Tag: God

Destiny helper … What does it all mean?

Hey guys 🙂 How has the month of October treated you?

Today, I’m writing on the concept of destiny helpers. I will share what that means to me and I’d like to know what you think and whether you’ve personally had any experience of this. 

I have heard this term “destiny helper” used increasingly probably over the last 5 years. It has been around a lot longer of course. For me, I’d say over the last maybe 12 months or so, I have been more aware, open or more curious about this concept. 

Let’s start with what destiny is. For me, I would say destiny is the future that has been preset for you to live by God. Some would equate this with fate. I would say they are two different and cannot be used interchangeably. Destiny deals more with a future that is not assured but can be worked out whereas fate is predetermined  and nothing you do can interfere with the preset outcome. I’ll talk more on this later.

As per Merriam-Webster dictionary

What does the bible say about destiny?

Destiny is the divine purpose and plan God has for each person. God is very intentional. He does things for a reason. Everyone he creates, he has a plan for (Jeremiah 1:5). Some people say God has a plan which he creates a person for, meaning his plan precedes the creation of a person to meet that need and fulfil that plan. Within God’s plan, we have free will and he allows us to exercise it. At times we are clearly kicking against his plan such as with Jonah running away from Nineveh (Jonah 1:1-3) and Saul (Paul) being an enemy of the church (Acts 26:9-14). Other times in spite of the enormity of the call, we accept it such as Mary (Jesus’s mother) (Luke 1:27-38).

I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.

Jeremiah 1:5 NLT

God is sovereign and this is called providence. This means that your actions can be vetoed by God if they interfere with his principles or an overarching plan such as the tower of Babel situation (Genesis 11:1-9).

Regarding the difference between fate and destiny, my earlier sentiments are echoed online. Sources suggest that fate has a sense of being inevitable whereas destiny requires personal agency to fulfil it (please see references). 

For me, I don’t believe fate is something God generally endorses because he has given each person free will to choose whether to fulfil the destiny he has planned for them. However, some parts of the Bible make me question this. For example, Esau was rejected from the womb (Rom 9:13, Genesis 25:23) and so I wonder whether his mistakes were inevitable? How much agency did he have to change what had been spoken about him before his birth? I don’t want to get sidetracked so I’ll let you ponder on that and you can tell me what you think. If everything were down to fate, then we might as well quit while we’re ahead. Nothing is within our control and we just hope we have fallen on the right side of history.

There is a tension between fate and destiny even in the Christian faith. (The Christian faith is full of tensions.) This whole article could be about that but not the topic for today LOL! For example, it says in Eph 1:11 that we are predestined to be God’s children but it also states in Romans 10:14 that we have to go out so people can hear the gospel and fulfil that predestination of being God’s children. We also see people influence God to change their fate such as Jabez and Hezekiah. I believe destiny has a greater role in Christianity however God in his sovereignty can alter the predetermined fate of a thing. Also, it is worth noting that someone might be walking in a calling or gift they have but not be using it for the kingdom of God.

Back to the actual topic of today which is destiny helpers. 

The destiny we have from God is often bigger than we may have chosen for ourselves and might seem impossible, unachievable and this is where help comes in. We will always need people to support us to fulfil the destiny of God, not in a sense that they take over but they assist and help align things so we can achieve that which we should. As such a destiny helper is someone who has a pivotal role in helping you fulfil your destiny. They may be someone who upholds you in prayer, shows you favour or makes a connection that was beyond you. For a long time, I was suspicious of this concept or term. This might be due to my Christian upbringing in terms of the churches I attended and the circles I walked in. I think I also wondered whether it was more to do with superstition than “proper doctrine” things.

When I reflect on my life, I have definitely experienced favour. I have never doubted that but I didn’t associate it with any “concept”.

Over the last 12 months the term “destiny helper” has no longer made me uncomfortable. Before this time, I did not really know how to respond to prayers about destiny helpers. In the last few months, I have experienced huge favour. There was a programme I felt God was leading me to do and I was unsure because it was a huge commitment. Around the same my bosses recommended a different avenue to achieve a similar end to what I was originally going for. I contacted someone as part of preparing for the programme. The person was a bit sceptical but they went out of their way to find out about my programme and even though they were sceptical agreed to support me. I was flabbergasted. I said this can only be God. As I pondered on this experience, this was a destiny helper and it has taken me experiencing it in this way to understand. Some things in life are properly understood by experience and for me, this was one of them.

If you’d like to read more about destiny helpers, the last few links of my references has more information. I have not read them in their entirety so I cannot vouch for them as such but they can provide some insight into the concept.

