Hey fam bam 😊😊

It has been a minute and a half hahaha! I have been lazy and just absent. I am going to try to be more consistent. I’ve got an accountability buddy so here’s to hoping.

 I’m going to be writing about love. Love is one of the most used words in our culture today. We love that shoe, that dress, that show, and the list goes on. Needless to say, love means different things to different people and in different contexts too.

A popular school of thought is “love is a decision/ choice/ action”. That’s not wrong but I’ve recently experienced stirrings in my heart that I did not consciously choose which caused me to rethink my stance on that school of thought. I think it’s a valid point but I don’t think its captures the full scope of love but I suppose that’s a big ask. Perhaps no one school of thought can fully explain or describe what love is.

I’m going to be discussing love from the romantic angle. That’s my context. I think love is a journey. It unfolds in phases.

The first phase is the recognition that you’re feeling some type of way about someone. These feelings can creep up on you and you ask yourself when did I start feeling this way about person A. Why do I smile when I think of them? Why is it that I can’t wait to see them again? If you decide to explore or rather submit yourself to love, then things move into the next phase.

The honeymoon phase – during this phase your (official or unofficial) partner can do no wrong. The sun shines out of them. You just can’t get enough of them. Every minute without them is spent waiting for the next time you see them. I remember thinking I’ve just spent the whole day with this guy so why do I miss him already? 😢 😔 These feelings can be so strong that the ferocity of it can be surprising.

I thinks there’s another stage here. I don’t know what it’s called but it’s the “in between” stage when the dust is settling but you’re still quite excited by this person. 

Decision-making phase- the flames are no longer jumping to the sky and the fuel has settled. Now things are in a steady state. You still love this person and want to spend time with them  but it’s not all consuming. There’s a steady comfort in knowing this person is yours. Your own tribe and cheerleader. Your forever 💛…

It is at this stage that love becomes more than a feeling. It becomes a daily choice. You choose this person when they’re being annoying and when they being amazing. You choose them when its hard to forgive and when you’re full of warm, gooey feelings. You choose when you’ve had a hard day at work and when you’re on a baecation. You choose them when reality sets in and things can feel mundane. Sometimes when we’re at this stage, its easy to question whether you really love this person because your love has changed its expression, its form.

Embrace your love whatever stage it is at. Don’t get complacent. Be intentional about making things special, making them feel special, connecting deeply, having a laugh. Check in with your partner regularly – are they happy? Is there something they’d like to work on? Is there something they would like to see more or less of?

Love is a beautiful thing ❤ It changes you positively … if you let it.