End of a chapter

Hello guys 😊

It’s that time of year where we’re reflecting on how the year has gone. The good, the bad and the ugly.

It’s been a hot minute since I shared something personal. This year I have experienced a lot of good things. Many prayers have been answered, many fears allayed and by the same token, many hopes realised. I have truly been loaded with many benefits.

During the latter part of this year, one of my hopes were dashed. Sigh. I’ve been shocked at how much this has cast a shadow on these blessings I’ve just been talking about. It’s almost as though the bitter taste (this has left) in my mouth has erased the memory of the sweetness I enjoyed earlier. It’s so subtle. At times, I find myself thinking this year has been rubbish or my life is just … More recently, I’m catching these thoughts, recognising they’re not the full picture and trying to balance/counter them with the knowledge of the great benefits I’ve enjoyed this year.

It sucks to end the year with this bitter taste lingering on my tongue, in my mind. It’s hard to generate excitement for the year that’s round the corner. (I’m not a fan of suffering olympics, but) I know there are people going through worse things and I really hope they are surrounded by love and find strength to keep going.

To those of us whose 2024 has not panned out how we hoped or perhaps there’s a dream you had that hasn’t come to pass or even crashed and burnt, this post is for us.
This too shall pass.
Things aren’t always going to look bleak.
The pain abates after a while.

There are two songs I’d like to share which I think are beautiful and capture some of the sentiments I’ve shared. I’ll share the Spotify links and YouTube links.

Hold on to me – Lauren Daigle Spotify  YouTube

Your will – Lee Vasi Spotify YouTube

A third link I’ll share isn’t a song. It’s an exhortation, a fresh perspective on restoration by a lady called Ty Bello. It’s also on Spotify.

Rom 15:13 NIV

I’d like to end with a prayer.

Dear God, I thank you for all the beautiful things this year has brought (please list three things you’re grateful for). You have surprised me and filled my mouth with laughter. I’m grateful for all you’ve done for me and for being my father, my friend. You know that although I’m grateful there are things that have caused me pain this year too; things that I don’t understand; things that cause my hope and strength to fail. Lord I want to be hopeful but it’s so hard. I want to have the right perspective but pain blinds me at times. Lord you are the God of all hope. I ask that you fill me with your hope, your joy and your strength. As hard as it is, help me to trust you and trust in your goodness and faithfulness. My 2025 is in your hands, let it be the year that you have made, one I will rejoice and be glad in. In Jesus name I pray, amen 🙏



Posted on by Sinmi 2

Prayers I’d like to share

Hello dear people ☺️

Sorry for the abrupt, unscheduled break in transmission. If you’re not new, then you’re probably not surprised as it’s not the first time   🤭  🫠 The last few months have been full of ups and downs, mainly ups to be fair. That’s quite typical of life, isn’t it?

Anyway, this post is going to be different, and I might bring a similar version back in the future. Over the last few weeks, I’ve written some prayers based on bible verses, which I’d like to share with you. First, I’d like to share a prayer that I’ve not written. I found it on a website I’d been using as part of my devotional. It resonated very strongly with me, and when I shared it on WhatsApp, it resonated with some others as well. I hope it blesses someone.

Now, for some of the prayers I’ve written, I know they won’t be for everyone. When I wrote them, I wrote them for myself, but if someone else finds it helpful, I’ll be even happier.

Isaiah 50 prayer
Thank you Lord that I am your disciple. Thank you for teaching me. I receive your teaching. Thank you for wakening me daily and wakening my ears. My ears are open to hear you. I will not be rebellious or turn back in disobedience. I receive your strength to obey fully. I am helped by you. I receive your help and empowerment. I recognise your help. I will not be ashamed. I will not be confounded or confused. I am determined to do your will as you reveal it to me, so I set my face like a flint. In Jesus’ name, I pray, amen

