Author: Sinmi

When will you marry

Hello my lovelies 💓

If you live in the UK, you’ll know we’ve just had a week of glorious, if at times unbeatable sunshine and heat. We are super happy that temperatures have cooled a little 😊

Today we’re talking about societal expectations and how they compare to what is important in life.

I recently listened to a (audio)book called “The Marriage Monitoring Aunties Association.” It was a lovely, light read, and I would recommend it 😊  If you’re Nigerian like me or perhaps have non-western heritage, you probably understand what the title connotes. I’ll explain.

There is a phenomenon whereby some (read many 👀) Nigerian aunties and uncles have expectations of “young” people around them. These are often stage specific. Anyone in primary, secondary, and undergraduate education is meant to be solely devoted to their education. On completion of education, the next stage is marriage, then children and more children. The longer it takes you to attain your stage-specific expectations, the more concern and sometimes derision is shown.

I don’t want to give too much away but the book was about an older Nigerian female who gets shamed for being unmarried and is expected to lower her standards to any man with a pulse inspite of her accomplishments.

This book reminded me of several conversations I’ve had with concerned uncles and aunties. Some of them are close to me, and they try not to pester me. They remind me they are praying and ask for updates. Others have attained the aunty/uncle title by respect and not by relationship. They are acquaintances at best and often can skip pleasantries to ask when they are “coming to eat rice.” I used to be annoyed by these comments but less so these days. Annoyance requires energy, and I’m protecting my energy fiercely. I tend to either laugh it off or ask them to keep praying for me.

I have a desire to be married, but I’m not desperate. I would rather take my time and make a good decision than be pressured into accepting the first person who comes knocking. I’m not alone in this. A lot of my female friends who are unmarried and even some male friends have the desire to marry. The older generation often don’t realise how insensitive their questions can be. (Perhaps some of them don’t care). These questions may come with good intentions, but they can make single people feel ashamed, as though there is something wrong with them. They make us feel we must be broken if “no one wants to marry you.”  They imply that we are deficient because we are unmarried. Sometimes, they go further and ask you to shrink yourself as a single woman so men are not intimidated by your success. Who wants a man who is intimidated by my success?! Certainly not me. If he’s intimidated now, then he won’t let me grow and excel in the future. I want someone who will fan the flame of success and be my biggest cheerleader.

A Nollywood star, Alexx Ekubo, recently passed away. He was 40 years old, and for some reason , I watched his service of songs on YouTube. I was shocked to see how much worship and God featured in the service. I was deeply moved by the tributes given during the service by family and friends. It made me reflective, and I wondered what people would say about me when I die. It reminded me of the fragility of life and the fact that we won’t take anything out of this life. We leave as we came, alone, with nothing.

I watched how Alexx’s friends featured heavily in the funeral and how much love there was on display as they supported one another. I thought about my relationships and the things that I’ve given my life to like my career. I want to enjoy life regardless of my relationship status, and I would love people to allow me and other single people to enjoy life.

So for any uncles and aunties who might be reading this, please stop asking questions and making comments about people’s relationship status. Stop pressuring people to get married and to lower their standards. Our current happiness and joy is important. We don’t have to wait to attain a position to be happy. We are not deficient. We are whole people. I understand you might have concerns. Please take them to God. Ask God for instructions on whether to speak and what to say to a person. Before you try to match-make people, please pray about it, at least. Your wonderful nephew, niece, “aburo” might not be who you think. So please temper your eagerness with care and tact.

Some people might feel defensive and unappreciated by this article. That is not my intention. These are sweeping statements that don’t apply to everyone, but if the shoe fits 🤷

Lord, I thank you for life and good health and people who care about us. I thank you for the institution of marriage and the many benefits it provides in good and bad times. Lord, I pray for wisdom for the older generation as they try to encourage single people that they will not add pressure and make us feel less important or accomplished because of our marital status. When they have ideas for match making, remind them to check with you first. Lord, I pray for us single people. Help us to receive the concerns and prayers with a good heart. Grant us wisdom to respond respectfully and implement boundaries when necessary.  We receive your help for both categories of people in Jesus’s name, amen

I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic…

As an aunty/uncle, have you thought about our perspective?
As a “young person” who is single, how often do you get these comments? How do they make you feel? How do you respond?

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Bittersweet May

This month, we’ve “celebrated” Children’s Day (in Nigeria). May our children be able to live full lives as children, innocent and unmarked by the evil in this world.

This post is a bittersweet one, with two truths coexisting. The first part will be about my little niece, and the second part will touch on something very sad.

This month, I was thinking of how much I love my niece. Although I knew that I would love her even before she came on the scene, nothing prepared me for how my life would change after her arrival. Having her in my life has changed me. It has shown me a side of myself I never knew and unlocked a new type of love. It’s hard to describe the love I have for her, but it’s probably the purest form of love I have experienced so far. She does not have to do anything for me to love her. Her existence alone is enough, more than enough. She gives me so much joy, even when she does nothing “extraordinary.” Sometimes, I look at pictures and videos of her and smile to myself. I would bend over backwards for her.

