Sexually inappropriate behaviours

Hey guys 👋🏽 Hope you’re doing well. Today’s topic is a bit heavy but it’s an important discussion that must be had. It’s complicated and has been the source of heartache and emotional turmoil for so many people 😢 💔

Needless to say, rape is a CRIME and there should NEVER be an excuse for it. Rape happens because of rapists. FULLSTOP! This article will be discussing sexually inappropriate behaviours with a focus on rape. [Sometimes in this article, rape may be used interchangeably with other forms of sexually inappropriate behaviours.]

Sexually inappropriate behaviours occur on a spectrum from inappropriate (or suggestive) words to penetration. In England, rape is legally defined as penile penetration of someone’s vagina, anus or mouth against their consent or when their ability to consent is in doubt. This definition automatically sees men as the perpetrators of rape and does not acknowledge the sexual violation some men have experienced at the hands of women. Perhaps this partially feeds into the difficulty in society acknowledging that female-on-male rape does occur.

Although all sexually inappropriate behaviours are very harmful, unfortunately most times we only recognise actual penetration as being harmful. It is important to point out that no one but the survivor knows the true extent and severity of damage that has been done.

NOBODY has a right to prescribe, predict or dictate how much damage and pain a survivor is “allowed” or meant to feel.

NOBODY should dictate how long the survivor can take to “recover” (heal) from this damage.

NOBODY should blame the victim because no one deserves to be sexually assaulted, NOBODY.

Anyone can be on the receiving end of these horrific events; babies, elderly people, men, women, heterosexual, homosexual, LGBTQ+, virgin, sex worker, anyone.

Although there are some trumped up charges of rape and sexual assault (which is despicable and criminal), cases of rape and other sexual offences are largely underreported for many reasons. Shame, fear, lack of knowledge, shock are the most common reasons. Sadly in many cases of rape and sexual violence, the perpetrator is known to the survivor prior to the act. Only 13% of perpetrators of sexual assault (against females) have been reported to be strangers [See ONS link below]. Sexual assault is 3 times more to be perpetrated by a (ex-)partner than a family member [ONS]. Over one in ten adults have been sexually assaulted; with indecent touching four times more common than rape [ONS].

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A rape/sexual assault allegation should NEVER be an act of revenge. Recently I heard of a case where to my surprise, people were sceptical of whether or not a person reporting sexual assault was being truthful. Most of the sceptical people had sons and were thinking about their own sons and the impact of a false allegation on them.

I was quite shocked by this. Imagine someone very distressed and distraught who summons the courage to seek help, only to be met with scepticism. We might not shout out our biases but they reveal themselves in the way we act, the questions we ask, the manner with which we treat people. THIS is the damage I’m referring to when I denounce the evil of false allegations of sexual assault. We are doing the real victims(survivors) a disservice.

False allegations do a whole world of damage to true victims (survivors), alleged perpetrators (their present and future, their family) and the societal outlook on rape. Why are some people so vindictive? I honestly do not know how some people sleep at night knowing they have falsely accused someone of rape. What’s worse is this recent spate of social media warriors who can with one tweet or thread ruin someone’s life. An apology or retraction of the allegation will NEVER be enough to atone for the grievances committed. I cannot police what people post on social media regarding trauma they’ve experienced but often times I think it does more harm than good because social media users can be ruthless with no concern for the mental health of the real human beings involved. Personally I’d advocate for other means of seeking justice to be explored before bringing the case before the judge and jury of Twitter Court. (This is only my opinion, you might not agree but I’m not saying this to hurt anyone. If this offends you, I’m sorry.)

