Author: Sinmi

Rights and rites

Aloha! Hope this blog post meets you at the right time! Let’s delve right into this juicy topic that gets me all worked up and going from 0 to 100 at the speed of light … okay maybe not that fast haha!

I read an article a while back (pretty rubbish if you ask me) about the expectations people have about dating. Unfortunately, I can’t remember the title or anything.They gave some cases where boy meets girl and they decide to meet up or start a relationship. However, the girl (ALWAYS 🙄) always expects the guy to basically take on the role of provider. In one instance, the girl brings many people on the date and expects the guy to pay for all of them! Like really?! Anyway, tonight I want to talk about some of these scenarios *in Falz voice* (If you do not know Falz, stop reading and check him out on YouTube … then come back 😉).

Disclaimer – I am not having a go at anyone. No one annoyed me. If you find yourself on this table, it will vibrate till you fall off so just climb down now 😅😅

Date – Bringing a plus x (1 – ∞ (infinity 😉 you’re welcome)

First of all, this is just wrong! Why would you bring loads of people or even anyone to a date someone has exclusively invited you to? If the thought pops into your head, it is a matter of simple etiquette to inform the person who invited you and ask their permission before you turn up with your squad and make a mug of yourself. I personally think it is very impolite to bring extras to a date, especially when you have not informed the other party; more so on a first date (on any date even *side-eye*). I’m not sure why people think it is a good idea and I’m very happy to hear their side of the story (honestly). If it’s a case of not being sure about the person’s motives or whatever, like I said earlier, it’s always better to inform them beforehand before springing a (nasty) surprise on them.

Date – ordering more than you can afford

This is a no-no. scrap that. NO-NO! thou shalt not do this. It just makes me really uncomfortable. Never, ever think it’s your God given right that the person who invited you out MUST pay. Always come prepared with your own money and only order what you can afford with the resources you have (By resources I’m not including your hands for washing plates *laughs in capital letters*)! If you are greedy and order expensive things, that you normally won’t buy for yourself, and the guy decides not to pay, how ashamed will you feel? (Like honestly) Some people might say if someone can’t afford everything on a menu, they should not invite you to such a place. Maybe, maybe not 🤷🏾‍♀️ but you too, some self-respect won’t go amiss here. Also, I should add, if you’re going to invite someone out, make sure you have enough money to provide for both your meals. It doesn’t mean you necessarily have to pay but I think it’s the polite thing to do. Even if the date was horrible, be the bigger person and pay but obviously that’s just my opinion.

Relationship – Maintenance fee (are you a machine or a service? 🤔)

This particular one makes me sad inside. Why should someone pay you to be their significant other? I’m not talking of marriage here (Not that you should be paid for getting married to someone, topic for another day ha-ha, let’s not get carried away). Why should your boyfriend or girlfriend pay you? Let me clarify things a little. Boy meets girl. They like one another and start a relationship, with mutual agreement. Girl/Boy subsequently expects ‘up-keep’ money or an allowance from the other person (beht why) because they need stuff? I think that’s wrong. Now if there is an obvious need and one person has more expenses than the other, it’s sensible that they help the other person. This is not a right, it is not a responsibility, it is ‘sensible’. If he gives you money one month, or she bought you a gift the other day, that does not translate to a regular pattern of giving money or gifts. I am a strong believer of living within your means. Cut your cloth according to your coat! If you can’t afford it, learn to do without it. If you get it per chance, then that’s nice. If you don’t, life goes on. Forget the ‘status quo’. No one should determine what car you drive or what bag you carry or whatever else you think is a reflection of how ‘well’ you’re doing in life. I’m not saying don’t be ambitious. No, be very ambitious and always strive to be a better version of yourself but do it respectfully, not by sponging off others. Haunty *in Jenifa’s voice*, it is not your birth right for your boyfriend to give you a monthly allowance. Huncle (I did not forget you), It is not your birth-right for your girlfriend to buy you expensive perfume (LOL) or give you sex in exchange for gifts or money. Let me quickly move on before I shake this table too much! 🙊🏃‍♀️🏃🏾‍♀️🏃🏾‍♀️