If I feel this way about my niece, I wonder how I would feel about my child? How intense will that be? I genuinely can’t imagine what that would be like, but I know it’s going to be one of my greatest joys in life. Having a child is a LOT of work, and it never stops. Even when you’re not physically with them, your mind is never completely free of the awareness that you have a child somewhere (for most people).

I was thinking of how God loves us as his children. [I shared previously that he doesn’t have grandchildren] He loves us all deeply, dearly, far more than I love my baby girl. But there is deep, dark evil in this world. I would rather live this life with the love of God than try to survive without it.

This month’s post was meant to be sweetness and light, but I can’t bury my head in the sand when children are being kidnapped in my country.

On the 15th of May, a few minutes after 9 a.m., there was a coordinated attack on three schools in the Oyo state, a southwestern state in Nigeria. Two primary schools and one secondary school were attacked. 39 children and 7 teachers were kidnapped. The children’s ages range between 2 and 16 years. One family had four children abducted! FOUR!

On the same day, in Borno state, the northeastern part of Nigeria, there was another fresh hell unleashed on three schools. Two secondary schools and one primary school were attacked. 40 children are confirmed to have been kidnapped with an additional 11 likely missing. Must of these children are reportedly before age 7.

The level of depravity of the kidnappers is sickening.

It’s extremely sad and heartbreaking that mass kidnapping like this is not causing more chaos and uproar. Why have we become accustomed to hundreds of children being kidnapped from their schools? I pray these children are found and rescued ASAP.

I am equally saddened at the lack of support these children and their parents will receive on their release. There should be comprehensive rehabilitation programmes for kidnapped children with a multidisciplinary and biopsychosocial approach. These children and their families have been through untold horrors. You don’t just “get over” something like this.

The government and NGOs need to have a two-pronged approach to dealing with this. Taking decisive measures to improve security for schools and management strategies for children who have been rescued from abduction.

Lord, my heart bleeds. My heart bleeds for these little ones and their loved ones whose lives have become a living nightmare. I can’t imagine how they must feel. Lord, bring comfort to the loved ones. Bring justice for all these children and teachers and return them to their families. Let the abductors and their financier be caught and brought to book. Have mercy on us Lord abd bring our children back, in Jesus’ name, amen.

If you want to read more:

Inside first mass school abduction that emptied Oyo communities https://share.google/KPXwww46LBdHGtNq4


EXCLUSIVE: List of kidnapped children emerges, as parents detail horror of Borno attack https://share.google/9shHqq3hv2wxVz2P5

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What kind of comforter are you?

Hello loves

I am very sorry that April’s blog is late. I planned to complete it but lost track of the days.

Please forgive me  🙏

I was reading a passage in 1 Timothy a few weeks ago and came upon this verse.

Drink water no longer exclusively, but use a little wine for the sake of your stomach and your frequent illnesses.

1 Timothy 5:23 AMPC

Some Christians would want to scrub out this verse from the Bible for different reasons, but that’s too bad. It’s here to stay my loves  😝 [The debate of whether Christians should drink alcohol or not is beyond the scope of this post. I personally think it’s an individual decision.]

What caught my attention was that Paul did not pray in this verse. He did not ask Timothy to pray. He gave practical advice about what Timothy could do to manage his ailment.

I don’t mean to say that Paul or Timothy never prayed about the ailment. All I can say from this passage is that Paul approached things from a different perspective.

This made me think of the approach of the church (used very broadly) to healing. Often, as Christians, we can shame other Christians who have an acute or chronic illness who are not healed (immediately). We can sometimes assume (consciously or unconsciously) that the reason they’re not healed is because they’ve done something wrong. For example, we might think they have not prayed hard enough or long enough or used the correct strategy. We might think they have some sins they have not repented of, and this ailment is God’s judgement. We might think they lack faith, and that is why they are not healed.

Job 6:14-15 NCV

Think of Job (I’m currently reading Job). His friends were miserable comforters. They did not offer an iota of comfort but rather seemed more concerned with proving how wrong and flawed Job’s thinking was. I’m sure Job would have preferred his friends to keep their thoughts to themselves.

[1-2] Listen to what I am saying; that is all the comfort I ask from you.
[4] My quarrel is not with mortals; I have good reason to be impatient.
[6] When I think of what has happened to me, I am stunned, and I tremble and shake.

Job 21:1-2, 4, 6 GNT

We also seem to have an unspoken ranking for ailments that warrant “prayer and faith.” For example, someone who uses reading glasses to augment their vision accepts this as “normal” but thinks someone with cancer or another ailment lacks faith if they aren’t healed. There is a cognitive dissonance between the fact that the God who can heal cancer can just as easily heal long- or short-sightedness. I’m not asking people to ditch their glasses, just illustrating a point 😉

Apostle Paul is renowed as one of the most prolific apostles. He healed people by the power of God and even raised the dead. Yet, this same man gave his friend (spiritual son) practical advice on managing his frequent illness. He did not shame him. He did not give a Christianese 5-point suggestion on how to solve the issue. He actually digressed from his main point to give this piece of advice to Timothy. It gives a glimpse of the care and concern Paul had for Timothy’s welfare.

