Hey guys 👋🏽 Hope you’re doing well. Today’s topic is a bit heavy but it’s an important discussion that must be had. It’s complicated and has been the source of heartache and emotional turmoil for so many people 😢 💔
Needless to say, rape is a CRIME and there should NEVER be an excuse for it. Rape happens because of rapists. FULLSTOP! This article will be discussing sexually inappropriate behaviours with a focus on rape. [Sometimes in this article, rape may be used interchangeably with other forms of sexually inappropriate behaviours.]
Sexually inappropriate behaviours occur on a spectrum from inappropriate (or suggestive) words to penetration. In England, rape is legally defined as penile penetration of someone’s vagina, anus or mouth against their consent or when their ability to consent is in doubt. This definition automatically sees men as the perpetrators of rape and does not acknowledge the sexual violation some men have experienced at the hands of women. Perhaps this partially feeds into the difficulty in society acknowledging that female-on-male rape does occur.
Although all sexually inappropriate behaviours are very harmful, unfortunately most times we only recognise actual penetration as being harmful. It is important to point out that no one but the survivor knows the true extent and severity of damage that has been done.
NOBODY has a right to prescribe, predict or dictate how much damage and pain a survivor is “allowed” or meant to feel.
NOBODY should dictate how long the survivor can take to “recover” (heal) from this damage.
NOBODY should blame the victim because no one deserves to be sexually assaulted, NOBODY.
Anyone can be on the receiving end of these horrific events; babies, elderly people, men, women, heterosexual, homosexual, LGBTQ+, virgin, sex worker, anyone.
Although there are some trumped up charges of rape and sexual assault (which is despicable and criminal), cases of rape and other sexual offences are largely underreported for many reasons. Shame, fear, lack of knowledge, shock are the most common reasons. Sadly in many cases of rape and sexual violence, the perpetrator is known to the survivor prior to the act. Only 13% of perpetrators of sexual assault (against females) have been reported to be strangers [See ONS link below]. Sexual assault is 3 times more to be perpetrated by a (ex-)partner than a family member [ONS]. Over one in ten adults have been sexually assaulted; with indecent touching four times more common than rape [ONS].
A rape/sexual assault allegation should NEVER be an act of revenge. Recently I heard of a case where to my surprise, people were sceptical of whether or not a person reporting sexual assault was being truthful. Most of the sceptical people had sons and were thinking about their own sons and the impact of a false allegation on them.
I was quite shocked by this. Imagine someone very distressed and distraught who summons the courage to seek help, only to be met with scepticism. We might not shout out our biases but they reveal themselves in the way we act, the questions we ask, the manner with which we treat people. THIS is the damage I’m referring to when I denounce the evil of false allegations of sexual assault. We are doing the real victims(survivors) a disservice.
False allegations do a whole world of damage to true victims (survivors), alleged perpetrators (their present and future, their family) and the societal outlook on rape. Why are some people so vindictive? I honestly do not know how some people sleep at night knowing they have falsely accused someone of rape. What’s worse is this recent spate of social media warriors who can with one tweet or thread ruin someone’s life. An apology or retraction of the allegation will NEVER be enough to atone for the grievances committed. 
I cannot police what people post on social media regarding trauma they’ve experienced but often times I think it does more harm than good because social media users can be ruthless with no concern for the mental health of the real human beings involved. Personally I’d advocate for other means of seeking justice to be explored before bringing the case before the judge and jury of Twitter Court. (This is only my opinion, you might not agree but I’m not saying this to hurt anyone. If this offends you, I’m sorry.)
Lastly, rape has been around since the beginning of time and unfortunately I think it will always be with us because where humans are, all sorts of errors and “badness” is bound to occur. Does this mean we give up and accept this curse? No! We sensitise people, educate people, punish and seek justice against perpetrators. Charity begins at home. Its easier to do a post and forget about it but we should try to talk discuss this with our parents, nieces and nephews, sons and daughters. Also, we need to support survivors and make the process of seeking medical and legal help easier. We improve our legislation to show that our public, social media outcry isn’t just a phase, a trend that is swiftly swept away. We learn from the pain of others. We do NOT justify or explain rape or any form of sexual abuse.
#saynotorape
Some articles or helplines
UK – https://www.victimsupport.org.uk/help-and-support/get-help
Domestic abuse – https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/How-can-we-support-you
https://www.thesurvivorstrust.org/
List of different helplines https://www.thesurvivorstrust.org/Pages/FAQs/Category/national-helplines
Nigeria – https://standtoendrape.org/
General info
http://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2003/42/part/1/crossheading/rape
Breathe 
Informative and Powerful article.
I concur…
NOBODY should blame the victim because no one deserves to be sexually assaulted, NOBODY.
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Thanks Odette. Please share 😊
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