Psalm 95 prayer
Thank you for being my God. I am so blessed to be the sheep of your hand and to be among your pasture. As my shepherd, you lead me and instruct me on where to go. I thank you because I know your voice and I recognise it clearly as you speak. As you speak to me through this period, Lord help me to maintain a soft heart of flesh towards you. I rebuke, renounce, and refuse any trace of hardness of heart in me. I declare my heart is soft, good soil where your seed can be planted and bear good fruit. As you sweetened the waters at Meribah, please hasten to sweeten this situation also. I do not want to tempt you, grieve, or disgust you like my forebears (the israelites) did. I do not want to experience the work of your judgement. Please help me and be merciful towards me. Help me not to err in my heart, and as you search me, please expose every element of error so that I may repent, be forgiven, restored, and placed back on track. I do want to enter into your rest, and I want to experience and enjoy my promised land, the land of blessings you have prepared for me. I thank you for all these things I have received from you, my Lord, and my God. In Jesus’ name, I pray, amen


Psalm 55:22
Lord, I thank you for your welcome, your call to me to come with my burdens. You ask me to release the weight of it by giving it to you. You take the weight off me, and I feel so light and free. Thank you, Jesus. You promise to sustain me so I receive your sustenance. You keep me going, Lord, not scraping by but with an abundance of grace and strength. Because I’ve been made righteous by the blood of Christ, in your kindness and faithfulness, you won’t allow me to be moved. I will not stumble, slip, fall, or fail because I am backed by the Most High who doesn’t fail. In Jesus’ name, I pray, amen 🙏

Please let me know what you think of this kind of post.

Blessings
Sinmi

Posted on by Sinmi 4

Who’s at the wheel?

Hello, my people. Sorry I missed last month 😕 😢  It was not intentional, the month just got away from me. It was like it skipped a few days. Here we are, and June’s almost ended as well.

I’ll just get right into it.

Let me start by saying I don’t think there is any one analogy that fully explains God’s involvement or role in our decision-making and life’s journey. I personally don’t think it’s a linear thing. It can be simple but often is not easy. This is because it’s nuanced and multi-faceted.

funny-ole-at-the-wheelDownload


Last month, I was thinking of an analogy of what my life is like as a Christian and my decisions, my journey. A phrase popped into my mind, “Ole at the wheel.” 😆  If you’re a football person, you already have an idea what that statement means. If you’re not a football person, I’ll give some context. There’s a big club in an English football league called Manchester United (you’ve probably heard that name). In the last few years, they’ve not been doing well and have had a series of managers with varying results. Ole Gunnar was a manager who had some initial results, but things soon ended badly for the team. Social media was rife with disappointment, and some people coined the phrase “Ole at the wheel” to depict the derailment of the club’s success in the league.


It got me thinking, “Who is at the wheel of my life?” Like Ole Gunnar, am i driving myself into a ditch (insert other obstacle), or am i letting God lead me where he wants me to go. I’ll leave you to think on these verses.

Is God like google maps?

My next thought is, “Am I treating God like google Maps (whose guidance I can ignore)? That i leave or take at will?

If I say God is in the driving seat of my life, where does that leave me? Does it absolve me of responsibility for where the car goes? Am I being passive? Someone without agency? Is there a place to say I should be in the driver’s seat but be directed by God? Albeit in a capacity that far surpasses Google maps. God’s directions are not suggestions. They are instructions and commands, and that’s where the google maps analogy falls down. Google maps can not force you to go somewhere (and neither would God) but can tell you different ways to get to a destination. It can redirect you when you disobey intentionally or accidentally. Sometimes, it will ask you to go back, and other times, it identifies a different route.


God has a will for us, and he has a way he wants to accomplish that will. That way is the solid blue line on your maps, which is the ideal route. Doing things his way is the best (and less painful) way to accomplish his will. It might not be easy but when you think of the alternative of doing things your way, making a mess of things and having to redo things his way, it’s the less arduous way of doing things. In his mercy, in spite of our flaws, stubbornness, and misadventures, God is able to bring good out of our journeys. He weaves it all together and brings us to an expected end, and the glory goes to him.

Takeaway (No, not food)

Who do I think should be at the wheel of life? How have I come to that conclusion?
Can I explain this to someone I trust who is wise and godly
Do I need to change things in light of this? What do I need to do?

So this time, I’ve left you with questions to ponder. I’d love to know what you think. Talk about this with friends, share it, leave a comment, or message me privately.

Enjoy the rest of June, and I pray July meets you well 🙏 ✨️ 🙌🏽 ❤️

Posted on by Sinmi 6

Friendship with God: love and Obedience

Hello, my lovelies 😍

A few weeks ago, I heard a preach (sermon) at my church. It was on friendship with God. I thought I knew where it was headed, but something caught my attention.