To be very clear, I am not dismissing or diminishing the place of prayer in the work of healing and relief from illness (regardless of its severity). We serve a God who heals. Prayer and encouragement are part of how we can help people with health challenges, but there are other things we can do.

What I would like to see more of is:

  • Genuine compassion and empathy for those having difficulties with their health, mental or physical.
  • We can remember them in our prayers.
  • We can listen without giving solutions. Just listen. Don’t correct their theology or censor them. God can take it (read the psalms). Sometimes, people just need to vent.
  • We can be honest and say we can’t imagine what they’re going through.
  • If they seem open and perhaps ask, we can give suggestions that have perhaps worked for us.

So in summary, think of practical as well as spiritual ways to support people dealing witg health challenges. Ask God for guidance on which tools to use each time.

Dear Lord Jesus, we thank you because you are a healer. You love to heal, but sometimes the healing does not come when we want, and this can be very difficult to understand. We ask that as we wait for our brothers and sisters to be made whole and enjoy good health, helps us to be compassionate. Give us ideas of ways in which we can help practically. May we not add more burdens to their shoulders by making them feel guilty or ashamed. Compassion motivated a lot of the healing you did. Grant us wisdom to always act out of compassion in Jesus’ name, amen.

Click here for a good, balanced resource if you’d like to read more.

Pete Greig – God on Mute

Please comment, share and like. Be blessed  😇 🙏

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Fear is not my future

Hello lovely people 💕

March is marching right on! This year is going by so quickly!!!

That said, let’s get stuck into today’s post.

It’s human nature to share about things we’ve overcome. We tend to share more readily about our wins than when we’re in the thick of things. However, life is not all smooth sailing. Our social media generation and (often)Christian culture  also make it  harder to talk about the in-between periods that are not glamorous. Well, that’s what this month’s post is about.

I’ll be sharing about a recent experience which was very difficult for me. To provide context, I’m not a fan of heights AT ALL. That’s been an ongoing issue, but it generally doesn’t interfere with my day to day. However, this fear of heights impacts my driving, so I don’t like flyover bridges, steep roads, etc. Over time, I have become better at tolerating these conditions if I have to do them repeatedly (habituation).

In more recent times, I’ve been increasingly apprehensive of driving on certain roads with an incline and sometimes avoid it altogether. All of this was building over a weekend, culminating in a panic attack while driving on the motorway (high way). This was the third time this has happened in the last 3 – 4 years. The previous times were on unfamiliar roads. This time, it was on a  road I’ve driven countless times.

I felt very tearful.

Overwhelmed, I parked on the hard shoulder (the roadside). My heart was racing, my hands were trembling, my lips tingling after a while. My thoughts were going a million miles an hour. I had music playing to help centre myself, but that wasn’t working. I reminded myself that God is with me and will never leave me. I reminded myself I’ve driven down this road many times, so I KNOW I can do it. None of these really helped, to be honest. None of it was sinking in. It was gliding over me. I rang my sister because she’s helped me the last two times. She didn’t pick on the first ring.

Although I was tearful, I knew if I gave in to tears, hysterics would start, and regaining composure would be much harder. I tried to drive off but was extremely scared. Moving even a few miles-per-hour felt like I was going too fast, not in control.

I tried a few times and gave up. I knew I’d have to get out of there somehow, but it seemed so daunting. Thankfully, my sister rang me back. I asked her to pray with me. She encouraged me, and I tried again. Start. Stop. But eventually, I got off that stretch and made it home.

The whole experience had me shaken and shaking, but I had things to do, so I couldn’t dwell on it. A few tears escaped, but I didn’t let myself feel everything. My brother helped me get around the rest of the day. I did eventually have a little cry and talked about it with my brother and more recently with my best friend.

Thinking back to times when I was impatient while driving because someone was driving slow, this experience was humbling. It was humbling to be the one who needed grace from others, the one driving at a snail pace.

Today’s post isn’t really about dishing up words of wisdom. However, I’ll say a couple of things I’ve learnt. I am naturally empathetic, but this experience has made me more empathetic towards people who regularly have panic symptoms, anxiety, and similar difficulties. I also hope that I will remember to be more patient with “slow” drivers, remembering I’ve been one.

[2] They talk about me and say, “God will not help him.” [3] But you, O Lord, are always my shield from danger; you give me victory and restore my courage. [4] I call to the Lord for help, and from his sacred hill he answers me. [5] I lie down and sleep, and all night long the Lord protects me. [6] I am not afraid of the thousands of enemies who surround me on every side.

Psalm 3:2-6 GNT

Recently, Psalm 3:3 was the verse of the day on YouVersion, and I ended up reading the whole chapter. Some of the lies we hear and internalise are that we would not receive help, we would remain stuck, no one is coming to save you, etc. But the Lord is always my shield from danger. He wraps himself around me. Even when my mind can’t comprehend that and it feels out of reach, it remains true. He will give me victory, and I can rest assured because of this.