So I am intrigued, what do you think about fate and destiny and how that all interacts with God’s sovereignty?

  • What do you think of my experience of a destiny helper?
  • Have had a similar experience of destiny help?
  • Are you perhaps unsure of this term or maybe even the concept?

Lord I thank you because you are a good God. You are intentional and you are full of love for me. Lord before I was born you had a plan in your mind for me to fulfil on earth. I thank you for entrusting me with your plan. I pray that you will give me increasing knowledge of your will and plans for me. I know the plans you have for me are beyond me and so I will need help accomplishing them. I thank you for the helpers you have already sent who have helped me in diverse ways. I ask that you bless them. Lord send me helpers and grant me the discernment to recognise the helpers you are sending my way. I receive my helpers in the name of Jesus. To you alone be the glory forever, amen.

References

Posted on by Sinmi 0

The P word: Perfection

Perfection. I’m not sure what emotions or thoughts you associate with that word. For me, it’s a double-edged sword. On one hand, I would love to be perfect. On the other hand, the thought of trying to be perfect fills me with dread because how could I possibly do that? And so there’s a tension between the desire to be perfect and the knowledge that it is pretty much impossible!

Today’s blog is inspired by some musings I had earlier this month, “Perfection is not the goal, obedience is. I don’t think God is looking for perfection but obedience borne out of faith and trust in him.” Since I first had the thoughts, I’ve done more reflection and modified things a little. I’ll share that at the end.

Enough about me, let’s look at what’s in the Bible. The Bible is split into two sections, the old testament and the new testament. Roughly, the old testament was written in Hebrew and the new testament was written in Greek.

The Hebrew word often translated as “perfect” is “tamim,”. This paints a picture of “completeness, integrity, and blamelessness”.

The New Testament, often uses the Greek word “teleios” which means “complete, mature, or perfect”.

There are some parallels between both words. In the Bible, being perfect means being complete, being mature.

I’ll share my thoughts.

Initially, my musings appear to be rapidly unravelling because of the verse in Matthew. One meaning of the perfect is “mature”. If we draw parallels to our human development,  we’ll know that maturity is not a one-moment event. We become increasingly mature in different areas of our lives. Maturity in one area of life does not automatically equate to maturity in other areas. For example, a person can be financially mature but not emotionally mature. To become mature takes a process of daily submitting to God. Every day, we want to be a little more like Jesus. There will be big moments and there will be more, small, seemingly inconsequential moments of obedience but they’re all important. Without a heart for obedience, (perfection) maturity in God will be a never-event.

When I think of the part of myself that wants to be perfect, I have to ask myself “what is driving that?” It would be easy to say it’s a desire to please God and be like him but if I’m honest with myself (and with you all), it’s more to do with me than it is to do with God. The desire to be perfect is a desire to be above reproach, above correction, to come into that state of perfection by myself. To be able to beat my chest and say “Look how perfect I am”. That does not sound even a little bit like God. That sounds more like pride to me.

Are you so foolish and senseless? Having begun [your new life by faith] with the Spirit, are you now being perfected and reaching spiritual maturity by the flesh [that is, by your own works and efforts to keep the Law]?

Galatians 3:3 AMP

If I ditch my desire to be perfect (for my own self-aggrandisement) for God’s desire for me to be perfect (mature), I find that His way is so much better. His way is a lot more gracious than mine is because He recognises that I will make many mistakes along the road to perfection.

When I consider the dread of being imperfect, where does that originate from? Is it from a faulty view of God, one in which the thought of Matt 5:48 (at face value) terrifies me and I wonder what happens if I’m not perfect. Does it stem from Deut 18:13 which commands me to be blameless? As long as blood courses through my veins, I stand the chance of getting things wrong. The only blameless person the Bible records is Jesus.

Because I have a high priest who did not sin but experienced the temptations I face and overcame them, I can come before his throne, knowing he empathises with my difficulties and provides a way for me to be renewed and restored.

Therefore let us [with privilege] approach the throne of grace [that is, the throne of God’s gracious favor] with confidence and without fear, so that we may receive mercy [for our failures] and find [His amazing] grace to help in time of need [an appropriate blessing, coming just at the right moment].

Hebrews 4:16 AMP

It’s easy to fall into the trap of comparison and measure your level of perfection in relation to your assessment of the perfection of others around you. This either ends in a misguided confidence in your status or self-condemnation.
A commentary on Gal 6:5 reads, “It will make him no better that there are others worse than himself.”

Where you are perfect in relation to other people is irrelevant because you’re not the judge of your perfection and neither are they. God judges your perfection level (not in a punitive way) against himself. So you and I have a lifetime to live up to that standard.

