t associate it with any “concept”.
Over the last 12 months the term “destiny helper” has no longer made me uncomfortable. Before this time, I did not really know how to respond to prayers about destiny helpers. In the last few months, I have experienced huge favour. There was a programme I felt God was leading me to do and I was unsure because it was a huge commitment. Around the same my bosses recommended a different avenue to achieve a similar end to what I was originally going for. I contacted someone as part of preparing for the programme. The person was a bit sceptical but they went out of their way to find out about my programme and even though they were sceptical agreed to support me. I was flabbergasted. I said this can only be God. As I pondered on this experience, this was a destiny helper and it has taken me experiencing it in this way to understand. Some things in life are properly understood by experience and for me, this was one of them.
If you’d like to read more about destiny helpers, the last few links of my references has more information. I have not read them in their entirety so I cannot vouch for them as such but they can provide some insight into the concept.
So I am intrigued, what do you think about fate and destiny and how that all interacts with God’s sovereignty?
What do you think of my experience of a destiny helper?
Have had a similar experience of destiny help?
Are you perhaps unsure of this term or maybe even the concept?
Lord I thank you because you are a good God. You are intentional and you are full of love for me. Lord before I was born you had a plan in your mind for me to fulfil on earth. I thank you for entrusting me with your plan. I pray that you will give me increasing knowledge of your will and plans for me. I know the plans you have for me are beyond me and so I will need help accomplishing them. I thank you for the helpers you have already sent who have helped me in diverse ways. I ask that you bless them. Lord send me helpers and grant me the discernment to recognise the helpers you are sending my way. I receive my helpers in the name of Jesus. To you alone be the glory forever, amen.
Perfection. I’m not sure what emotions or thoughts you associate with that word. For me, it’s a double-edged sword. On one hand, I would love to be perfect. On the other hand, the thought of trying to be perfect fills me with dread because how could I possibly do that? And so there’s a tension between the desire to be perfect and the knowledge that it is pretty much impossible!
Today’s blog is inspired by some musings I had earlier this month, “Perfection is not the goal, obedience is. I don’t think God is looking for perfection but obedience borne out of faith and trust in him.” Since I first had the thoughts, I’ve done more reflection and modified things a little. I’ll share that at the end.
Enough about me, let’s look at what’s in the Bible. The Bible is split into two sections, the old testament and the new testament. Roughly, the old testament was written in Hebrew and the new testament was written in Greek.
The Hebrew word often translated as “perfect” is “tamim,”. This paints a picture of “completeness, integrity, and blamelessness”.
The New Testament, often uses the Greek word “teleios” which means “complete, mature, or perfect”.
There are some parallels between both words. In the Bible, being perfect means being complete, being mature.
I’ll share my thoughts.
Initially, my musings appear to be rapidly unravelling because of the verse in Matthew. One meaning of the perfect is “mature”. If we draw parallels to our human development, we’ll know that maturity is not a one-moment event. We become increasingly mature in different areas of our lives. Maturity in one area of life does not automatically equate to maturity in other areas. For example, a person can be financially mature but not emotionally mature. To become mature takes a process of daily submitting to God. Every day, we want to be a little more like Jesus. There will be big moments and there will be more, small, seemingly inconsequential moments of obedience but they’re all important. Without a heart for obedience, (perfection) maturity in God will be a never-event.
When I think of the part of myself that wants to be perfect, I have to ask myself “what is driving that?” It would be easy to say it’s a desire to please God and be like him but if I’m honest with myself (and with you all), it’s more to do with me than it is to do with God. The desire to be perfect is a desire to be above reproach, above correction, to come into that state of perfection by myself. To be able to beat my chest and say “Look how perfect I am”. That does not sound even a little bit like God. That sounds more like pride to me.
Are you so foolish and senseless? Having begun [your new life by faith] with the Spirit, are you now being perfected and reaching spiritual maturity by the flesh [that is, by your own works and efforts to keep the Law]?
If I ditch my desire to be perfect (for my own self-aggrandisement) for God’s desire for me to be perfect (mature), I find that His way is so much better. His way is a lot more gracious than mine is because He recognises that I will make many mistakes along the road to perfection.
When I consider the dread of being imperfect, where does that originate from? Is it from a faulty view of God, one in which the thought of Matt 5:48 (at face value) terrifies me and I wonder what happens if I’m not perfect. Does it stem from Deut 18:13 which commands me to be blameless? As long as blood courses through my veins, I stand the chance of getting things wrong. The only blameless person the Bible records is Jesus.