I don’t know what your struggle is. I won’t pretend to understand the nuances of your difficulties or pretend it is easy to be in the thick of things. It is hard, but God is with you. He doesn’t leave you to fend for yourself when things are hard. Whether his voice is booming or feels silent, he will not leave us.
The Bible does not shy away from how real and overwheming fear and anxiety can feel. It redirects us to God who can and will give us victory over it.

You are not alone.

You are not the only one struggling; you’ve got company.

You will make it through. We will. Don’t give up ❤️

Lord, you command us time and time again not to be afraid. Sometimes, life and circumstances are very scary and intimidating. It feels like walls are closing in. We’ll be stuck forever with no way out, and yet that is not the truth. In those moments when we’re overwhelmed, remind us of your truth, ringing in our ears louder than the fear. Bring to our minds eye the magnitude of the God we call Father and let the fears pale in comparison. Send us help from Zion and maybe from around the corner or over the phone, but let the help locate us promptly. Restore peace to our souls. Still us in the middle of our floundering and remind us that you are with us always. Help us to be compassionate even when we don’t understand the struggles of others. Help us to be present, not with platitudes and a script of flawless Christianese but with empathy and kindness. Thank you because you are bigger than fear. Fear will not have the last laugh because you have already won the victory; In Jesus’s name, amen.

Please comment, share and like. Be blessed  😇 🙏

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Care vs Control

Hello, my lovelies 💓

I hope your February has been a lovely month. I am sorry my post is a day late 😪 Please forgive me.

It’s a fairly long post that but I hope it resonates and helps you reflect 😊

To love and be loved is one of the greatest joys and triumphs in life. This pursuit of love has unfortunately led to many tragic situations where people have been deeply hurt and in some cases, damaged.

I was thinking recently about control and how at times control can wear the mask of care and concern. There can appear to be similarities but the underlying motivators are different.

When you care for someone, naturally you don’t want them to come to harm. You might want to protect them from harmful situations. This might come in the form of checking they are safe, giving advice about things, etc.

Control often comes from a place of fear. For example, you may have someone good whom you don’t want to “lose” and so you place a metaphorical net around them.

The outcome of being treated with care or control is apparent in the fruit they produce. I’ll use an analogy here. If I have a precious, delicate glass ornament, I could hold it very gently, place it in a cushioned holder in my attempt to care for it. On the other hand, I might hold it tight and not want to let it out of my sight because I fear losing it. So I hold it tighter and tighter until it crumbles in my hands. That’s what control does. Care causes the recipient to thrive and encourages their authentic self to be revealed. Control restricts the worldview of the recipient and they become a shadow of themselves.

When you care for someone, you can give advice but trust them to make their own decisions. If the decisions have unfavourable outcomes, you’re there to help them pick the pieces and help them through the process.

When you control someone, you take away their autonomy and form a dictatorship where they feel imprisoned.

This Care vs Control dynamic applies in all relationships such as friendships, romantic relationships, parenting, etc. It is not gender specific.

God who is the most powerful gives us the choice to love him or leave him so his desire isn’t for you to be controlled.

Some signs of control in a relationship

  • Silent treatment – unexplained silence or minimal communication as punishment
  • Excessive, unsolicited “suggestions” about physical appearance or other things
  • Constant monitoring of whereabouts and who you’re with
  • Having to walk on egg-shells and inability to freely express oneself
  • Second-guessing yourself and wondering if you’re “too sensitive”

If you’re worried that you’re being controlled in a relationship, you need some support.

  • The first thing is identifying control.
  • Create some space between yourself and the person controlling you.
  • Rediscover what is important to you and what YOU want.
  • Draw up boundaries to keep you safe and share this with the person involved.
  • Put structures in place to help you enforce these boundaries, e.g., not answering messages or emails after a certain time or if they have certain content.
  • I’d recommend keeping a journal of some sort. This could be audio or written describing your experiences and reflecting on them.
  • It’s also very important to speak to someone independent who is a safe space. This could be a counsellor, a trusted friend, etc. Please if this person minimises your concerns and explains them away, they’re not the one. Find someone else to speak to. Don’t let your voice be silenced and your story stolen.
  • Please speak to God about this. He cares deeply.

Lord, I thank you for your unfailing love which frees us. Your love is unconditional. It allows us to bring our real selves as we know them and doesn’t want us to hide. It helps us be the better versions you know we can be by working alongside us. You never force us. You always give us the choice while hoping we choose you. Lord help me to choose you daily. Help me choose to love and not control those I love. Lord open my eyes to see where I have allowed my boundaries to be eroded. Lord help me not to be bitter but allow these revelations to motivate me to clarify my boundaries. Help me enforce these boundaries. Lord heal the brokenness in my soul and make me whole, in Jesus’ name, amen.

If you’re worried that you’re controlling someone else, well done for recognising it.