Lastly, rape has been around since the beginning of time and unfortunately I think it will always be with us because where humans are, all sorts of errors and “badness” is bound to occur. Does this mean we give up and accept this curse? No! We sensitise people, educate people, punish and seek justice against perpetrators. Charity begins at home. Its easier to do a post and forget about it but we should try to talk discuss this with our parents, nieces and nephews, sons and daughters. Also, we need to support survivors and make the process of seeking medical and legal help easier. We improve our legislation to show that our public, social media outcry isn’t just a phase, a trend that is swiftly swept away. We learn from the pain of others. We do NOT justify or explain rape or any form of sexual abuse.
#saynotorape

Some articles or helplines
UK – https://www.victimsupport.org.uk/help-and-support/get-help
Domestic abuse – https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/How-can-we-support-you
https://www.thesurvivorstrust.org/
List of different helplines https://www.thesurvivorstrust.org/Pages/FAQs/Category/national-helplines
Nigeria – https://standtoendrape.org/

Contact Us

General info
http://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2003/42/part/1/crossheading/rape

https://www.met.police.uk/advice/advice-and-information/rsa/rape-and-sexual-assault/what-is-rape-and-sexual-assault/

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11572-018-9485-6

https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/crimeandjustice/articles/sexualoffencesinenglandandwales/yearendingmarch2017#how-prevalent-are-sexual-assaults

Posted on August 9, 2020 by Sinmi 2

George Floyd: our continued struggle with racism

Hello lovely people. I’ve got a serious topic to discuss today in light of the recent murder of George Floyd. This hit me on different levels and winded me. I couldn’t speak to people about it because it was too upsetting. I’ve finally been able to articulate my thoughts on racism in this article. I know you might not agree with what’s written but we’re not all clones so we ARE allowed to disagree. Still, I’d encourage you to read with an open mind.

It goes without saying that there are different types of discrimination based on skin colour, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, socioeconomic class and many other factors. These are ALL discrimination. However in many instances, (these days) those types of discrimination do not tend to make you fear for your life.

When someone wrongly dies at the hand of some police officials and there is an outcry that #blacklivesmatter, It is not the right time to “counter” that by saying #alllivesmatter. Yes, all lives matter, that is obvious. Yes, black people kill white people. Yes, black people kill other black people. Yes, white people kill other white people. That is not the point at the moment. No one is denying that these things happen. However, to diminish the scale of frustration and anguish of a group of people in a specific scenario with whatboutery because “everybody suffers” is a slap in the face and is insensitive.

It breaks my heart that we as human beings are still grappling (on such a large scale) with issues we should have resolved (at least partially) eons ago.

Nobody deserves to be treated or to die the way George Floyd did. NOBODY! Murder should not be the response to someone “resisting arrest”. Nobody deserves to be treated or to die the way George Floyd did. NOBODY! Murder should not be the response to someone “resisting arrest”. Yes, there are instances where the use of force is justifiable in discharging your duties as a police officer. Those applications of force should not be lethal when there is no objective evidence of threat to life. (This is where the other police officers on the scene are complicit. They did nothing to prevent this man’s death.) Perception of danger should not be correlated with skin colour. You’re not a “Karen”, you’re a police officer. You can’t (shouldn’t) convict (anyone, because you’re neither a judge nor jury) someone as guilty because of their skin colour. I don’t want to digress from my main points so I’ll leave this here. I am talking about what’s happened with George.

The Police who are meant to protect should not be kneeling on someone’s neck to the extent that they die. People cannot fake not having a pulse, at least not to my knowledge. If someone does not have a pulse (aka they are DEAD) and that is not “enough” reason to stop the brutality then I honestly don’t know what will ever be enough. If many people cannot understand that this constitutes an abuse of power and authority then I’d put it to you that we have a LONG way to go.

I understand why people get upset and frustrated with these events when they occur. It’s disheartening especially when you have black children because you wonder if (when) they might experience such brutality.

Some people (whoever they are, they know themselves) are using this frustration and the current emotional climate for their own selfish gain. I do not see how looting somebody’s business helps us to put across the point that police brutality must end. Destroying property and hurting one another is not going to being George or Breonna back. It’s not going to get them justice. We need to think about how we can effectively make our point known such as peaceful protests, petitions, not being silent or complicit when these racist experiences are being perpetrated on a lower, more everyday level. The absence or presence of a social media hashtag or picture is not enough! After posting something online how do you then treat the people you come across?