The speaker was highlighting the importance of obedience in friendship with God, and that’s what this post is based on.

I was raised in church, and my dad is particularly big on obedience being very important, so I’ve had it drummed into me about obeying God. There are many Scriptures which back this up e.g. ‭1 Samuel 15:22.

As I’ve grown in church, there has also been this concept of friendship with God. I think because of the expression of church (charismatic) that I participate in and the part of the world that I’m in, I have internalised a specific idea of what friendship with God looks like.

When I think of what friendship is, I think of warm, fuzzy feelings, a best friend who I can tell all my secrets, who can support me when I’m weak and who can share my joys. I think of commitment. I think of someone on my level (so to speak) who I have banter with and can joke with, etc. I have us both on the same level essentially, even with older friends whose age difference and experience I respect.
When I apply some of these ideas to my friendship with God, they don’t translate perfectly. While God is closer than anyone can be and wants to know my deepest desires and have real intimacy with me, we are not on the same level. I can’t bring God down to my level. He is my friend, yes, but before he is my friend, he is God Almighty. My friendship with him should not bring irreverence. My friendship with God should not detract from the awe and fear that his presence commands. Familiarity should not blind me to the fullness of who God is.

I have never thought of obedience in the context of friendship. Because I’ve thought of being on the same level as my friends, I don’t see obedience as something integral to the relationship. However, with God, obedience is essential, regardless of what lens or perspective through which im viewing our relationship. I was ‭struck by the simplicity of John 14:15 in stating how interwoven love (read friendship) and obedience are.

I can’t claim to love God if I don’t obey his commands.

Command – This suggests that God’s words are not merely the suggestions of a friend that you can take or leave. They are not optional extras that have no bearing on the integrity of the relationship. Actions speak louder than words, and here, God is saying that if you truly love me and value our relationship, you’ll do what I say. When it’s easy, when you get it, when it seems unclear or even dangerous. If my love was measured by my obedience to God, how would I fare? Would I measure up? Am I doing the barest minmum? Am I just coasting along? Am I being intentional and seeking out what he says? Am I being faithful with what he’s told me to do?

[Disclaimer – there’s always more depth to be attained in my love for God, and I could never match his love. That’s not the intention. The idea is this, based on what I am capable of doing, how much am I doing?]

I need to re-examine my relationship through this lens and ensure that I am living a life of obedience to God.

Doing things for God (aka service or sacrifice) is great. It is encouraged. But doing what God has asked you to do (obedience) is a higher priority. If you obey, you will surely be sacrificing as well. A lot of what God asks us to do requires sacrifice, but the issue is that sometimes we want to choose what we should sacrifice instead of what he requires us to sacrifice.

If you would like to watch the sermon that inspired this post, click the link below 👇🏾

I’ll leave you with a beautiful hymn that I grew up listening to

Posted on by Sinmi 2

A simple prayer 🙏 🙌🏽

Sometimes, we overcomplicate prayer, and this can make prayer a daunting, insurmountable task that we’re doomed to fail at. So, of course, we fall at the first hurdle because in our minds, we don’t think we can do it or be good at it.
Today (the day I wrote this) as I started listening to a preach/talk, a phrase popped into my head. It is a simple prayer, one that is always relevant, always useful, and speaks to God’s heart. It can be used alone or in conjunction with other prayers.

Be it unto me according to your word oh God

No matter what is going on in your life, these words will always be relevant. Sometimes, they will be very hard to say and actually mean, but they will never be the wrong thing to say.

As I wrote this, I was reminded that we have a beautiful example in Mary, the mother of our Lord, who said these words. She must have been perplexed, confused, and dumbfounded. Not only will she be pregnant by God’s spirit, but her aged relative will also have a child. What’s Mary’s response? “Let it be done as you have said”. She doesn’t know how it’s  all going to work out. She doesn’t have a precedent to relate this to; she doesn’t have all the answers and yet she says “Let it be according to what you have said” because she knows God’s word will never come to destroy but to build and mould us into his vessels.

There are different ways to pray with this verse, and I will list three of them:

Praying this by “itself”

Praying this by “itself”, you can draw on God’s word to you.

Lord, I know you have great plans for my life, and you have made me for a purpose. Lord be it unto me according to all that’s written in your book for me.