For every person will have to bear [with patience] his own burden [of faults and shortcomings for which he alone is responsible].

Galatians 6:5 AMP

So then, how do I tie this all together with my original musings. I believe perfection is the goal, but not perfection as I previously understood, being blameless. The perfection which means maturity and completeness is the goal. Obedience is the pathway to perfection. God is interested in both.

Lord Jesus, help me not to lean on my own strength or attempt to finish in the flesh that which you started in the spirit.
Lord, I want to obey you in the big things and the little, everyday moments, help me.
In the moments where I miss the mark, remind me that your grace is sufficient for me and your blood is always available to wash away my sins and grant me access to your throne.
Lord this life is one of progressively working towards maturity, help me not to give up halfway.
As you work within me, I know the good works that follow will be visible to all and bring glory to you.
In your name I have prayed, amen.

References

Posted on by Sinmi 2

Part Two

Hello lovelies 😊😊 I’m sorry my post is a day late 😔 I want to be a queen that’s on time.

A few months ago, someone asked me, “what do you think of when you think of godly friendship?”. The word that kept coming to me was “psychological safety”. Obviously, this is reductionist in the sense that a single word can not capture the full breadth of friendship, but for me, that was the word that stuck in my mind. Since then, I’ve been pondering psychological safety, and really, I think it’s a continuation of a thought process or discussion God has been having with me.

Psychological safety is a phrase commonly used in the business world and workplace to describe the feeling of being able to speak up without fear of criticism and exclusion. This concept also applies to relationships on all levels, but in those circles it’s often called emotional safety. Because the term psychological safety is what stuck in my mind, I’m using it for the purposes of this post.

The importance of safety in relationships cannot be overemphasised. Without safety, the relationship’s depth is stunted. My relationship with God, with myself, and with others, all require a measure of psychological safety. We all have an innate need for safety and security and we seek to meet that. Sometimes, we even go to extreme lengths to meet that need. Often times, we downplay the importance of this need or perhaps are oblivious to it and how it affects our relationships.

The bible repeatedly paints a picture of a God who is a safe space for us. For example,

Proverbs 18:10 AMP  “The name of the Lord is a strong tower; The righteous runs to it and is safe and set on high [far above evil].”

A major obstacle to building psychological safety is fear. Fear of rejection, of not measuring up, of not belonging, fear of punishment. At times, we might think this safety (from the verse above) only refers to safety from physical danger but physical danger is not the only form of danger out there, coming against us. The weapons vary and psychological danger is very much a weapon. Whether it is real (in an externally validated way) or it’s perceived (internally), it’s still real to the person experiencing it and requires a solution.

Until we attain a measure of psychological safety within our relationships, we will be stunted versions of ourselves.

We might be doing well, and people think we are absolutely smashing it, but in reality, that could be a fraction of what we have the potential for. We were called to live life abundantly. That’s what our saviour died for. He didn’t die for us to merely be “okay”. He doesn’t measure us up against the standards we set for ourselves but against the potential he has placed in us. The applause of man is not the applause of God. Yes, he is happy for every step you take and the progress you make but he yearns for you, for me, to truly see all that he has planned for us; to broaden our minds to match up with his vision for us.

Another command and encouragement we see repeated throughout the bible is “Do not fear”. Fear limits. It limits the attainment of our goals and limits the enjoyment of those goals, of life itself.

I believe love is the answer to psychological safety. Not the theoretical love we know but that which resides in our hearts and has trickled down into our unconscious world. The love that casts out fear, that pure love of God. When we truly know in our knower (a deep, intuitive gut sense) that we are loved, we know that we can be safe.

1 John 4:16 AMP: We have come to know [by personal observation and experience], and have believed [with deep, consistent faith] the love which God has for us. God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and God abides continually in him.

Let’s look together at 1 Corinthian 13.

“Love is patient and kind” – when we know and experience this love which doesn’t say “This is your third strike and you’re out”, it’s easier to own up to our faults and mistakes. It’s easier to bring things to the light, which we would rather remained hidden. When we know that we have a kind God, who doesn’t tut at us and treat us with disdain because of our flaws, we are more likely to let him in on all the things he already knew about us before the beginning of the world. It’s not that God doesn’t know these things, but he wants us to trust him with them.

“Love does not demand its own way” – the love of God compels us to obey his will. He does not demand it. He gives us a choice and advises us to choose obedience and choose life.

2 Corinthians 5:14a AMP “For the love of Christ controls and compels us”

“Love keeps no record of being wronged.” Our God doesn’t say “Wow again? I thought you said sorry for this yesterday and swore blind you’d never do it again”. When we repent, he is faithful to forgive us and cleanse us of unrighteousness. He remembers our sin no more. This is not a “get-out-of-jail card”.