Because I have a high priest who did not sin but experienced the temptations I face and overcame them, I can come before his throne, knowing he empathises with my difficulties and provides a way for me to be renewed and restored.
Therefore let us [with privilege] approach the throne of grace [that is, the throne of God’s gracious favor] with confidence and without fear, so that we may receive mercy [for our failures] and find [His amazing] grace to help in time of need [an appropriate blessing, coming just at the right moment].
It’s easy to fall into the trap of comparison and measure your level of perfection in relation to your assessment of the perfection of others around you. This either ends in a misguided confidence in your status or self-condemnation. A commentary on Gal 6:5 reads, “It will make him no better that there are others worse than himself.”
Where you are perfect in relation to other people is irrelevant because you’re not the judge of your perfection and neither are they. God judges your perfection level (not in a punitive way) against himself. So you and I have a lifetime to live up to that standard.
For every person will have to bear [with patience] his own burden [of faults and shortcomings for which he alone is responsible].
So then, how do I tie this all together with my original musings. I believe perfection is the goal, but not perfection as I previously understood, being blameless. The perfection which means maturity and completeness is the goal. Obedience is the pathway to perfection. God is interested in both.
Lord Jesus, help me not to lean on my own strength or attempt to finish in the flesh that which you started in the spirit. Lord, I want to obey you in the big things and the little, everyday moments, help me. In the moments where I miss the mark, remind me that your grace is sufficient for me and your blood is always available to wash away my sins and grant me access to your throne. Lord this life is one of progressively working towards maturity, help me not to give up halfway. As you work within me, I know the good works that follow will be visible to all and bring glory to you. In your name I have prayed, amen.
1 Corinthians 4:4-5 AMPC [4] I am not conscious of anything against myself, and I feel blameless; but I am not vindicated and acquitted before God on that account. It is the Lord [Himself] Who examines and judges me. [5] So do not make any hasty or premature judgments before the time when the Lord comes [again], for He will both bring to light the secret things that are [now hidden] in darkness and disclose and expose the [secret] aims (motives and purposes) of hearts. Then every man will receive his [due] commendation from God.
A few weeks ago I did a “good deed”. I got someone something and subconsciously thought they’d message me to say thank you. Towards the end of the day, I realised they’d not reached out and I was disappointed. That took me by surprise because I didn’t realise how much I’d taken for granted the “thank you” after a good deed. This made me search my heart. Was my good deed motivated by receiving gratitude in return; so a trade by barter of sorts? This made me feel uncomfortable and started my ruminations on intentions. I began to think (good) intentions might be overrated. There are many times I’ve had good intentions which have not translated into any action and other times they have been misshapen in their execution.
It’s clear that bad intentions followed by bad actions are bad. I hope we can agree on that 👀
Matthew 22:18 AMPC [18] But Jesus, aware of their malicious plot, asked, Why do you put Me to the test and try to entrap Me, you pretenders (hypocrites)?
By the same token, good intentions followed by good actions are good 👍
Good intentions followed by poor decisions are 🤷🏽♀
Proverbs 16:2 AMPC All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the spirits (the thoughts and intents of the heart).
David had good intentions to build a house for God and yet God could not accept the house because David had shed a lot of blood as part of his numerous battles. He didn’t make a poor decision here, the decision was made for him. And yet, David still made a lot of provision for the house to be built, although he could not do it himself, he still made sure he was a part of the process.
1 Kings 8:18-19 AMPC [18] And the Lord said to David my father, Whereas it was in your heart to build a house for My Name, you did well that it was in your heart. [19] Yet you shall not build the house, but your son, who shall be born to you, shall build it to My Name [and My actively present Person].
Good intentions are good and desirable. They can help to foster good actions out of their abundance in our hearts. However, with the best of intentions, we still get things wrong and these intentions do not absolve us of responsibility or consequences that occur as a result of our actual actions. Good intentions cannot erase the pain caused by actions which have not been well-received. If I accidentally push someone over, by being overenthusiastic in my greeting, and they break their arm, my good intentions will not make their pain any less.
This is hard to grapple with because sometimes we want our good intentions coupled with our “sorry” to be enough but it doesn’t always cut it. Sometimes we need to give people time and space to process what happened and not try to force them to forgive us because we said sorry. We need to ensure we’re not gaslighting people as well, making them feel bad for nothing they’ve done but intentions we haven’t executed well.
I know in my relationships, often my good intentions do not end how I imagined, sometimes due to procrastination, other times just poor execution, not thinking about what the other person prefers or needs. Sometimes, I feel like my “sorry” although heartfelt is hollow, insufficient, like a plaster over a gaping wound and I’m not sure what to do.