Help me, Lord, to know what your plans are for me and how to fulfil them. Help me to stick to the path you have set for me so that my life can be all that you have in mind for me.

Praying it with general scripture

Sometimes, it feels like we don’t know what God is saying specifically to us,  perhaps about a situation or about our lives in general, and we don’t know what to pray. There’s a treasure trove of promises in the Bible waiting to be discovered. With the age of the Internet, you don’t have to be a bible scholar to find the promises. All you need is Google and Internet connection. Search God’s promises about x or bible verses about x, and you’ll be surprised at what you find. I’ll encourage you to read, not just the verses in isolation but the chunk of scripture that it’s a part of. Present what you read to God. For example, Lord be it unto me according to your word. Your word in Proverbs 16:3 states that I should commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans. So Lord, I commit my ways and works to you.

Lord, sometimes I don’t know what to do but I trust that you will guide me because your word says in ‭‭Isaiah 30:21 AMPC‬‬ “And your ears will hear a word behind you, saying, This is the way; walk in it, when you turn to the right hand and when you turn to the left.” So Lord, I declare that my ears are open to hear your voice, and I walk in obedience to your word.

Praying it with a specific promise God has given you.

Lord, you have said concerning me that x. Lord, I agree with your word. I say Amen, be it unto me according to your word.

So this month, why don’t you give this a go, when you feel stuck, worried, harried, content, agree with God regarding what he’s said about you. The more you agree, the more that’s internalised, and you manifest what you say. You build up a faith in you that spurs you onto good works. The internal work that is being done in you will become apparent, and you will bring glory to God. That’s the sum total of our lives, to bring glory to God.

This is not to say this is the only way to pray. That’s the beautiful thing. There are so many ways to pray. This can be a starting point for you. Whatever way you pray, you can be sure that God hears you. Sometimes, there’s a tyranny of choice, and we feel paralysed or unsure  how to proceed. This just helps to simplify things.
God bless you.

Be it unto you according to God’s word for you!

Posted on by Sinmi 0

Doing God’s word

Hey guys!

Last month, I talked about knowing what God’s saying to us so we have guidance for our lives and live according to his will.

This month, I’m talking about the other side of the coin. Once we know what God’s saying, what comes next? In my mind, what comes next is the doing. There’s no point knowing God’s will but not doing it. The blessing and growth come in the doing.

Matthew‬ ‭7:21‬ ‭AMPC‬‬: Not everyone who says to Me, Lord, Lord, will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father Who is in heaven.

The emphasis in these verses is on doing the will of God, not merely knowing it.

James‬ ‭1:22‬,25 ‭AMPC‬‬: But be doers of the Word [obey the message], and not merely listeners to it, betraying yourselves [into deception by reasoning contrary to the Truth. [25] But he who looks carefully into the faultless law, the [law] of liberty, and is faithful to it and perseveres in looking into it, being not a heedless listener who forgets but an active doer [who obeys], he shall be blessed in his doing (his life of obedience).

How do we do God’s way?

We could rationalise what God is saying and map out our own strategy to accomplish it. However, this is not the best way to do it. For example, Sarah and Abraham had a seemingly bright idea of how to bring about God’s word, and they ended up with Ishmael. This decision caused heartache for both of them in the long run, but God being gracious, they still got their promised son when they waited on God and did things his way. God has his way of fulfilling his word, and often, it is very different from our way.

Proverbs‬ ‭3:5‬,7 ‭AMPC‬‬: Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding. [7] Be not wise in your own eyes; reverently fear and worship the Lord and turn [entirely] away from evil.

Even though we have good intentions (in our consciousness), [our motives aren’t always pure], we don’t have the full picture. As such, the steps that we take might not be in line with the bigger picture God is formulating (has formulated). God doesn’t often tell us every detail of everything that is going to happen. There is a growth and stretching that comes as we journey with him, leaning on him, learning more about his way.

We can not do his will in our strength. We will fail or crash and burn or give up. We need God to strengthen us and sustain us in the doing of his will. His will is bigger than me. I am but a part of what he is doing; a key part nonetheless. He is depending on me to play my part well. Will I be faithful in doing what he has called me to?


God is gracious. He knows our feeble nature. We have a high priest who is very well acquainted with our struggles being like us on earth. He knows we will fail sometimes, get things wrong, and he is ready to set us straight; to put us back on the right path.