I think these three are enough fodder for today 😥😰 A common thread/theme in these examples is self-respect. I think respect is very important in building our self-esteem (self-image) and our relationships with others. If you respect yourself (adequately), I believe you won’t put yourself in a situation where you are vulnerable, or someone is able to bring shame on you. You would also treat other people with respect by not stepping on their toes and just being ‘generally sensible’. I don’t think people should use any of these three scenarios as a ‘test’ or rite of passage for a potential partner, to assess their commitment. It just might backfire! A word is enough for the wise (😂😂 I laugh a lot, maybe too much 🤔).

So, tell me … what are your thoughts? Do you think I’m talking absolute balderdash? Being too harsh? Unrealistic? Whatever? Please tell me in your comments and share this with your friends. Talk about it, hear other people’s views on this matter!

Posted on by Sinmi 9

Being a woman …

Sorry guys 😦 I know it’s been a minute … or two … or 2 months LOL! I wanted to put a post out last month but it was not ready in time and I just kept procrastinating *🤦🏽‍♀️* Anyway, we’re here now. This is the post that was meant for last month. Enjoy!!

Last month we celebrated International women’s day and Mothering Sunday (in some parts of the world). I’ve also celebrated my mother’s birthday as well my godmother’s. So I am writing this article for all the women out here #dasright

This article is not ignoring or denying the fantastic and admirable things the men in our lives do. This is not emasculating men. It is focusing on the women, simples #okay #onyva #letsgo

First of all, to all the women who go out there and get things done, I applaud you.

Those who feel less than, I encourage you.

To those who are struggling, I remind you that Rome was not built in a day… keep pushing.

To those in dark places, I pray light finds you.

Woman, you are strong, you are resilient, you are a treasure!

You're awesome, dad! (1)

In this article, I’m going skate over two themes briefly; the first being what success means as a woman and the second, women supporting women.

What makes you a woman? Is it just your physical body, boobs etc? Your hormones? Biochemistry? Your emotions? The role(s) you play? I think it’s a bit of everything. If I decided to have my boobs cut off (which I do not #breathe #fictitious #example), it does not make me less of a woman. If you decided you did not want children, that does not make you less of a woman. Never let anyone make you feel less than or incomplete as a woman or a failure because you have done certain things or not attained certain ‘landmark’ achievements. Think about what is important to you, your identity, what makes you you. What is your purpose? How will you achieve it? Break it down into little steps and go out there and do it! I am not saying I have life and everything it entails figured out to a T. I am very much on this journey like anyone else but I hope sharing my musings can perhaps trigger some thoughts of your own.

To me, success as a person, as a woman, is achieving your purpose. A quote I saw recently resonated with me and I’d like to share it with you.

The person doing the most with what he’s got is truly successful. Not the one who becomes the richest or most famous, but the one who has the closest ratio of talents received to talents used.

As women (and people 😉 ), we are all at different phases and stages of life. For those who have already gone through a particular phase, we should understand some of the challenges those coming behind or currently in that phase are facing. The challenges may not be identical but there will be similar themes. As such, we should support one another and offer our advise… not your commandments or the rules to be adhered to #thoushaltnot #dosanddonts.

Sometimes we are our own worst enemy. We criticize, condemn, discourage and malign one another and wonder why men don’t stick up for us (I am not exonerating them of blame when it’s theirs). We can’t continuously blame others for all our problems. If we supported one another better, I believe life will be more enjoyable and less stressful for many of us. This does not mean life will be smooth sailing and all our problems will suddenly disappear #iwish #tooright. However, this also does not mean we can never tell people when we think they are doing something wrong, especially if they ask your opinion. This does not equate to advising (more like reminding) people about their weight or marital status willynilly like some people are wont to do #notpointingfingers #notjudging #justsaying. Everyone is ultimately responsible for their actions and in as much as sometimes you can see someone headed for disaster and you seek to avert it, you might not be able to. You can’t save everyone and that’s not your job. Say your bit and face your front! #thankyouandGodbless #forrealtho