  • Take time to think through different interactions and what you were feeling at the time.
  • Apologise to the person you’re controlling.
  • Speak to them about things you’ve done that they found uncomfortable and ask what their boundaries are.
  • Have a journal to document what’s going on internally when you feel tempted to control someone else. Is there something you’re afraid of? Is there something within you that needs healing?
  • I would recommend speaking to someone who is mature, loves you and will speak the truth to you. This could be a counsellor or trusted friend.
  • Please speak to God. Apologise to him also for controlling his beloved child. Seek his insight on what’s led you to this place. Seek his guidance on how to move forward. Receive his healing.

Lord, I thank you for your unfailing love which frees us. Your love is unconditional. It allows us to bring our real selves as we know them and doesn’t want us to hide. It helps us be the better versions you know we can be by working alongside us. You never force us. You always give us the choice while hoping we choose you. Lord help me to choose you daily. Help me choose to love and not control those I love. I give you every fear I have of losing those who are precious to me.  I give you the fear of being irrelevant or forgotten. Lord open my eyes to the mistakes I have made in overstepping my boundaries. Help me to have the difficult conversations needed and to respect others’ boundaries. Lord heal the brokenness in my soul and make me whole, in Jesus’ name, amen.

You can read more on controlling behaviour here:

https://www.themodestman.com/18-indicators-of-coercive-control-disguised-as-care/

Please comment, share and like. Be blessed  😇 🙏

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Happy New Year

Hello, my lovelies 💓

Happy New Year!!!

A new year can feel like just a different day, no big deal, kind of like becoming a year older. In a sense it is. It can feel like “nothing has changed” and “what’s all the fuss about” but I think it’s a fresh opportunity to be grateful, to reflect and to look forward.

If you’re very honest and fairly reflective, you’ll know that there were things you wanted to do last year that just never happened. This is a good time to think back on those things,  see whether they’re still important and whether they’re a priority for you this year.

For me, last year I wanted to be more consistent in uploading posts here and by the grace of God, I did it. So I’m grateful. Although I did it, it wasn’t as graceful and organised as I would have liked. Sometimes I made it by the skin of my teeth. This year I want to be more organised. I don’t want to settle for the bare minimum. I want to up my game. For example, I want to ideally post a few fictional pieces, so you guys can hold me accountable. The year is 12 months long oh. LOL.

For some of us, it’s easy to think of good things that have happened. For others,  it’s a lot harder to think of good things. It might be that you’ve started your year on a downer and it’s a huge effort to keep going every day. I know how that feels. While our specific situations might differ, the sentiment is likely similar. Please believe me when I say it does get better. Don’t let the little flicker of hope die. Protect it with everything. Draw on the strength of the people you have around you. I pray you don’t have to go on the journey alone. I pray you have a shoulder to lean on, someone you can be vulnerable with. Let someone see that you’re hurting, confused, angry  whatever it is. Journaling can also be helpful. Pour out what’s in your heart and mind. Better out than in.

One month has already gone by. You’ve made it through one month! Well done you 👏🏽 As I told someone today it can be hard to hope for the big things. Start with the small simple things, e.g, I hope I can laugh at something funny tomorrow, I hope I can have a few minutes of respite from worrying.

For those of us who have not hit the ground running, it’s not too late to start.

Be realistic with your goals.

Rome was not built in a day.

Remember that progress is not linear.

You have absolutely got this! Just like I have 😉

I want to give us a challenge this year. Every night before you sleep (or whenever fits your schedule), say at least one thing that you’re grateful for out loud. Try to vary the things you express gratitude for. This is not to say you can’t say the same thing twice this year lol or even in one week. My emphasis is on thinking about it instead of mindlessly repeating the same thing.

Sweet Lord Jesus, thank you for this new year. Thank you for bringing me to the end of the first month of this year. There have been highs and lows but you’ve seen me through it all. It’s so beautiful that you see all of us, in our individual circumstances and you’re able to meet us where we are. The years change but you never do. You’re our constant in a world of change. Lord as we continue this year, help us to lean on You and those you’ve placed around us. Help us to remember that difficult times don’t last forever. Help us remember to celebrate even the small wins. I pray that you help us to be more disciplined with our goals and balance that with extending grace to ourselves and others. Let’s have a blast this year! In Jesus name, amen

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Goodbye, Welcome

Hello my lovelies

Happy New Year in advance!

Today’s post is probably my shortest one ever!

As the year has drawn to an end, conversations and time spent with loved ones has been very important. As I reflect on people I’ve seen and spoken with, I am filled with a renewed sense of gratitude for the amazing people God has blessed me with.

For me, this year is ending on a high, very different from how last year ended. I am very grateful for that. I was saying to my best friend just a few days ago that this year had been full of positive surprises. These blessings have caused me to dig deep and stretch myself and the benefits have been rewarding.

There are three things I want to leave with you

1) Reflect on your 2025 – name one thing you’ve learned, one thing that surprised you and one thing you’re looking forward to next year

2) Count your blessings (name them one by one) – try to do 12; don’t neglect the seemingly small things we take for granted

3) Review your disappointments. Are there things you can learn from them? Would you do anything differently as a result of the experience(s)? Can you see God’s presence/hand in the midst of the disappointment?