Romans 6:1-2 AMP “What shall we say [to all this]? Should we continue in sin and practice sin as a habit so that [God’s gift of] grace may increase and overflow? Certainly not! How can we, the very ones who died to sin, continue to live in it any longer?”

We sin and fall short constantly, but (hopefully) not because we are unmindful or uncaring about his sacrifice for us. The more we experience his love, the less we want to hurt him by our actions and inactions. The more we experience his love, the more we seek to do his commands. Having a “free pass” mentality of God’s grace is evidence that his love has not been fully formed in us.

“Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance”. His love never gives up on us. When you know that you have a solid rock who is going nowhere, there’s safety in knowing you can keep coming back. He’s not going to lose faith. He hopes the best and believes the best about you. He endures through everything you put him through and still has his arm open wide to fetch you back to his side.

1 Corinthians 13:8b NLT But love will last forever!

Now this is obviously the love of God which we (should) all aspire to practise in our own lives. God’s love is the perfect template of love. He is love personified. Intellectual knowledge of God’s love, as majestic and marvellous as it is, does not guarantee me psychological safety. I have to experience it on a heart level.

Through his sacrificial love, Christ gave us the opportunity and privilege of belonging to his family as children of God. We have been adopted into the household of faith and we have a seat at the table. We are welcome into God’s presence to develop intimacy with him, father to child. In our father’s house, we will never be rejected or asked to leave. We can always be assured of our place and because of that, we have safety to be ourselves. We can come as we are, with our flaws and graces, knowing that he will lovingly transform us into the people he called us to be. His love accepts our present state but loves us too much to leave us as we are. He calls us to partner with him to fulfil our potential; without fear of failure, abandonment, or rejection.

Dear Lord, I thank you because the entrance of your word brings light and illuminates things that were previously hidden. Lord, there have been times I haven’t felt safe to express how I feel to myself, to others, and most importantly to you. I know that you won’t judge me, but a part of me still fears what your reaction might be to my flaws and the parts of me I don’t like. I know you love me deeply, and perfectly, and your love casts out fear. Lord, I ask that you fill me with a greater measure of your love, experientially, such that there is no space for fear to remain in me. I am very grateful that I’ve been adopted into your family, and that I belong here with you. Your love will never give up on me. Thank you, Lord. I love you, amen

Posted on by Sinmi 2

What’s love got to do with it …

Hello my lovelies 💓 💖

I hope May had been good to you and you’ve had some public holidays to rest up.

I’m doing a 3-part series on this blog over the next 3 months. It’s titled “What’s love got to do with it”. I hope you enjoy it.

Do we desire unconditional love?
Of course we do;
We were built to seek and receive love.
There is only One person who can love you unconditionally.
I hate to break it to you
But it ain’t your man or your woman,
It ain’t your mama or your pops,
It definitely ain’t your friend or your siblings.
Only God, the One who is Love personified can truly love you unconditionally!
Human beings may try to love you unconditionally,
But it is a process.

The people who love you are not being wicked by not loving you perfectly,
By being conditional in their love, consciously or unconsciously,
They most likely have good intentions.
The issue is that they are flawed;
Just like you are, just like I am
For all their good intentions, they will make mistakes.
So, when you expect standards only God can attain from people,
You can be sure you’ll be disappointed.
When that disappointment occurs repeatedly, it can lead to frustration
And with enough time that leads to anger.
Anger can express itself outwardly or inwardly and lead to separation.

1 Peter 4:8 says above all, most importantly, love each other deeply …
Above ALL
Above all the irritations
Above all the imperfections
Above all the repetitions of the same mistakes
Above all the pain they have caused you
Above all the disappointments

[A quick caveat here to say I am NOT talking about abusive relationships
Abuse is not compatible with life and I don’t just mean physical abuse
Abuse kills something in you, every time]
Above all, love each other deeply

… Because love covers a multitude of sins
Multitude is a whole lot
You can’t count it.
…. Of sins
That seventy times seven type of forgiveness
Is a requirement for this kind of love.
It is not easy,
Not by any stretch of the imagination.
It is very hard,
But we are called to love deeply,
To increase our capacity to love others.

Out of the overflow that we receive from the love that our Lord and our Father both lavish upon us,
We can love each other deeply.
Our love can increase in capacity such that it stretches to cover the multitude of sins.
To cover something, you have to acknowledge that it is there.
You can’t cover nothing.
You can’t ignore something on one hand and confront it on the other hand.
The love we are called to is not one that pretends.
You can only pretend for so long
And build resentment
Till an explosion happens.