God asked me recently what was motivating me regarding an issue, faith or fear? Sometimes, we’re scared of failing, of getting things wrong. This fear is not from God. He wants us to step out. If you believe God is saying to do something, and it matches up with scripture, go ahead and do it, leaning on God each step of the way. If you’ve acted in error, God will redirect you. No experience is wasted. There’s always something we learn.

Sometimes, it might look like nothing is happening. You’re obeying, you’re pressing in, but not seeing the fruit or signs you expect, encourage yourself in the Lord. Remind yourself of his word to you. Remind yourself of his character – he is a faithful God, a good God. Remind yourself of the times he has come through for you.

Lastly, as you journey, check in with God regularly to make sure you’re still on the right track. ‭‭

In 1 Chronicles‬ ‭14:9‭-‬17‬, the Philistines raided Israel, and David asked God whether to go to war against them, and he obeyed. The Philistines did a second raid, and David asked again, “Should I go up against them?”. He could have assumed he knew what to do based on his last experience, but he did not. He asked God for fresh instructions, how to do things God’s way, and he got different instructions. God brought about his victory in a different way.

In summary, are we willing to do God’s will his way?
• Are you doing God’s will? Are you acting on the word(s) he’s given you? Are you checking in with him regularly?
• Are you doing things your way or God’s way?
• Are your actions motivated by faith or fear?
Are you discouraged? Write the vision down where you can easily see it

Posted on by Sinmi 0

Thoughts on the New Year

‭Happy New Year fam!!! I hope you’ve had some time to rest a little over the holiday season.

At the end of 2023, I came across a scripture (Isaiah‬ ‭53:1‬) ‭which stuck in my mind. It reminded me of a conversation I was having with some of my girls a few days earlier about having a word from God for ourselves.

Isaiah‬ ‭53:1‬ AMPC – WHO HAS believed (trusted in, relied upon, and clung to) our message [of that which was revealed to us]? And to whom has the arm of the Lord been disclosed?


Although this verse is talking about a word that has been proclaimed, it made me think, before a word can be proclaimed, it must first be received by a person.

What word has been revealed to me by God? Do I trust it? How much have I clung to it? Have I received it? Maybe we need to take a step back and ask – Do I even believe that God has a word for me?

I know some churches or ministries have words for the year. You can adopt this, but I believe you can receive a word from God that is tailored to you as well.

Colossians‬ ‭1:9‭-‬10‬ ‭CEV‬‬: We have not stopped praying for you since the first day we heard about you. In fact, we always pray that God will show you everything he wants you to do and that you may have all the wisdom and understanding his Spirit gives. [10] Then you will live a life that honors the Lord, and you will always please him by doing good deeds. You will come to know God even better.

I’d recommend reading up to verse 14 to be honest.

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭7:21‬ ‭AMPC‬‬: Not everyone who says to Me, Lord, Lord, will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father Who is in heaven.


It is very important to know what God is saying to you. How do you obey what you don’t know? What do you hold on to when times are super hard and discouraging and bleh?
A yoruba proverb says (I think 🤔) – Nkan tẹyẹ jẹ lẹyẹ n gbe fo. This means you are sustained by what you eat or what nurtures you. ‭‭In this context, what you know about God’s will for you and how you feed yourself spiritually is going to be important for your sustenance.

The journey of 2024 is far. You need something to hold you, to carry you through the year. This is not to say the year is going to be hard or impossible or to be a prophet of doom, but there will be moments that life seems to come at you fast, and you need an anchor.
Will your anchor hold in the storms of life? There is but one anchor that doesn’t shake, and that is God’s word.

Write the word(s) down. You might not be sure, but write down what you think God is saying. Ask him to confirm his word.

Sometimes, we weary ourselves doing things God hasn’t asked of us. We get discouraged, worn out, and give up. Having a chat with my bestie, I was reminded of how important it is to know the season of life you’re in. There are different times and seasons in life. ‭‭Ecclesiastes‬ ‭3:1‬ ‭AMPC‬‬: TO EVERYTHING there is a season, and a time for every matter or purpose under heaven.