Lord, here we are at the end of 2025! What a year it has been. For some of us it had been our toughest year with no opportunity to catch a break and yet for others it has been blissful. For many, it had likely been a mixture of both experiences. In the midst of it all, we give you thanks for your constant presence through the highs and the lows. Lord, I pray that the bad does not eclipse the good in our memories. Lord, we look forward to a new year, knowing you are already there ahead of us. We commit 2026 into your hands. May this new year bring more Illumination to our spirits. May we experience deeper peace, joy and contentment. May we fulfil your plan for 2026 as we walk in step with you. For the tough times that this year brings help us to keep our eyes on you and never let go of your hand. For the great times, help us to be grateful and remember we didn’t do it in our own strength. In Jesus’ precious name we pray, amen.

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Judgy much…

Hello my loves

I’m sorry I did not post yesterday. I should have planned better. That being said, let’s get right into today’s post.

A while ago I watched a movie which made me think about how sometimes as the church (the people in the church), we are lacking in compassion. In this film, a pastor’s wife was very critical of others, very controlling, authoritarian and was the moral judge of all. Her tongue was scathing and life was very far from it. With every word she spoke, she was cutting people down. She condemned a teenage girl in church who was pregnant out of wedlock and essentially isolated this girl and her mother. I think this girl later died shortly after childbirth although if she’d received help from the pastor’s wife for appropriate medical care, she might have survived. Little did Mrs Pastor know that her teenage daughter was also pregnant and seeing how her mother handled her friend’s pregnancy, opted for an abortion. I don’t remember what happened to the pastor’s daughter.

Seeing this play out was sad for many reasons. One reason was that the girls in this plot were not treated with grace or compassion. The fact that the pastor’s wife was the perpetrator of this wickedness made it worse. You’d hope that she would be a go-between if she observed that in her church. More importantly, the knowledge that this film reflects what happens in real life.

The fact that the consequences of someone’s sin are publicly expressed does not make the sin worse than someone else who seemingly gets away with it. For example, Premarital sex is wrong, period. A resulting pregnancy is not a reflection of the “grade” of the sin. Stealing is a sin, period. Whether you’re caught or not is not a reflection on how bad the sin is. All sin is inherently bad. I don’t believe God has a ranking scale for sin. All sin has the same spiritual consequence – separation from God. The physical consequences can differ based on what’s done. Someone who steals food worth £5 and someone who steals millions are both wrong but the (physical) legal consequences will be different. I think as humans, one mistake we make is that we use the physical consequences of a sin to rank how bad it is.

Yesterday in church we discussed Jesus’s interaction with the Samaritan woman at the well (John 4:7-30,39). Although Jesus spoke the truth to her he did this gently and without condemnation so much so that she left the interaction, not to hide in shame, but with a desire to bring people to Jesus. It is not documented that Jesus tutted at this woman and demanded she fall to her feet weeping in repentance before he offered her living waters and unfettered access to God.

The church, this mammoth structure with many expressions, is in reality made up of imperfect people like you and me. Many times we get it wrong as we work out our salvation. Oftentimes we might need correcting or someone to help us examine our behaviour. (Read Luke 17:3-4)

I think there are a few things I’d like us to consider.

  • As the church, we are not called to judge non-Christians by God’s standards. Their (im)morality is not based on a relationship with Jesus so we should not be surprised if their actions go against what we believe to be right.
1 Corinthians 5:9-13
1 Thessalonians 5:14
  • As the church, we are called to correct gently in love.
Galatians 6:1-5
Matthew 7:1-5
  • As the church we are called to be careful when we think we’re standing firm and ensure we’re not on the edge of a downward spiral. Don’t be so sure you can not make the same mistake you’re judging someone else for. (Read 1 Corinthians 10:12)
  • As the church, we’re called to be many things. We are NOT called to be judgmental, full of condemnation, threatening and guilt-tripping (verbally and otherwise) people into submission. We do not motivate (read control) people with fear. That is not what God stands for.  The Holy Spirit who is our guide convicts. He does not condemn. So let’s take our lead from him in our interaction and even thoughts about things we see.
Romans 14:10, 12-13

Lord, I thank you for this topic of how we respond to others when we think they’re out of line. I know I’ve been guilty of judging people in my mind even if not outwardly. That’s not better than someone who judges outwardly. Lord forgive me for these times and help me to be more aware of when I’m doing this. Lord help me to remember that I’m not perfect and I’m not “better” than anyone. We just make different types of mistakes but your grace and mercy cover us all. Lord help me to be compassionate towards others and instead of judging, let my first instinct be to lift them in prayer. In instances where you might be encouraging me to speak with a person, grant me a heart of compassion such that I deliver the truth your way. Just as I might correct people, help me to also be open to receiving correction from others as required. Lord help us to be accountable to one another without taking offence. As we start to wind up the year, if there are people in need to apologise to, where I’ve been harsh, Lord reveal to me. Grant me the courage and humility to apologise and make amends in Jesus’s name, amen.