Some people might consider this next point controversial but 🤷🏾‍♀‍ It is wrong to paint a whole group of people with the same brush because of the actions of a specific subset of bad people within that group. The badly behaved people in a community do not represent the whole community. As such when a black person does something whether good or bad, it speaks to that individual and not to the whole black community. By the same token, when a white police official does something bad, that means they are a bad person. I know they are enabled by flaws in the system that help them get away with these evil acts which makes the enablers and the actual perpetrators complicit in these despicable actions. However, I still believe that does (should) not mean that all white police officials (or people) are bad people. We should be able to condemn the actions of a select few bad eggs and the rotten parts of the crate without throwing the whole crate of eggs away.

Above all, be kind to all. Treat others how you would want to be treated.
If you’re wondering what you could do to make a difference, here are a few examples:

– Educate yourself regarding the history of racial tensions in the western world. Everyone (black and white) needs to educate themselves

– Personal reflection to examine your feelings and fears and how you can practise what you preach

– Get involved in your local community e.g. (enquire about) joining your school, hospital patient focus groups, community clubs

– Write your local MP about some of the problems you’ve noticed and potential solutions

– Sign petitions

https://www.whatsonstage.com/london-theatre/news/black-lives-matter-petitions-resources-more_51727.html

http://chng.it/6f95mydxY7

http://chng.it/MkWQTKJZ98

http://chng.it/5w4ZPtnLDQ

– Be kind in thought, word and action

Posted on June 30, 2020July 1, 2020 by Sinmi 0

My tribute to a Hero: My Grandmother – Edith Bolupe Aiyelaagbe

My grandmother, my last grandparent, died two weeks after celebrating her 97th birthday. I’d always imagined than when she died, all of her grandchildren, maybe great grandchildren and family would be there to celebrate her amazing life. However, due to the travel restrictions currently in place, we can’t be physically there to send her forth. Notwithstanding, we will celebrate her life now and when we are able to, we will celebrate again!

I have written a tribute to my grandmother which I want to share with you all.

My grandmother, a gem of inestimable value, a hero, I stan!

My grandmother was a strong woman in every sense of the word. I’ll talk about her spirituality first because that’s where her strength came from. Grandma loved God and was a good Christian. She was always praying for her loved ones and for this world. She would never end an encounter without a shower of blessings and prayers on me. She loved going to church and worshipping. Even when she wasn’t very strong physically, singing a hymn or worship song called forth strength from her reserves and you’ll find her dancing to her God, the Lover of her soul. Even when she could not physically attend church I remember she’d give my mum her offering money to present on her behalf. That’s how much she loved God. There was never a case of “out of sight, out of mind”. This was her greatest legacy, her love for God that has passed down the generations.

Grandma was a woman of principles and order. She believed things should be done the right way. She was honest and did not believe in cutting corners. Everything she taught me to do had an SOP, yes even making pancakes or semolina. She would measure everything out. She was meticulous.
Grandma believed in education, no matter what form and she took an active role in education. She believed everyone deserves the best standard of education available and did her best to offer her best. I remember her lesson classes for the neighbourhood children in her basement. She was an educator at heart and not only taught arithmetic but also life lessons, morals.

Grandma was hardworking. She was a “go hard or go home” kind of woman… and when I say home, I don’t mean her home. She had no patience for laziness. You couldn’t get away with doing a shabby job for her, she’d find you out. She believed in giving your 100% to everything you did. She led by example in her own life. She gave her all to everything she set her mind to.
Grandma was generous. She always gave to people but she was also financially savvy. She would always ask us what we want and even when we did not ask for anything, we knew we’d get something from her. Her chinchin packages have become legendary amongst our family friends because her generosity extended to them. She was a giver through and through. She gave her money, time and wisdom.