Maya angelou quote

In your being real and ‘tough love’, I’ll drop this quote by Miss Angelou #nuffsaid. If you are nasty, then you’ll be remembered for that, irrespective of the truth of your words or the heart behind it. So, think before you speak and speak in love. Ask yourself if someone said this to me, in this exact way, how will I feel? That’s not a foolproof litmus test but it might help *🤷🏾‍♀️*

Posted on by Sinmi 16

Worry

Hallo guys 😊😊 It’s been a minute. Today we’re having our first discussion on mental health. Get strapped in 😉

We all worry. That’s part of life. Sometimes we worry about the little things (e.g. did I get the best apples from the shop) and other times we worry about the big things (e.g. will I get the job?).

I’ll be discussing anxiety in this post. I’ll be defining what it is and things to look out for.

Anxiety, in psychiatry, is usually referring to Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD). However, it may also be referring to anxiety disorders which are a group of disorders which all have elements of anxiety such as Social anxiety disorder, Specific phobia (e.g. agoraphobia), etc. This post will be discussing GAD specifically as it is one of the commonest mental health problems.

The mere fact that you tend to worry about things a lot does not necessarily mean you have anxiety.

To reiterate, we all worry at different times in life, whether our worry is ‘rational’ or not. The mere fact that you tend to worry about things a lot does not necessarily mean you have anxiety. An important construct in psychiatry is the idea that regardless of what ‘problems’ you’re having, for it to be labelled as a disorder, it has to be impacting on your life. This impact may be noticed in different domains e.g. socially, academically or occupationally. Thus, in anxiety, that construct applies. For you to be diagnosed with anxiety, it usually has started impacting on your life in one or more domains.

3.6%
Geographic distribution of anxiety disorders worldwide. 264 million cases (WHO)

A major difference between worrying a lot and anxiety disorder is the fact that the former is short-lived and in relation to a stimulus (e.g. a test or public speaking) whereas the latter is persistent worry in relation to many things even when there are no obvious stimuli (e.g. persistent worrying about losing your job when there are no problems at work or anything to indicate your job might be in jeopardy).

So, what exactly is anxiety?

According to the ICD-10*, it is “A condition marked by excessive worry and feelings of fear, dread, and uneasiness that last six months or longer.” The DSM-V* adds that these symptoms should be present for “more days than not” for the 6-month period. It also adds that the anxiety symptoms should be causing “clinically significant distress or impairment” in important domains as suggested above. Apart from these symptoms, people with anxiety may also develop symptoms like being restless, being tired or irritable, muscle tension, not being able to concentrate or sleep well, shortness of breath, fast heartbeat, sweating, and dizziness. They may also have chest pain or stomach cramps sometimes.

It is important to note that some of the symptoms listed above are physical symptoms which may be attributed to other causes.

It is important to note that some of the symptoms listed above are physical symptoms which may be attributed to other causes. For example, someone having chest pain and palpitations may think they are having a heart attack or heart problems. As such in mental health, it is important to rule out other physical health conditions that may cause similar symptoms.

Anxiety does not have a single cause. It could be genetic in the sense that ‘anxious personalities’ may run in some families. It may also occur following a stressful life event such as divorce or loss of employment. Another cause is childhood trauma.

anxiety
Global prevalence of anxiety disorders (%) WHO

Over 3% of people suffer from anxiety worldwide and it is more common in women. People with anxiety (GAD) are more likely to have other mental health problems such as depression or other anxiety disorders.

It’s not your fault!

If you think you have some of these symptoms and have had them for over 6 months, I would suggest you see your (family) doctor to discuss how you have been feeling and take it from there. Remember, there are tons of people all over the world, having similar experiences, so you’re not alone or weird. It’s not your fault!

There’s lots of help available if you are diagnosed with anxiety. You can have counselling to discuss what you are anxious about. Also, psychological therapies such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can help you manage your thoughts, feelings and change the way you behave. It focuses on rewiring the way you think, to make it more positive so your thoughts don’t drag you down the rabbit hole of despair and anxiety.