I do say sorry and sometimes I overcompensate for my actions. I think what’s more healthy is exploring first with myself where things went wrong and how this can be prevented in the future. Also, speaking to the person in question to see their perspective and their preferences. Those are important steps to take in ensuring good intentions translate to good, well-received actions.
Let’s pray together Lord, I thank you because you are a merciful father. You see the contents and intents of my heart and love me anyway. How wonderful you are! Lord you know I’ve gotten it right sometimes and other times I’ve missed the mark. I’m sorry for the times I’ve assumed my sorry was enough to fix things. Lord, please give me a heart that is introspective and teachable. Help me with procrastination and other barriers to executing my good intentions well. Grant me wisdom when I’m stuck. Holy Spirit I thank you because you are my teacher, and I receive your help in this area.
Hello lovelies 😊😊 I’m sorry my post is a day late 😔 I want to be a queen that’s on time.
A few months ago, someone asked me, “what do you think of when you think of godly friendship?”. The word that kept coming to me was “psychological safety”. Obviously, this is reductionist in the sense that a single word can not capture the full breadth of friendship, but for me, that was the word that stuck in my mind. Since then, I’ve been pondering psychological safety, and really, I think it’s a continuation of a thought process or discussion God has been having with me.
Psychological safety is a phrase commonly used in the business world and workplace to describe the feeling of being able to speak up without fear of criticism and exclusion. This concept also applies to relationships on all levels, but in those circles it’s often called emotional safety. Because the term psychological safety is what stuck in my mind, I’m using it for the purposes of this post.
The importance of safety in relationships cannot be overemphasised. Without safety, the relationship’s depth is stunted. My relationship with God, with myself, and with others, all require a measure of psychological safety. We all have an innate need for safety and security and we seek to meet that. Sometimes, we even go to extreme lengths to meet that need. Often times, we downplay the importance of this need or perhaps are oblivious to it and how it affects our relationships.
The bible repeatedly paints a picture of a God who is a safe space for us. For example,
Proverbs 18:10 AMP “The name of the Lord is a strong tower; The righteous runs to it and is safe and set on high [far above evil].”
A major obstacle to building psychological safety is fear. Fear of rejection, of not measuring up, of not belonging, fear of punishment. At times, we might think this safety (from the verse above) only refers to safety from physical danger but physical danger is not the only form of danger out there, coming against us. The weapons vary and psychological danger is very much a weapon. Whether it is real (in an externally validated way) or it’s perceived (internally), it’s still real to the person experiencing it and requires a solution.
Until we attain a measure of psychological safety within our relationships, we will be stunted versions of ourselves.
We might be doing well, and people think we are absolutely smashing it, but in reality, that could be a fraction of what we have the potential for. We were called to live life abundantly. That’s what our saviour died for. He didn’t die for us to merely be “okay”. He doesn’t measure us up against the standards we set for ourselves but against the potential he has placed in us. The applause of man is not the applause of God. Yes, he is happy for every step you take and the progress you make but he yearns for you, for me, to truly see all that he has planned for us; to broaden our minds to match up with his vision for us.
Another command and encouragement we see repeated throughout the bible is “Do not fear”. Fear limits. It limits the attainment of our goals and limits the enjoyment of those goals, of life itself.
I believe love is the answer to psychological safety. Not the theoretical love we know but that which resides in our hearts and has trickled down into our unconscious world. The love that casts out fear, that pure love of God. When we truly know in our knower (a deep, intuitive gut sense) that we are loved, we know that we can be safe.
1 John 4:16 AMP: We have come to know [by personal observation and experience], and have believed [with deep, consistent faith] the love which God has for us. God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and God abides continually in him.
Let’s look together at 1 Corinthian 13.
“Love is patient and kind” – when we know and experience this love which doesn’t say “This is your third strike and you’re out”, it’s easier to own up to our faults and mistakes. It’s easier to bring things to the light, which we would rather remained hidden. When we know that we have a kind God, who doesn’t tut at us and treat us with disdain because of our flaws, we are more likely to let him in on all the things he already knew about us before the beginning of the world. It’s not that God doesn’t know these things, but he wants us to trust him with them.
“Love does not demand its own way” – the love of God compels us to obey his will. He does not demand it. He gives us a choice and advises us to choose obedience and choose life.
2 Corinthians 5:14a AMP “For the love of Christ controls and compels us”
“Love keeps no record of being wronged.” Our God doesn’t say “Wow again? I thought you said sorry for this yesterday and swore blind you’d never do it again”. When we repent, he is faithful to forgive us and cleanse us of unrighteousness. He remembers our sin no more. This is not a “get-out-of-jail card”.