Doing things out of season requires more effort and can be frustrating without much to show for it. Knowing what the season you’re in, you might better understand your circumstances and how God is working through them to achieve his purpose. You might be less inclined to fight certain things. You might be less inclined to compare yourself to other people and be more content with where you are in your journey.

In summary:
1) Ask God what season you’re in and what he’s doing in and through you.
2) Ask God for a word for you for this season, for directions, encouragement. Write it down.
3) If nothing else, a good thing this year would be to spend more time with God, whatever that looks like for you, and you’ll get to know him better (experentially).

P.S. Life seasons don’t often run in calendar cycles, but this is a new year, so a chance to remind us all 😉

Posted on by Sinmi 0

Who told you?


Who told you that you were naked?

That your nakedness was shameful

That your nakedness was exposure

That your nakedness was ugly

He saw you all along

And said that it was good

You were good

 

Who told you that your words are weak

And hold no power

That your words cannot move mountains

That your words cannot bring life

That your words cannot bring healing

He said you would say to this mountain, move and be cast into the sea

And it would

But only if you believe in your heart.

 

Who told you that you had to go this road alone

That no one can be trusted

That no one cares for you

That no one sees your struggles

He saw you under the fig tree

Before anyone saw or found you

 

Who told you that you are anything but beautiful

That you are unlovable

That you have to change to be acceptable

That you are not enough

Before he formed you, he knew you

He called you wonderful

 

Who told you that nothing good ever comes from Nazareth

That things would never change for you

That the light will always elude you

That the tears will last forever

He is here weeping with you

Wiping away your tears

Giving you hope that no one can take away

 

Who told you to hide your light

To run away from your calling

To bury your gift

The servant with the talent was dismissed

The whale gave Jonah up

Your light needs to go on a stand

For all to see

For his glory to be revealed

For his will to be done.

 

Whose report shall you believe

The life-giving one or the alternative

Choose life and live.

Choose life and live

Choose life and live

Choose life and live

Choose life and live!!!

Posted on by Sinmi 4

Parentish

Guys I’m here again with my head in my hands looking down in embarrassment. I’ve been AWOL again. Maybe I should change my blog name to AWOL Blogger. Anyway I’m not going to make promises I might not be able to keep so let’s get right in.

Growing up I had ideas about the kind of parent I’ll be, kind, easy-going etc. As time has gone on, those ideas have changed and been refined. I’ve realised that perhaps agreeing to everything your child wants is not the most important aspect of being a parent.
In more recent years, I’ve taken the stance that while I’ll be strict, I’ll be fair to my kids. I won’t shout, smack or be overly restrictive.

Then life happened 🤣🤣 My young cousins (one teen and one preteen) spent some time with us (my siblings) in our house and I had a small, very small taste of parenting. I slipped into some roles and behaviours that surprised me. Oh I shouted, got upset, etc. I didn’t smack though, that I can remember sha. But I thought to myself, “this is so hard”. These young people can literally get on your nerves even though you love them so much.

I had to think fast. My initial knee jerk reaction was not how I wanted to go on. I wanted to be more like the parent I’d envisioned being. Something had to change. I am something. Something is me 😯😲

A period of introspection was in order for me. I realised I had a lot to learn. Even though the context was different, I found myself making comparisons with my own upbringing. The differences were stark. The cultural context was almost entirely different. When I was growing up in Nigeria there was an inherent respect and fear built into us such that there were things we wouldn’t dream of doing as children. Like talking back or walking out when your parent or adult was speaking. Or even not responding when being spoken to. The balls I definitely didn’t have but even the liver was not up to the task.

Did I get frustrated with my parents and adults in general, of course. But I found ways to channel or resolve my frustrations without being rude. My parents were not shouty or prone to smacking to be honest. My mum was quite soft and expressed her displeasure in gentle ways. I respected my mum but was never scared she would hurt me. My dad would scold but also would not insult me or hurt me physically or verbally. If you ask me, I think I was a pretty good child but I know I must have been annoying and misbehaved sometimes and I think I have to applaud my parents for how they handled those (rare haha) occasions. I’m making these points because I know some of my friends and classmates did not have the same experience I had.