Posted on by Sinmi 5

Destiny helper … What does it all mean?

Hey guys 🙂 How has the month of October treated you?

Today, I’m writing on the concept of destiny helpers. I will share what that means to me and I’d like to know what you think and whether you’ve personally had any experience of this. 

I have heard this term “destiny helper” used increasingly probably over the last 5 years. It has been around a lot longer of course. For me, I’d say over the last maybe 12 months or so, I have been more aware, open or more curious about this concept. 

Let’s start with what destiny is. For me, I would say destiny is the future that has been preset for you to live by God. Some would equate this with fate. I would say they are two different and cannot be used interchangeably. Destiny deals more with a future that is not assured but can be worked out whereas fate is predetermined  and nothing you do can interfere with the preset outcome. I’ll talk more on this later.

As per Merriam-Webster dictionary

What does the bible say about destiny?

Destiny is the divine purpose and plan God has for each person. God is very intentional. He does things for a reason. Everyone he creates, he has a plan for (Jeremiah 1:5). Some people say God has a plan which he creates a person for, meaning his plan precedes the creation of a person to meet that need and fulfil that plan. Within God’s plan, we have free will and he allows us to exercise it. At times we are clearly kicking against his plan such as with Jonah running away from Nineveh (Jonah 1:1-3) and Saul (Paul) being an enemy of the church (Acts 26:9-14). Other times in spite of the enormity of the call, we accept it such as Mary (Jesus’s mother) (Luke 1:27-38).

I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.

Jeremiah 1:5 NLT

God is sovereign and this is called providence. This means that your actions can be vetoed by God if they interfere with his principles or an overarching plan such as the tower of Babel situation (Genesis 11:1-9).

Regarding the difference between fate and destiny, my earlier sentiments are echoed online. Sources suggest that fate has a sense of being inevitable whereas destiny requires personal agency to fulfil it (please see references). 

For me, I don’t believe fate is something God generally endorses because he has given each person free will to choose whether to fulfil the destiny he has planned for them. However, some parts of the Bible make me question this. For example, Esau was rejected from the womb (Rom 9:13, Genesis 25:23) and so I wonder whether his mistakes were inevitable? How much agency did he have to change what had been spoken about him before his birth? I don’t want to get sidetracked so I’ll let you ponder on that and you can tell me what you think. If everything were down to fate, then we might as well quit while we’re ahead. Nothing is within our control and we just hope we have fallen on the right side of history.

There is a tension between fate and destiny even in the Christian faith. (The Christian faith is full of tensions.) This whole article could be about that but not the topic for today LOL! For example, it says in Eph 1:11 that we are predestined to be God’s children but it also states in Romans 10:14 that we have to go out so people can hear the gospel and fulfil that predestination of being God’s children. We also see people influence God to change their fate such as Jabez and Hezekiah. I believe destiny has a greater role in Christianity however God in his sovereignty can alter the predetermined fate of a thing. Also, it is worth noting that someone might be walking in a calling or gift they have but not be using it for the kingdom of God.

Back to the actual topic of today which is destiny helpers. 

The destiny we have from God is often bigger than we may have chosen for ourselves and might seem impossible, unachievable and this is where help comes in. We will always need people to support us to fulfil the destiny of God, not in a sense that they take over but they assist and help align things so we can achieve that which we should. As such a destiny helper is someone who has a pivotal role in helping you fulfil your destiny. They may be someone who upholds you in prayer, shows you favour or makes a connection that was beyond you. For a long time, I was suspicious of this concept or term. This might be due to my Christian upbringing in terms of the churches I attended and the circles I walked in. I think I also wondered whether it was more to do with superstition than “proper doctrine” things.

When I reflect on my life, I have definitely experienced favour. I have never doubted that but I didn’t associate it with any “concept”.

Over the last 12 months the term “destiny helper” has no longer made me uncomfortable. Before this time, I did not really know how to respond to prayers about destiny helpers. In the last few months, I have experienced huge favour. There was a programme I felt God was leading me to do and I was unsure because it was a huge commitment. Around the same my bosses recommended a different avenue to achieve a similar end to what I was originally going for. I contacted someone as part of preparing for the programme. The person was a bit sceptical but they went out of their way to find out about my programme and even though they were sceptical agreed to support me. I was flabbergasted. I said this can only be God. As I pondered on this experience, this was a destiny helper and it has taken me experiencing it in this way to understand. Some things in life are properly understood by experience and for me, this was one of them.

If you’d like to read more about destiny helpers, the last few links of my references has more information. I have not read them in their entirety so I cannot vouch for them as such but they can provide some insight into the concept.

So I am intrigued, what do you think about fate and destiny and how that all interacts with God’s sovereignty?

  • What do you think of my experience of a destiny helper?
  • Have had a similar experience of destiny help?
  • Are you perhaps unsure of this term or maybe even the concept?