Grandma was loving. She had a large heart and could fit everyone in. She loved fiercely. Oh yes she dished out tough love but that was for our good. She hardly said the words “I love you” but her actions echoed her love.
Grandma was talented. She was a true creative at heart. I wish I’d sat down with her to write down some of her recipes. She could cook up a storm and her repertoire was out of this world. Her alapa was amazing. She could make all sorts of pastries and dishes. She had green hands and was always planting or tending plants. Even in her 80’s I remember her going to water her pawpaw plants. She’d always get my dad to examine her plants when they weren’t doing well and suggest solutions. She had a good sense of humour. I think I get my creative side from her.
There are experiences that grandma and I share. Things that only grandma taught or showed me. Grandma taught me to use the grinding stone (olo) to make small sauce. I remember the frustration of grinding tomatoes on that olo but we did it. I remember fetching water from her konga (well), the earliest time I used or saw a well LOL! She didn’t like us fetching the water from the well ourselves (because we were still young) but one day I did and I think I dropped the doro (water receptacle) in the well!

Grandma taught me to use her Singer sewing machine. Together we made a miniature dress. I always planned to sew an actual outfit with her but never got round to it. Grandma was the only one I wrote to in Yoruba, not because she could not speak English but because it was our thing. It helped me practice my written Yoruba. I looked forward to getting your letters, seeing the curvy, sloping strokes of your writing.
Grandma there is so much you taught me and showed me, so much that I can’t write. I am glad and proud to have had you as my grandma. You will forever be in my heart. I love you dearly.
Your Amopeola

Glossary
SOP – standard operating procedure

Alapa – a local dish made from melon seeds, in the form of a triangular pyramid. Basically moinmoin but made with melon instead of beans

Olo – a slab of stone (?granite) used to puree/grind foods.

Grinding stone

Konga – a well of water, dug deep into the ground

Doro – a water receptacle, usually made of rubber, tied to a rope and used to fetch water from a well.

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Posted on May 28, 2020May 14, 2020 by Sinmi 2

Depression

Hello there guys! I can’t believe we’ll soon be coming to the end of April. Where has the time gone?! I can appreciate that these days, for some people, time could not move quickly enough.

I meant to put out this post in March but the corona virus was becoming a serious reality globally and I did not want to put a downer on everyone. At the time, I was concerned that a post on depression might not be what people need. However, in retrospect, especially given how events have unfolded, I think we need articles like this now, more than ever. Most of us have never experienced anything with such huge implications, financially, socially and physically, not only for us but all around the world. It is natural to be sad about the upheaval it has caused to our lives, our livelihoods and for some people, grief over loved ones who have died. It is understandable that we may feel hopeless, unable to predict when this will come an end and indeed what the consequences will be.

My goal here is to provide some information on depression. Obviously, every single detail cannot be covered but I will try to provide an overview and provide some links to some websites which you can visit for more information if you want.

Disclaimer: I am NOT a psychiatrist. The information I am providing is based on my (limited) knowledge and experience. This is not a substitute for seeing a doctor if you are experiencing symptoms of depression.

It goes without saying that everybody gets sad at some point in their life. Sometimes, that can be caused by a terrible life event like losing your job, someone you love dies or a relationship ends. There are so many things that can trigger a feeling of sadness and to some degree that is part of life. However, with depression, (and with mental health in general,) what is more important is the impact that it’s having on you and how often you have these experiences. In the next paragraph I will attempt to define depression. However, it is worth noting that there isn’t a definition as such, rather there is diagnostic criteria by DSM V* or ICD-10**.

Depression is a state of persistent low mood and loss of pleasure or interest in most activities and/or low energy levels which can be accompanied by a variety of other symptoms. The symptoms should be experienced for most of the day, for most days of the week for at least two weeks to be diagnosed as depression.

I’ll classify the symptoms into emotions, thoughts, behaviours and physical symptoms. Some common emotional symptoms are feeling low, sad, angry, guilty, overwhelmed, flat, hopeless and worthless. Common thoughts are thoughts of death, thoughts to end one’s life or harm oneself, thoughts of guilt, etc. These might be manifested behaviourally by stopping hobbies or previously enjoyed activities, isolating oneself, increased intake (or dependence) on alcohol, illicit drugs, poor concentration and motivation, etc. Physical symptoms include poor energy levels, poor (or too much) sleep, poor (or increased) appetite, weight loss (or gain), constipation, lethargy.