Bringing it back to me, having thought back to my experience of being parented and my ideas on how to be a good parent, I crystallised some ground rules and behaviours for myself going forward.
I decided that, as much as I could, I was not going shout. I would express why I wasn’t pleased and what made me upset and I’d give them a chance to fix things. If I felt myself getting riled up, I’ll leave the situation and come back later when I’ve simmered down.
I would apologise when I’ve overreacted or conducted myself in a manner which goes against my ethos.
Being gracious and knowing kids would do things wrong sometimes, I would try not to rehash their past sins and temper my current upset with a reminder of the fact that I also make mistakes.
When I feel I’m not being listened to, I give a few chances to remind them what they need to be doing and what the end goal is. If that yields no result, I would leave them to their devices with a reminder that actions have consequences, not in a threatening way but in a “this-is-how-the-world-works” way.

I’ve also bought some audio books on parenting and parenting teenagers specifically.
I have a lot to learn still and I’ll never know everything there is to know about parenting. While the world is constantly evolving, throwing out new challenges for parents, there are some things that will never change; perhaps new names and expressions of existing challenges.
It takes a village to raise a child.
It takes an intentional person who is willing to learn and forgive themselves where they make mistakes.
It takes the grace of God.

Big applause to all parents out there and to everyone who is parenting someone no matter how small you think your contribution is. You’ve got this! It’ll all be worth it in the end (hopefully).

Posted on by Sinmi 2

The “C” Word …

Hey guys 🙂

Thank you for all the lovely feedback and engagement from my last post. It meant a lot to me ♥️

Today is all about closure.

What is closure?
For me, having closure about something is being able to resolve that issue and move past it, having learnt what led to the outcome and perhaps how to mitigate that outcome in future. The Cambridge dictionary isn’t far off and defines closure as “the feeling or act of bringing an unpleasant situation, time, or experience to an end, so that you are able to start new activities”.

Many a times when there is a break down in a relationship, usually romantic, (but applies to all sorts of relationships,) people look for closure and some people would go to any length to get this closure. The ideal of having closure seems synonymous to healing; being able to move past the situation and progress onto other things.

A few months ago my relationship ended and I have had many internal conversations with myself regarding several aspects of my relationship and trying to understand why certain  things happened. Many times I have convinced myself that I need closure and that could only be gotten by having a discussion with my ex. However I’ve never really made it to that discussion… yet.

I have had discussions with friends (male and female) regarding this need for closure. The conversations have been different. My female friends are generally more encouraging to pursue closure if I feel that would help me understand things and perhaps be able to file my experiences away and move on.

My male friends were more likely to discourage me from actively seeking a discussion as a means of getting closure. They raised points such as the futility of this conversation in changing past occurrences and also whether it might be beneficial or detrimental to myself or my ex.

To be very honest I have struggled with the idea of needing closure. I thought it was an essential part of my healing/recovery journey. It’s important to note that I didn’t have a nasty break up. Things were very civil and cordial and if I’m very honest with myself, it wasn’t all that much of a shock. However I still felt there was something to be gained by having a conversation post-breakup.

I now wonder whether having closure is overrated and potentially more detrimental to one’s emotional wellbeing. Or is it more a case of how that closure is obtained? Does closure need to involve a discussion or debrief of sorts with the other involved party(ies)? Can I obtain closure by my own internal conversations and perhaps discussions with friends for a more objective assessment?
When is the best time to try to obtain closure?
Does it matter who does the breaking up? So for example if I broke up with my ex would I still have that need for closure or would I have had a good think about things before broaching the break-up discussion?

I think I am currently at the point where I do have closure. I have come about this process by doing a lot of introspection, pouring my heart out to God, talking to loved ones. Are there questions I probably would love answering? Yes. Are they make or break? No. Can I do without them? Definitely. I can genuinely say I am happy and content with where I am. Could that change at some point? Possibly but I don’t think I would be initiating a discussion with my ex. I think I’ve come this far and I am at peace so best to let sleeping dogs lie.

Sometimes when a relationship ends it can be very traumatic and people can feel broken and disillusioned. In that frame of mind, it can be difficult to see through the haze of pain and tears to try and unpack the events which have occurred. On the other hand, when the initial sting of the trauma is gone or ebbing, it might feel like a step backwards to start rehashing what went wrong and trying to make sense of things especially if things were ended in a bad way.

I say all this to ask what do you think closure is?
Do you think it’s overrated?
In your experience, have you found closure helpful following a relationship breakdown?

What are your thoughts?

Posted on by Sinmi 4