Love confronts issues with grace and kindness
Love confronts issues, prepared to forgive, whether the person is sorry or not;
Whether the person recognises the error of their ways (as you perceive it) or not;
Whether the person has an appreciation for the hurt they caused or not;
Love confronts because the alternative is a gradual death of that love.
Issues that are not confronted become poison.
Some poisons don’t kill you immediately;
Ask people with asbestosis.
It causes damage slowly until one day you can’t breathe.

I’m not saying any of these things because I’ve mastered it. I’m also trying to live out this truth as I’m discovering it.

It is wise for us to realise on a mind-level but more importantly on a heart-level that while we can desire for people to love us, we are all on the journey of learning to love like God and often times we won’t get it right but we keep trying and growing closer to that day by day.

Lord I thank you because you model for us what love should look like. You loved us before we loved you or even acknowledged you. You desired that this love should be a mark of how people recognise us as your children, by how we love each other. Lord we do try to love each other but we don’t always get it right. We’re sorry for the times we’ve let our flaws and our pride get in the way. Please forgive us. We don’t want to keep going round in circles, making the same mistakes. Lord increase our capacity to receive your love. Let your love saturate our hearts. Out of the abundance of your love, help us to love each other deeply. Help us to forgive each other and let our love stretch enough to cover a multitude of sins and wrongdoings. Lord we desperately need your help, in your mercy will you come to our aid, in Jesus name, amen.

Posted on by Sinmi 2

Hope

Hello lovely people 😊

Hope you had a lovely Easter. As you probably know, in the Christian tradition, we’ve just celebrated Easter when we remember that Jesus died for us and God raised him to life again. The hope we have in Christ hinges on his resurrection. Last week, I was in church on Easter Sunday, and I felt God remind me to be hopeful. He said, “Never let anything prevent you from being hopeful.”

God’s message reminded me of the period late last year into early this year when I felt hopeless. I was very disappointed, and although I knew theoretically that things won’t always feel that way, that truth did not sink into my heart. For me, things felt very dark, and despair surrounded me like a fog.  The comforting words of loved ones were not getting through the thick fog of despair. At that point, I thought it was too painful to hope again, so I’d just live life not expecting anything because that felt safer; those were lies, though. Lies upon lies.

See the thing about despair and hopelessness is that it not only steals today’s joy but tomorrow’s as well. It relegates life to a mindless existence where you go through the motions. The life God designed was not meant to be that way.


2000 years ago, Good Friday was everything but good. I can imagine the disciples were terrified. Their master and rabbi has been cruified. They’ve seen him die. He was meant to be the saviour, but now there’s no hope. They could not remember all the things he had told them of his death and resurrection. All they saw was the reality that he had died a criminal’s death and their journey of 3 years had come to an abrupt end.

Thank God the story doesn’t end there! Jesus rose on the 3rd morning. Light shone in the darkness, and the darkness receeded. The miracle of Easter is an example of hope; that joy does come in the morning; that the darkness (of the tomb) is not the end of the story.

I’ll be the first to tell you that it’s hard to be hopeful when everything within you just wants to curl up and shut everything out. I don’t have a magic wand, but God’s mercy prevailed for me. People were praying for me, and God broke through to me and lifted the fog of despair. Even at my low points, I knew deep inside that the feelings of despair I felt would not have the last laugh. I knew the feelings were not true, but I was too emotionally exhausted to fight them. I chose to “ride it out”.

I have a few suggestions that can help in those moments and periods of despair and hopelessness.

  • Surround yourself with people who love you and can hold you up in prayer. Ideally tell at least one person how you feel
  • Journal if you can. No filters, just raw thoughts and emotions. Write to God
  • Don’t stop speaking to God. Be angry, be sad, be whatever, but tell him. He can take your emotions. You don’t need to filter anything for Him, he sees it all anyway
  • Read the psalms – you’ll find something there that reflects your state of mind. Derive comfort from knowing you’re not alone.
  • Listen to music that can soothe your soul

If you’re going through a rough patch, it might be hard to believe but this too shall pass.

My testimony is that I have hope now. I have faith that God’s plans for me will become a reality. I know and am reminded that whatever happens, I am the beloved of God 💕

Lord, we thank you because you are a God of mercy. We thank you for your mercies, which are new every day. Lord, we receive mercy for today. Let your love fill our hearts. Let us know in our hearts that we are your beloved and nothing will change that. Remind us, dear Holy Spirit, that the power that raised Christ from the dead can also bring life and light from every dark situation we’re experiencing. Reach through the fog of pain and despair and let us experience your embrace. Fill us with your hope for a better tomorrow. Fill us with hope that one day, joy will come in the morning. Thank you, Lord, for hearing and answering our prayers. Amen

Posted on by Sinmi 6

Defense mechanisms

Hello my loves

How has February been for you?