It’s interesting to know that depression is the most common psychiatric disorder and globally the WHO ranks it as the leading cause of disability. It’s also worth noting that a lot of patients who have chronic conditions such as hypertension, diabetes, heart problems, also tend to have depression as a secondary diagnosis partly because of the stress and all the emotions that come with dealing with a chronic condition. Being female is a risk factor for depression. This means it is more common in women but has no bearing on the resilience or strength of women or indeed people who struggle with their mental health.

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There are many theories on why people become depressed (this reminds me of my A Level Psychology days, fun times!). The biological theory examines how our genes, the chemicals in our body as well our brain structure and function might cause someone to have depression. The behavioural theory suggests that depression occurs as a result of a person’s interaction with their environment. For example, negative reinforcement associated with certain behaviours or the removal of positive reinforcement of behaviour such as the satisfaction of working when someone loses their job might lead to depression.

The cognitive approach looks at how people’s thoughts, feeling and behaviours interact. Thus suggests that depression occurs when people have negative thoughts, a problem with how they process information and negative self-beliefs. In reality, the cause of depression (as with many things) is multifactorial. It is not just one isolated cause, they all play a role to some degree and that degree may vary for reach person.

Now that we know what depression is, its symptoms and why people might develop it, you might be wondering what can be done about it. Well, there’s loads that can be done. I think the first thing to remember is that you’re not alone. There are many people across the world, in your local area, in your church, school, office who have depression (whether diagnosed or not). Just because we cannot measure depression in an objective, linear method like a temperature reading does not mean it is not important or that it is made up. Before being diagnosed with depression it is important to ensure there is no physical health condition that is causing the symptoms one may have by carrying out investigations as required. For example, people with low levels of thyroid hormone (hypothyroidism) may have symptoms similar to depression. In such cases, it is important to treat these conditions first and then reevaluate things.

There are two main types of treatment for mental health conditions: talking therapies and medication.

Talking therapies are the first-line treatment option for depression. This involves talking to a therapist individually or in a group about your experiences and learning skills to cope and manage the symptoms you experience. This can be done face-to-face or virtually. Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) explores your thoughts and feelings and how they manifest through your behaviour. Psychodynamic therapy explores how your subconscious impacts on your experiences. This might include talking about your formative years, your past experiences and your views of yourself. Therapy is not the “simple” option. It can be very tasking mentally and may dredge up many unpleasant memories. As such it is important to be mentally prepared and have a good social support system.

Medication (pharmacotherapy) is other main treatment option. The medications used are antidepressants. There are many drug classes and they work in slightly different ways to balance the chemicals in the brain. They may be used alone or with talking therapies. They are not a magic bullet that works straightaway. They can take up to two to four weeks for people to experience a benefit and sometimes you feel worse before you feel better. You might have a good effect with the first one you try but sometimes people have to try different medications to find one that works best for them.

I know this is a lot of information to take in all at once but there you have it. You can send me a message about any questions you have. I can’t promise I’ll be able to answer them all, but I’ll try to point you in the right direction if I can’t. At some point in the near future, I’ll write a post about a personal experience.

I will leave you with a reminder that healing is not always linear. For example, just because you have had a sore throat which healed does not mean you will not have it ever again. It’s similar with mental health. It’s a journey but there is hope because it gets better. I have had consultations with a few patients where we agreed to stop their antidepressants because they were feeling much better. There is hope!

positive-inspirational-quotes (2)3408555495827792668..jpg

*DSM V – Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM–5) – an American diagnostic guide (of sorts) for mental health conditions.

**ICD-10 – 10th revision of the International Statistical Classification of Diseases and Related Health Problems (ICD), a medical classification list by the World Health Organization (WHO). It’s a diagnostic guide for physical and mental health conditions.

Helpful websites for you

Mood assessment – https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/mood-self-assessment/

Support + Information + apps – https://www.nhs.uk/oneyou/every-mind-matters/

General Information – https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/clinical-depression/

General Information – https://www.uptodate.com/contents/depression-the-basics

Resources I used

https://patient.info/doctor/depression-pro

What is Depression?

https://depression.curing.center/tag/symptoms-of-depression/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2748674/

https://www.simplypsychology.org/depression.html

https://adaa.org/resources-professionals/practice-guidelines-mdd

Posted on April 14, 2020April 27, 2020 by Sinmi 0

Reveal-ution

Hello, hello. Happy St. Valentine’s Day to you all. I hope you are having a lovely day. I’m not going to put out a sappy, sweet message today. If you’re single like myself, please try not to be miserable. Treat yourself. Have a nice time with a friend or phone a friend you’ve not spoken to in a while.

