Hello my loves

How has February been for you?

Disclaimer – This is quite a long post, so get strapped in. Get yourself a drink or snack. Yeah, treat yourself. You might need it as you read 😆

As you guessed, I want to talk on defense mechanisms today, but probably not in the way you think. Defense mechanisms are unconscious ways in which we protect ourselves from intense emotional stressors such as fear, distress, pain, etc. The stressor might be internal or external. They essentially aim to avoid unpleasant emotions, but they’re often problematic because they leave the actual issue unaddressed and unresolved.

Defense mechanisms affect all our relationships. In my training as a psychiatrist, I’ve learnt about defense mechanisms, but I’ve never thought of them in relation to my relationship with God. A few months ago, I stumbled on an article which was talking about attachment styles (maybe I’ll talk on that someday) and how that (can) relate(s) to our relationship with God and that really got me thinking. So when out of the blues I was thinking of defense mechanisms in relation to God, I was quite excited to think about it more and see what others think. There’s not a lot out there (that I’ve found) on defense mechanisms in relation to our relationship with God, so these are my fresh thoughts. They may be refined over time 😉

Defense mechanisms can be categorised into immature, neurotic (anxiety) and mature. There’s a fourth one that’s sometimes included called pathological or narcissistic (sometimes these are grouped with immature defenses). There are many defense mechanisms, but I won’t touch on all of them. I’ll take at least one from each category to illustrate my point.

Pathological defenses
Some examples are projection, denial, and splitting.
For example, splitting means having two extremes of opinion or feeling about something. For example, based on what’s happening in my life, I might think God is either good or bad. If I feel God is bad, I naturally withdraw from Him. Truth is, He is always good even when life is not good. He remains faithful when we are faithless. His mercies never cease. They are refreshed daily, whether it feels that way or not.

Immature defenses
Some examples are acting out, passive-aggression, and fantasising.
With passive aggression, there is a silent hostility where one is generally uncooperative. For example, I feel God hasn’t answered my prayer about something, so I won’t do what He asks me to do but might pretend I don’t understand the instruction. Do not be deceived. God is not mocked. He is compassionate towards us, but we have a God from whom we can not hide. Man looks at outward appearance, but God looks at the heart.

Neurotic defenses
Some examples are displacement, intellectualisation, and reaction formation.
Intellectualisation sounds like a good one, but it’s not all it’s cracked to be. This is one I’m guilty of. Lord, help me. Essentially, it’s creating distance from unpleasant emotions by hyperfocusing on facts. Instead of taking a painful experience to God, I fill the space with facts about God’s nature (e.g., his goodness) but not in a way that helps me actually engage with that nature.

Mature defenses
Some examples are suppression, humour, and sublimation.
With humour, you express difficult feelings in a light-hearted way. For example, God is taking me through a tough time, and I joke about how he’s trying to kill me (my flesh). Brother James must have known something about this from what he said in his book (James 1:2-4) 😆 but really, joy is not the same as humour.

So, tying it all together, I’m not saying this absolutely fits, but it can be helpful for us to use this to examine or reflect on some of our responses to God. If you notice similar responses to situations with people, then … you know, maybe you should spend some time thinking about it and taking it to God in prayer.

I would be interested in knowing what you think. I know this won’t appeal to some people at all, and that’s okay. We all approach things in different ways. Be blessed as I end with a prayer.

Lord, we thank you because you’re the omniscient God. You know everything about everything, Lord, and that blows my mind. I thank you that you see the maladaptive ways in which we deal with things and relationships and how that affects our relationship with you as well. Whatever we  choose to call it, these issues are present and prevent us from healing and experiencing full freedom and intimacy with you. Lord, we ask that you expose these areas in our lives and help us bring them to you so we can be freed from them and work through them together. Strengthen us, Lord, to face these parts of ourselves that we sometimes like to ignore (denial 😉) and help us to open ourselves to your work in us. Amen.

References
Images from @thebraincoach