Also, if your anxiety is severe, you may benefit from some medication. This is a discussion your doctor will have with you if they think you need medication. Antidepressants are commonly used to treat anxiety. However, this does not mean you have depression.

Telling close family and friends may be helpful if you know they’ll be supportive and understanding.

In summary, anxiety is more than just worrying, it’s persistently worrying which has an impact on your life. You are not alone if you have anxiety. There is lots of help for you out there. You may have good days and there may be some bad days as well but overall, I hope you find life enjoyable regardless of whether you have anxiety or not. Telling close family and friends may be helpful if you know they’ll be supportive and understanding.

If you’d like so more information on anxiety, I have put some links below. Also, my references are below if you want to check them out.

For your heavenly Father knows that you need them. (1)

I’d like to leave this final message with you. No matter what’s going on in your life, God cares and wants to be present with you through it all.

Please follow/subscribe and tell a friend. Leave your comments below!

*ICD-10 (International Statistical Classification of Diseases and Related Health Problems, 10th revision) and DSM-V (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition) are two main diagnostic manuals used in the diagnosis of mental health conditions. ICD-10 is made by the WHO is largely used in Europe (and worldwide really) while the DSM-V is made in the USA and is largely used in the Americas. However, they are both used worldwide. So, I will be referring to them in my posts.

References

http://www.icd10data.com/ICD10CM/Codes/F01-F99/F40-F48/F41-/F41.1

https://images.pearsonclinical.com/images/assets/basc-3/basc3resources/DSM5_DiagnosticCriteria_GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder.pdf

https://patient.info/health/anxiety/generalised-anxiety-disorder

http://apps.who.int/iris/bitstream/10665/254610/1/WHO-MSD-MER-2017.2-eng.pdf

Resources

Anxiety disorders – https://patient.info/health/anxiety

GAD – https://patient.info/health/anxiety/generalised-anxiety-disorder

Young people – http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/healthadvice/parentsandyoungpeople/youngpeople/worriesandanxieties.aspx

Anxiety info – http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/healthadvice/problemsanddisorders/anxiety,panicandphobias/anxietyphobiaskeyfacts.aspx

Posted on by Sinmi 0

I went to church one evening for a young adults worship night, after much thought and deliberation, you know them days 😉 . We sang a song that night which caused me to consider something that had never crossed my mind.

A line from the song goes:

I will love you Lord my shield

I’ve always known God to be my shield. However, my interpretation of Him being my shield was quite limited. I always thought he was shielding me from external things such as crazy people trying to run me over, thieves, danger, etc. However, this evening, I realised that God is not only shielding me from external dangers and attack, but also internal attack. It’s crazy to consider the concept of internal attack but if you think deeply enough, you’ll realise it exists, maybe has different titles to different people, but it’s the same concept underneath all that.

You might ask what internal attack looks like. I’d say it’s anything that turns you against yourself, any source of internal conflict such as low self-esteem, self-doubt, low self-confidence, etc. Having internal conflict does not mean you’re weak (*insert term similar to weakness). It simply identifies an area of your life, or my life that needs a bit more work. I would say I’m relatively confident, not bags of confidence but enough 😉 When I started working, I had the worst ever case of internal attack. It felt like my thoughts were attacking me, like they hated me. I’m not crazy or being melodramatic, promise #scoutshonor It was horrible! What do you do when you’re both judge and jury for yourself?

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Allow me to set the scene. I was due to start a weekend shift (which is dreadful!) and was understandably worried about it and how I’ll survive the weekend. Going along that night and hearing that line was a breakthrough for me. I realised #eurekamoment that God can and does shield me from the interal conflict I have. I don’t have to suffer through it, endure it, etc. I can give it to God because he is big enough to shield me from external attack and also internal attack! So, I don’t know what’s going on in your life, maybe everything is just peachy or maybe you’ve hit a few bumps in the road, wherever you’re at, know that God wants to be a part of it. He loves you, all of you, not just the neat and tidy parts but also those rough edges, those dark, tarnished spots. Giving it to God is not equivalent to automatic evaporation of the issue. Prayer is not a magic wand. He can make a bad situation ‘less bad’ #dontshootme #iknowwhatisaid So you have nothing to lose!