Lord I thank you because you are a good God. You are intentional and you are full of love for me. Lord before I was born you had a plan in your mind for me to fulfil on earth. I thank you for entrusting me with your plan. I pray that you will give me increasing knowledge of your will and plans for me. I know the plans you have for me are beyond me and so I will need help accomplishing them. I thank you for the helpers you have already sent who have helped me in diverse ways. I ask that you bless them. Lord send me helpers and grant me the discernment to recognise the helpers you are sending my way. I receive my helpers in the name of Jesus. To you alone be the glory forever, amen.

References

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The P word: Perfection

Perfection. I’m not sure what emotions or thoughts you associate with that word. For me, it’s a double-edged sword. On one hand, I would love to be perfect. On the other hand, the thought of trying to be perfect fills me with dread because how could I possibly do that? And so there’s a tension between the desire to be perfect and the knowledge that it is pretty much impossible!

Today’s blog is inspired by some musings I had earlier this month, “Perfection is not the goal, obedience is. I don’t think God is looking for perfection but obedience borne out of faith and trust in him.” Since I first had the thoughts, I’ve done more reflection and modified things a little. I’ll share that at the end.

Enough about me, let’s look at what’s in the Bible. The Bible is split into two sections, the old testament and the new testament. Roughly, the old testament was written in Hebrew and the new testament was written in Greek.

The Hebrew word often translated as “perfect” is “tamim,”. This paints a picture of “completeness, integrity, and blamelessness”.

The New Testament, often uses the Greek word “teleios” which means “complete, mature, or perfect”.

There are some parallels between both words. In the Bible, being perfect means being complete, being mature.

I’ll share my thoughts.

Initially, my musings appear to be rapidly unravelling because of the verse in Matthew. One meaning of the perfect is “mature”. If we draw parallels to our human development,  we’ll know that maturity is not a one-moment event. We become increasingly mature in different areas of our lives. Maturity in one area of life does not automatically equate to maturity in other areas. For example, a person can be financially mature but not emotionally mature. To become mature takes a process of daily submitting to God. Every day, we want to be a little more like Jesus. There will be big moments and there will be more, small, seemingly inconsequential moments of obedience but they’re all important. Without a heart for obedience, (perfection) maturity in God will be a never-event.

When I think of the part of myself that wants to be perfect, I have to ask myself “what is driving that?” It would be easy to say it’s a desire to please God and be like him but if I’m honest with myself (and with you all), it’s more to do with me than it is to do with God. The desire to be perfect is a desire to be above reproach, above correction, to come into that state of perfection by myself. To be able to beat my chest and say “Look how perfect I am”. That does not sound even a little bit like God. That sounds more like pride to me.

Are you so foolish and senseless? Having begun [your new life by faith] with the Spirit, are you now being perfected and reaching spiritual maturity by the flesh [that is, by your own works and efforts to keep the Law]?

Galatians 3:3 AMP

If I ditch my desire to be perfect (for my own self-aggrandisement) for God’s desire for me to be perfect (mature), I find that His way is so much better. His way is a lot more gracious than mine is because He recognises that I will make many mistakes along the road to perfection.

When I consider the dread of being imperfect, where does that originate from? Is it from a faulty view of God, one in which the thought of Matt 5:48 (at face value) terrifies me and I wonder what happens if I’m not perfect. Does it stem from Deut 18:13 which commands me to be blameless? As long as blood courses through my veins, I stand the chance of getting things wrong. The only blameless person the Bible records is Jesus.

Because I have a high priest who did not sin but experienced the temptations I face and overcame them, I can come before his throne, knowing he empathises with my difficulties and provides a way for me to be renewed and restored.

Therefore let us [with privilege] approach the throne of grace [that is, the throne of God’s gracious favor] with confidence and without fear, so that we may receive mercy [for our failures] and find [His amazing] grace to help in time of need [an appropriate blessing, coming just at the right moment].

Hebrews 4:16 AMP

It’s easy to fall into the trap of comparison and measure your level of perfection in relation to your assessment of the perfection of others around you. This either ends in a misguided confidence in your status or self-condemnation.
A commentary on Gal 6:5 reads, “It will make him no better that there are others worse than himself.”

Where you are perfect in relation to other people is irrelevant because you’re not the judge of your perfection and neither are they. God judges your perfection level (not in a punitive way) against himself. So you and I have a lifetime to live up to that standard.

For every person will have to bear [with patience] his own burden [of faults and shortcomings for which he alone is responsible].

Galatians 6:5 AMP

So then, how do I tie this all together with my original musings. I believe perfection is the goal, but not perfection as I previously understood, being blameless. The perfection which means maturity and completeness is the goal. Obedience is the pathway to perfection. God is interested in both.

Lord Jesus, help me not to lean on my own strength or attempt to finish in the flesh that which you started in the spirit.
Lord, I want to obey you in the big things and the little, everyday moments, help me.
In the moments where I miss the mark, remind me that your grace is sufficient for me and your blood is always available to wash away my sins and grant me access to your throne.
Lord this life is one of progressively working towards maturity, help me not to give up halfway.
As you work within me, I know the good works that follow will be visible to all and bring glory to you.
In your name I have prayed, amen.

References

Posted on by Sinmi 2