Disclaimer – This is quite a long post, so get strapped in. Get yourself a drink or snack. Yeah, treat yourself. You might need it as you read 😆

As you guessed, I want to talk on defense mechanisms today, but probably not in the way you think. Defense mechanisms are unconscious ways in which we protect ourselves from intense emotional stressors such as fear, distress, pain, etc. The stressor might be internal or external. They essentially aim to avoid unpleasant emotions, but they’re often problematic because they leave the actual issue unaddressed and unresolved.

Defense mechanisms affect all our relationships. In my training as a psychiatrist, I’ve learnt about defense mechanisms, but I’ve never thought of them in relation to my relationship with God. A few months ago, I stumbled on an article which was talking about attachment styles (maybe I’ll talk on that someday) and how that (can) relate(s) to our relationship with God and that really got me thinking. So when out of the blues I was thinking of defense mechanisms in relation to God, I was quite excited to think about it more and see what others think. There’s not a lot out there (that I’ve found) on defense mechanisms in relation to our relationship with God, so these are my fresh thoughts. They may be refined over time 😉

Defense mechanisms can be categorised into immature, neurotic (anxiety) and mature. There’s a fourth one that’s sometimes included called pathological or narcissistic (sometimes these are grouped with immature defenses). There are many defense mechanisms, but I won’t touch on all of them. I’ll take at least one from each category to illustrate my point.

Pathological defenses
Some examples are projection, denial, and splitting.
For example, splitting means having two extremes of opinion or feeling about something. For example, based on what’s happening in my life, I might think God is either good or bad. If I feel God is bad, I naturally withdraw from Him. Truth is, He is always good even when life is not good. He remains faithful when we are faithless. His mercies never cease. They are refreshed daily, whether it feels that way or not.

Immature defenses
Some examples are acting out, passive-aggression, and fantasising.
With passive aggression, there is a silent hostility where one is generally uncooperative. For example, I feel God hasn’t answered my prayer about something, so I won’t do what He asks me to do but might pretend I don’t understand the instruction. Do not be deceived. God is not mocked. He is compassionate towards us, but we have a God from whom we can not hide. Man looks at outward appearance, but God looks at the heart.

Neurotic defenses
Some examples are displacement, intellectualisation, and reaction formation.
Intellectualisation sounds like a good one, but it’s not all it’s cracked to be. This is one I’m guilty of. Lord, help me. Essentially, it’s creating distance from unpleasant emotions by hyperfocusing on facts. Instead of taking a painful experience to God, I fill the space with facts about God’s nature (e.g., his goodness) but not in a way that helps me actually engage with that nature.

Mature defenses
Some examples are suppression, humour, and sublimation.
With humour, you express difficult feelings in a light-hearted way. For example, God is taking me through a tough time, and I joke about how he’s trying to kill me (my flesh). Brother James must have known something about this from what he said in his book (James 1:2-4) 😆 but really, joy is not the same as humour.

So, tying it all together, I’m not saying this absolutely fits, but it can be helpful for us to use this to examine or reflect on some of our responses to God. If you notice similar responses to situations with people, then … you know, maybe you should spend some time thinking about it and taking it to God in prayer.

I would be interested in knowing what you think. I know this won’t appeal to some people at all, and that’s okay. We all approach things in different ways. Be blessed as I end with a prayer.

Lord, we thank you because you’re the omniscient God. You know everything about everything, Lord, and that blows my mind. I thank you that you see the maladaptive ways in which we deal with things and relationships and how that affects our relationship with you as well. Whatever we  choose to call it, these issues are present and prevent us from healing and experiencing full freedom and intimacy with you. Lord, we ask that you expose these areas in our lives and help us bring them to you so we can be freed from them and work through them together. Strengthen us, Lord, to face these parts of ourselves that we sometimes like to ignore (denial 😉) and help us to open ourselves to your work in us. Amen.

References
Images from @thebraincoach

Posted on by Sinmi 4

Chapter X

Hello, my lovelies 💓

How’s the new year going? It feels like I blinked, and January flew by. It’s been rapid.

As you gathered, I didn’t end 2024 on a high. I was conflicted on New Years Eve, and it wasn’t a nice feeling. As the days have gone by, things have gotten better.