In my own situation, having that realisation alone was a major victory for me. I was no longer dreading the weekend. I wasn’t ecstatic to be working but I was quite happy to go to work. That weekend, I had help and favour from people and it turned out to be a good weekend! Not necessarily because there was less work, but more because I was at peace, the internal storm previously brewing was calm!

So, i challenge you today. Don’t remain in the vicious cycle of internal conflict! No matter what it is, how bad you think it is or how long it’s been going on for, God wants to come into that situation and bring his peace. He wants to shield you from yourself! Will you let him?

Posted on by Sinmi 8

First of all, introduction

Hallo! Hallo! Top of the evening to you 😀 😀 How’s the new year, month and week going? LOL!

What feels like eons ago, I promised I’ll put a post introducing myself and my blog and I haven’t yet … but the time is NOW *echo’echo’cho’ho’o, like Nigerian movie jingles 😉 * #ifyouknowyouknow I will be outlining what you can expect from the blog because I’m all about #managingexpectations!

My name is Sinmi. I am a newly qualified (in July) doctor, aka FY1; no medical questions allowed #pleaseandthankyou #nocando. My default answer will be see your local GP 😉 😀 I love reading and writing fiction, watching movies and hanging out with friends and family.

it's (3)

For a while now, I’ve wanted to start a blog because of my love for writing, especially because I’ve been ‘slacking’ on the writing front and I want a challenge. I’m also very passionate about everyday life and sometimes have the most random thoughts and what’s better than having random thoughts??? Sharing them with others 😉 🤔 I’m also passionate about mental health; people’s awareness of their own mental health and that of others. There’s a stigma surrounding mental health, particularly in some cultures and societies, so people tend to talk about mental health in a disparaging manner. Nowadays, it’s getting better, people are more open about discussing mental health and seeking help but we still have a long way to go. Phew! That’s my plug on mental health done!

My target audience is everyone who loves life, who thinks they could do with knowing a bit more about mental health and who wants to discuss things that many young people experience. Being Nigerian, I will sometimes address elements of the Nigerian culture and some stereotypes we might have. I do not mean this disrespectfully, neither am I trying to attack nor trivialize the beliefs of some people #honestly #crossmyheart. If I throw shade or shake a table you’re on, simply climb off 🤣🤣

My aim is to post at least monthly on the blog, on the last Thursday of each month. Some months you might get a treat 😀 and get some extra posts because I’m sweet like that. I’ll be doing different types of pieces such as poems, fiction, information pieces, opinion pieces, etc.

I look forward to reading your comments and getting to know you guys and building a community really. As I mentioned in a previous post, please let’s respect everyone on this platform! If there’s ever something you want me to discuss, just write it in a comment or drop me a line!😀😁

Posted on by Sinmi 10

End of year

Happy New Year (1)

Hallo there. So it’s the end of the year and everyone and their dog is writing about their year and their plans for the new year, goals and all that good stuff. So I’ll jump on the bandwagon 😂😂

Nah seriously … it’s been a bit of a funny year for me but I’m not going to bore you with all the details of my year or maybe I’ll just do it next year once the hype has died down 😂😂😉

I’ve got some tips about end of year/new year.

1) Set time aside to reflect on this year that’s ending. Think about the good, bad and ugly parts of the year. The aim is not to be full of regret, self-pity or shame. No, the aim is to celebrate and be thankful for the good moments; to think about what made the bad moments bad and likewise for the ugly.

2) On the back of no 1:

  • write 5 things you’re thankful for. It may be more or less than 5, there’s no fancy reason for 5 😉
  • 5 things you learned from the bad moments
  • 5 things you’d like to improve next year (from the ugly moments) – can be anything e.g. better coping mechanisms, knowing who to ask for help etc.