Romans 6:1-2 AMP “What shall we say [to all this]? Should we continue in sin and practice sin as a habit so that [God’s gift of] grace may increase and overflow? Certainly not! How can we, the very ones who died to sin, continue to live in it any longer?”
We sin and fall short constantly, but (hopefully) not because we are unmindful or uncaring about his sacrifice for us. The more we experience his love, the less we want to hurt him by our actions and inactions. The more we experience his love, the more we seek to do his commands. Having a “free pass” mentality of God’s grace is evidence that his love has not been fully formed in us.
“Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance”. His love never gives up on us. When you know that you have a solid rock who is going nowhere, there’s safety in knowing you can keep coming back. He’s not going to lose faith. He hopes the best and believes the best about you. He endures through everything you put him through and still has his arm open wide to fetch you back to his side.
1 Corinthians 13:8b NLT But love will last forever!
Now this is obviously the love of God which we (should) all aspire to practise in our own lives. God’s love is the perfect template of love. He is love personified. Intellectual knowledge of God’s love, as majestic and marvellous as it is, does not guarantee me psychological safety. I have to experience it on a heart level.
Through his sacrificial love, Christ gave us the opportunity and privilege of belonging to his family as children of God. We have been adopted into the household of faith and we have a seat at the table. We are welcome into God’s presence to develop intimacy with him, father to child. In our father’s house, we will never be rejected or asked to leave. We can always be assured of our place and because of that, we have safety to be ourselves. We can come as we are, with our flaws and graces, knowing that he will lovingly transform us into the people he called us to be. His love accepts our present state but loves us too much to leave us as we are. He calls us to partner with him to fulfil our potential; without fear of failure, abandonment, or rejection.
Dear Lord, I thank you because the entrance of your word brings light and illuminates things that were previously hidden. Lord, there have been times I haven’t felt safe to express how I feel to myself, to others, and most importantly to you. I know that you won’t judge me, but a part of me still fears what your reaction might be to my flaws and the parts of me I don’t like. I know you love me deeply, and perfectly, and your love casts out fear. Lord, I ask that you fill me with a greater measure of your love, experientially, such that there is no space for fear to remain in me. I am very grateful that I’ve been adopted into your family, and that I belong here with you. Your love will never give up on me. Thank you, Lord. I love you, amen
I hope May had been good to you and you’ve had some public holidays to rest up.
I’m doing a 3-part series on this blog over the next 3 months. It’s titled “What’s love got to do with it”. I hope you enjoy it.
Do we desire unconditional love? Of course we do; We were built to seek and receive love. There is only One person who can love you unconditionally. I hate to break it to you But it ain’t your man or your woman, It ain’t your mama or your pops, It definitely ain’t your friend or your siblings. Only God, the One who is Love personified can truly love you unconditionally! Human beings may try to love you unconditionally, But it is a process.
The people who love you are not being wicked by not loving you perfectly, By being conditional in their love, consciously or unconsciously, They most likely have good intentions. The issue is that they are flawed; Just like you are, just like I am For all their good intentions, they will make mistakes. So, when you expect standards only God can attain from people, You can be sure you’ll be disappointed. When that disappointment occurs repeatedly, it can lead to frustration And with enough time that leads to anger. Anger can express itself outwardly or inwardly and lead to separation.
1 Peter 4:8 says above all, most importantly, love each other deeply … Above ALL Above all the irritations Above all the imperfections Above all the repetitions of the same mistakes Above all the pain they have caused you Above all the disappointments
[A quick caveat here to say I am NOT talking about abusive relationships Abuse is not compatible with life and I don’t just mean physical abuse Abuse kills something in you, every time] Above all, love each other deeply
… Because love covers a multitude of sins Multitude is a whole lot You can’t count it. …. Of sins That seventy times seven type of forgiveness Is a requirement for this kind of love. It is not easy, Not by any stretch of the imagination. It is very hard, But we are called to love deeply, To increase our capacity to love others.
Out of the overflow that we receive from the love that our Lord and our Father both lavish upon us, We can love each other deeply. Our love can increase in capacity such that it stretches to cover the multitude of sins. To cover something, you have to acknowledge that it is there. You can’t cover nothing. You can’t ignore something on one hand and confront it on the other hand. The love we are called to is not one that pretends. You can only pretend for so long And build resentment Till an explosion happens.