Although I was upset with God, myself, and just lots of emotions and questions, I love the fact that I have a God who doesn’t shy away from our emotions and pain. He sits with us in our pain, and He longs to bring healing. He brings scripture, songs, and people our way to help us.

A few days ago,  I listened to a short clip which was talking about how the church and Christians deal with the issue of pain, in particular emotional pain, be it grief, loss, whatever form it takes. There appears to be a notion that we need to rush to leave that state. This is obviously a generalisation, but I think there’s some truth to it. We struggle to comfort people in pain, as though their discomfort further serves to discomfort us, so we seek to quickly see the end of it. We use some phrases (usually stock phrases) that dress it up as noble encouragement, but it leaves me wondering where the kindness and compassion are. Thankfully for me, God had in his mercy surrounded me with people who, for the most part, have been compassionate and haven’t put pressure on me to “snap out of it.” This is an aside, but I feel the need to encourage us as Christians to be more compassionate. You don’t need to have an answer for someone’s pain. Just let them know you’re thinking of them and that you care for them.

My main point today was to share something I was thinking about a few weeks ago. I was thinking about what remains constant through life’s changes and seasons. Of course, there are quite a few things, but chief of them is love, specifically the love of God. You see, all the time I was upset, one thing I never doubted was God’s love for me. I might not have felt it, emotionally, at the time, but there was an assurance that in spite of things, God loves me. I remember God saying to me that if I’m ever unsure of everything, and nothing feels real, I can always count on his love for me.

These words aren’t platitudes to make you feel better. They’re based on God’s word to us. You might not feel able to access or acknowledge love, but that doesn’t mean it’s not present.

Guys, life is hard. To deny that would be a lie. Some days, your pain or situation would cause you to question a lot of things you took for granted, but God is our present help in time of trouble. You might not feel a spooky presence with you, but you know he can be with you through the people he places around you, who hold your hand through hard times.

One of my aunties sent me some verses to encourage me (after a long period of her listening to me), and a lot of them blew my mind. This one (below), in particular, challenged me a lot. It really made me think and analyse my heart and mind posture.

There isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach to these things, so these are MY opinions, based on my experience.

In summary, I’ll leave you with these three things and end with a prayer.
1. Life gets hard sometimes, but God’s love will never let you go
2. People might try to rush you or even gaslight you, pay them no mind!
3. Take your time and while doing that, be honest with God about how you feel. Don’t say he knows. Telll him with your words; articulate how you feel
4. An extra for those at the back LOL, please let’s be kind to one another. Be compassionate.

Lord, we know that life sometimes hurts, and things don’t seem to make sense. We feel angry, lost, or disconnected from you, but it’s comforting to know that we are not alone in our feelings. David did a good job of capturing some of those emotions we feel, and yet he always came back up, somehow. This gives us hope that joy can come in the morning. We thank you for your love that can withstand any situation or power. We thank you for your love that never ends and never fails. We thank you because even when every structure crumbles around us, we can be sure that we are held by everlasting, all-powerful arms, and we can put our faith in you. Lord send us help from Zion. Place compassionate people around us and, more importantly, teach us to be the compassionate people we’d want to help us in our life’s struggles, amen.

NB – The hyperlinks (underlined words) contains the links to the full verses I’m referring to. Please click on them 🙏

Posted on by Sinmi 0

Prayers I’d like to share

Hello dear people ☺️

Sorry for the abrupt, unscheduled break in transmission. If you’re not new, then you’re probably not surprised as it’s not the first time   🤭  🫠 The last few months have been full of ups and downs, mainly ups to be fair. That’s quite typical of life, isn’t it?

Anyway, this post is going to be different, and I might bring a similar version back in the future. Over the last few weeks, I’ve written some prayers based on bible verses, which I’d like to share with you. First, I’d like to share a prayer that I’ve not written. I found it on a website I’d been using as part of my devotional. It resonated very strongly with me, and when I shared it on WhatsApp, it resonated with some others as well. I hope it blesses someone.

Now, for some of the prayers I’ve written, I know they won’t be for everyone. When I wrote them, I wrote them for myself, but if someone else finds it helpful, I’ll be even happier.