3) None of these uber unrealistic goals that you make every year and never achieve. I’m not saying don’t dream big or restrict yourself to ‘small’ things. More on that below.

SMART

4) Ask yourself what you want to achieve this new year. Don’t worry if it’s the same as last year. Rome was not built in a day (trust me I’ve been there 😉). Have smart goals this year. Where possible break things into nice, manageable tasks. If possible, share it someone who can hold you accountable!

5) Learn something new (no matter how small); or improve an existing skill.

6) So you don’t think 5 is my favourite number 🤣🤣🤣

On a serious note though, Be hopeful. Don’t let anyone or anything steal your hope or joy this year. Protect yourself. be proactive, have a contingency plan because there will be things this year that may want to cause you to lose hope or steal your joy. It doesn’t have to be something fancy e.g. a song to de-stress, a close friend to talk to, a bible verse to read, you get the picture. It’ll be better if it’s something easily accessible though.

Have a great year ahead!!!

Posted on by Sinmi 8

Christmas

R.E.S.P.E.C.T (2)

Merry Christmas to one and all. It’s the season to be jolly and all that jazz. I would love for everyone to have a swell time at Christmas but unfortunately life happens. I’m not the Grinch, promise.

Truth is, not everyone is jolly and some who are jolly aren’t as jolly as they could be. In fact for some this season is very difficult and that’s exacerbated by the ‘joy’ of everyone. For some, it might be the death of a loved one, for others it might be financial difficulties. Loneliness might be what people are dreading this season.

I’m not saying don’t celebrate Christmas and have a good time but be mindful of others whose day might not be going so well. I’m sure we can all think of someone who might have things rough this season. Spare them a thought and maybe a prayer. Try to reach out to them and try not to use any corny phrases. Let them know you’re there to offer support should the need arise.

Posted on by Sinmi 0

Hello there! I almost can’t believe this is going out … finally. I’ve wanted to start a blog since forever but because of procrastination and fear, I have put it off for the longest time. I have now decided that if I wait for it to be perfect and everything I dream it should be, I’ll never actually do this.

Every so often, I receive ‘ginger’ (motivation) to do the blog and I work on it for a while and then that fire peters out and it goes back on the shelf somewhere. Today I went on Youtube to listen to a song by Teni Entertainer (I love her!) and I saw a video by TY Bello and Tope Alabi which I’ve been meaning to watch. Anyway, as is often the case with YouTube, I did other stuff, except the one thing I went on YouTube to do. Before I closed the app, I decided to click on the song ‘Logan ti o de’ (Instantly) and watch it and it really touched me. I then went on to watch other videos of spontaneous worship and finally got to one titled ‘Amen’. From the first few riffs, there was a connection deep within me and tears started to flow. The waterworks did not ebb throughout the song. Things dropped into my spirit even before TY mentioned them. Dreams and promises that have long been forgotten were called into remembrance and life was breathe upon them. Well, this is one of my dreams and it is receiving life today! I did not really intend to share this story but I think it is important as an introduction (you’ll get a proper one later, trust *wink*) to who I am. My values and my life are very much intertwined with the God that I serve and you’ll see elements of that in the things I say and write (hopefully *laugh) and my opinion on things, in a non-forceful way.

R.E.S.P.E.C.T (1)

I must say that my opinions are just that, opinions. I do not expect you to agree with everything I say. I love diversity and the fact that no two humans are the same so I do not wish to squash anyone’s opinions. However, I do have some rules (laying down the law now haha).

  • No name-calling is allowed on this platform. No matter how much someone annoys you or you think their pinion is completely irrational, silly, whatever, no name-calling is allowed!
  • Respect everyone including yourself. Please be respectful, it does not detract anything from the point you are trying to make.
  • No swearing please. Let’s keep it kosher. There might be young-uns on here.

Those are the main things that spring to mind. So … there you have it! A bit of an odd introduction but you are welcome to my blog! I hope we have bags of laughs and also are able to discuss the issues which affect us in a safe space and you’ll get to know along the way. I also look forward to getting to know you guys better. Ciao!

Sinmi

Posted on by Sinmi 4