Love confronts issues with grace and kindness Love confronts issues, prepared to forgive, whether the person is sorry or not; Whether the person recognises the error of their ways (as you perceive it) or not; Whether the person has an appreciation for the hurt they caused or not; Love confronts because the alternative is a gradual death of that love. Issues that are not confronted become poison. Some poisons don’t kill you immediately; Ask people with asbestosis. It causes damage slowly until one day you can’t breathe.
I’m not saying any of these things because I’ve mastered it. I’m also trying to live out this truth as I’m discovering it.
It is wise for us to realise on a mind-level but more importantly on a heart-level that while we can desire for people to love us, we are all on the journey of learning to love like God and often times we won’t get it right but we keep trying and growing closer to that day by day.
Lord I thank you because you model for us what love should look like. You loved us before we loved you or even acknowledged you. You desired that this love should be a mark of how people recognise us as your children, by how we love each other. Lord we do try to love each other but we don’t always get it right. We’re sorry for the times we’ve let our flaws and our pride get in the way. Please forgive us. We don’t want to keep going round in circles, making the same mistakes. Lord increase our capacity to receive your love. Let your love saturate our hearts. Out of the abundance of your love, help us to love each other deeply. Help us to forgive each other and let our love stretch enough to cover a multitude of sins and wrongdoings. Lord we desperately need your help, in your mercy will you come to our aid, in Jesus name, amen.
Hope you had a lovely Easter. As you probably know, in the Christian tradition, we’ve just celebrated Easter when we remember that Jesus died for us and God raised him to life again. The hope we have in Christ hinges on his resurrection. Last week, I was in church on Easter Sunday, and I felt God remind me to be hopeful. He said, “Never let anything prevent you from being hopeful.”
God’s message reminded me of the period late last year into early this year when I felt hopeless. I was very disappointed, and although I knew theoretically that things won’t always feel that way, that truth did not sink into my heart. For me, things felt very dark, and despair surrounded me like a fog. The comforting words of loved ones were not getting through the thick fog of despair. At that point, I thought it was too painful to hope again, so I’d just live life not expecting anything because that felt safer; those were lies, though. Lies upon lies.
See the thing about despair and hopelessness is that it not only steals today’s joy but tomorrow’s as well. It relegates life to a mindless existence where you go through the motions. The life God designed was not meant to be that way.
2000 years ago, Good Friday was everything but good. I can imagine the disciples were terrified. Their master and rabbi has been cruified. They’ve seen him die. He was meant to be the saviour, but now there’s no hope. They could not remember all the things he had told them of his death and resurrection. All they saw was the reality that he had died a criminal’s death and their journey of 3 years had come to an abrupt end.
Thank God the story doesn’t end there! Jesus rose on the 3rd morning. Light shone in the darkness, and the darkness receeded. The miracle of Easter is an example of hope; that joy does come in the morning; that the darkness (of the tomb) is not the end of the story.
I’ll be the first to tell you that it’s hard to be hopeful when everything within you just wants to curl up and shut everything out. I don’t have a magic wand, but God’s mercy prevailed for me. People were praying for me, and God broke through to me and lifted the fog of despair. Even at my low points, I knew deep inside that the feelings of despair I felt would not have the last laugh. I knew the feelings were not true, but I was too emotionally exhausted to fight them. I chose to “ride it out”.
I have a few suggestions that can help in those moments and periods of despair and hopelessness.
Surround yourself with people who love you and can hold you up in prayer. Ideally tell at least one person how you feel
Journal if you can. No filters, just raw thoughts and emotions. Write to God
Don’t stop speaking to God. Be angry, be sad, be whatever, but tell him. He can take your emotions. You don’t need to filter anything for Him, he sees it all anyway
Read the psalms – you’ll find something there that reflects your state of mind. Derive comfort from knowing you’re not alone.
Listen to music that can soothe your soul
If you’re going through a rough patch, it might be hard to believe but this too shall pass.
My testimony is that I have hope now. I have faith that God’s plans for me will become a reality. I know and am reminded that whatever happens, I am the beloved of God 💕
Lord, we thank you because you are a God of mercy. We thank you for your mercies, which are new every day. Lord, we receive mercy for today. Let your love fill our hearts. Let us know in our hearts that we are your beloved and nothing will change that. Remind us, dear Holy Spirit, that the power that raised Christ from the dead can also bring life and light from every dark situation we’re experiencing. Reach through the fog of pain and despair and let us experience your embrace. Fill us with your hope for a better tomorrow. Fill us with hope that one day, joy will come in the morning. Thank you, Lord, for hearing and answering our prayers. Amen
Breathe 