Isaiah 50 prayer
Thank you Lord that I am your disciple. Thank you for teaching me. I receive your teaching. Thank you for wakening me daily and wakening my ears. My ears are open to hear you. I will not be rebellious or turn back in disobedience. I receive your strength to obey fully. I am helped by you. I receive your help and empowerment. I recognise your help. I will not be ashamed. I will not be confounded or confused. I am determined to do your will as you reveal it to me, so I set my face like a flint. In Jesus’ name, I pray, amen

Psalm 95 prayer
Thank you for being my God. I am so blessed to be the sheep of your hand and to be among your pasture. As my shepherd, you lead me and instruct me on where to go. I thank you because I know your voice and I recognise it clearly as you speak. As you speak to me through this period, Lord help me to maintain a soft heart of flesh towards you. I rebuke, renounce, and refuse any trace of hardness of heart in me. I declare my heart is soft, good soil where your seed can be planted and bear good fruit. As you sweetened the waters at Meribah, please hasten to sweeten this situation also. I do not want to tempt you, grieve, or disgust you like my forebears (the israelites) did. I do not want to experience the work of your judgement. Please help me and be merciful towards me. Help me not to err in my heart, and as you search me, please expose every element of error so that I may repent, be forgiven, restored, and placed back on track. I do want to enter into your rest, and I want to experience and enjoy my promised land, the land of blessings you have prepared for me. I thank you for all these things I have received from you, my Lord, and my God. In Jesus’ name, I pray, amen


Psalm 55:22
Lord, I thank you for your welcome, your call to me to come with my burdens. You ask me to release the weight of it by giving it to you. You take the weight off me, and I feel so light and free. Thank you, Jesus. You promise to sustain me so I receive your sustenance. You keep me going, Lord, not scraping by but with an abundance of grace and strength. Because I’ve been made righteous by the blood of Christ, in your kindness and faithfulness, you won’t allow me to be moved. I will not stumble, slip, fall, or fail because I am backed by the Most High who doesn’t fail. In Jesus’ name, I pray, amen 🙏

Please let me know what you think of this kind of post.

Blessings
Sinmi

Posted on by Sinmi 4

Friendship with God: love and Obedience

Hello, my lovelies 😍

A few weeks ago, I heard a preach (sermon) at my church. It was on friendship with God. I thought I knew where it was headed, but something caught my attention.

The speaker was highlighting the importance of obedience in friendship with God, and that’s what this post is based on.

I was raised in church, and my dad is particularly big on obedience being very important, so I’ve had it drummed into me about obeying God. There are many Scriptures which back this up e.g. ‭1 Samuel 15:22.

As I’ve grown in church, there has also been this concept of friendship with God. I think because of the expression of church (charismatic) that I participate in and the part of the world that I’m in, I have internalised a specific idea of what friendship with God looks like.

When I think of what friendship is, I think of warm, fuzzy feelings, a best friend who I can tell all my secrets, who can support me when I’m weak and who can share my joys. I think of commitment. I think of someone on my level (so to speak) who I have banter with and can joke with, etc. I have us both on the same level essentially, even with older friends whose age difference and experience I respect.
When I apply some of these ideas to my friendship with God, they don’t translate perfectly. While God is closer than anyone can be and wants to know my deepest desires and have real intimacy with me, we are not on the same level. I can’t bring God down to my level. He is my friend, yes, but before he is my friend, he is God Almighty. My friendship with him should not bring irreverence. My friendship with God should not detract from the awe and fear that his presence commands. Familiarity should not blind me to the fullness of who God is.

I have never thought of obedience in the context of friendship. Because I’ve thought of being on the same level as my friends, I don’t see obedience as something integral to the relationship. However, with God, obedience is essential, regardless of what lens or perspective through which im viewing our relationship. I was ‭struck by the simplicity of John 14:15 in stating how interwoven love (read friendship) and obedience are.

I can’t claim to love God if I don’t obey his commands.

Command – This suggests that God’s words are not merely the suggestions of a friend that you can take or leave. They are not optional extras that have no bearing on the integrity of the relationship. Actions speak louder than words, and here, God is saying that if you truly love me and value our relationship, you’ll do what I say. When it’s easy, when you get it, when it seems unclear or even dangerous. If my love was measured by my obedience to God, how would I fare? Would I measure up? Am I doing the barest minmum? Am I just coasting along? Am I being intentional and seeking out what he says? Am I being faithful with what he’s told me to do?

[Disclaimer – there’s always more depth to be attained in my love for God, and I could never match his love. That’s not the intention. The idea is this, based on what I am capable of doing, how much am I doing?]

I need to re-examine my relationship through this lens and ensure that I am living a life of obedience to God.

Doing things for God (aka service or sacrifice) is great. It is encouraged. But doing what God has asked you to do (obedience) is a higher priority. If you obey, you will surely be sacrificing as well. A lot of what God asks us to do requires sacrifice, but the issue is that sometimes we want to choose what we should sacrifice instead of what he requires us to sacrifice.

If you would like to watch the sermon that inspired this post, click the link below 👇🏾

I’ll leave you with a beautiful hymn that I grew up listening to

Posted on by Sinmi 2