Anyway today’s post is going to be me having a good old winge 🤣🤣 about guys! The post is about is a method of identifying guys who are not available. Let me paint you a picture based on one of my experiences.

One day I was minding my business in church when someone caught my eye, a tall and handsome guy. I thought he looked a bit of alright. He looked like a nice person but I didn’t know anything about him. I didn’t even know his name! I kept seeing him in church, kept smiling internally. It wasn’t a full blown crush just a “hmm wont this be nice?”. Anyway being the shy, conservative gal that I am, I could (would) not bring myself to “enquire” about him or even chat him up directly. I just thought if I ask anyone about him they’d think “why’s she asking about him”.

Randomly one day I happened to sit next to him in church. We spoke a little and he seemed really nice up close. I managed to get his name, clever girl that I am 🤣 At least now I knew one thing about him! I wanted to find out more about him; my main question being is he single? I knew there was no point in me “catching feelings” or fancying somebody or even something as benign as somebody catching my eye if he’s taken. However, I never really got the courage to actively find out more about him, I was just hoping somehow our paths will cross again.

Anyway I was randomly chatting to a friend in church and it just kind of came out mid conversation that this my crush guy is getting married! What a wow! Not even like he had a girlfriend he is full on getting married! Of course I am happy for him but wawu! I’ve just wasted my “fancy” capacity on somebody who is not even available to be fancied (not that anyone sent me on this wild goose chase … still …).

I think that each party (boys and gals) deserve to know when when the other is unavailable. Now take girls for example, if a girl is a serious relationship is sometimes engaged and thus wears a ring. That’s a great big sign for the whole world to say she is off the market things. However for guys, there is no equivalent and that, my friends, is my bone of contention. A guy could be mere days to his wedding and a poor girl might see him, fancies him and starts developing feelings for him and she’s none the wiser. That guy gets married, has his happy little celebration and this little girl is still none the wiser until she sees his wedding band.

I think us girls need to rise up and protest this! There needs to be a revolution and its start now.

Ok, so that is my rant over phew 😢🤤 So then what should be the universal (not too much to ask right 🤣🤣) that people should give each other. It needs to be a symbol or something that indicates that the person in question is off the market (at least at that point in time).
Some people might say that’s us younguns being extra. I mean you could always talk to the person or rely on the guy talking to people about his girlfriend/fiance (and vice versa).

So this is a challenge for the girls and guys out there if you’re engaged to somebody please make it known get a tattoo on your forehead.

Please drop your suggestions the comment section. Has anyone ever had this experience or is it just me? 🤔🤦🏽‍♀️ Please share in the comment section 😍
Thank you and God bless.

Posted on February 14, 2020February 14, 2020 by Sinmi 9

New year, new …

Hello hello, hello.

Happy New Year! It’s not too late is it 🤦🏽‍♀️

I hope you’re settling in the new year very well … and remembering to write the right date 😂😂 I remember my first few days back at work after the holidays, I lost track of what day I was on. The holidays completely scrambled my sense of time and I really didn’t want to go back to work but needs must! 🤷🏾‍♀️

The New Year buzz and excitement is starting to ebb and soon (unfortunately), a lot of new resolutions are going to start falling by the way side, long forgotten by the time we get to January 31st! Still can’t believe that’s tomorrow!

I’m not really one for new year resolutions as such. However I do like to make a list of things I’d like to achieve in the year because to fail to plan is to plan to fail. I’d love to say my goals are SMART goals and they’re all mapped out really clearly … but that would be a lie 😂😂 That’s definitely something I can improve on… having SMART goals.

I’d like to share my thoughts on planning for this new year.

1. Set yourself some goals. They don’t have to be formal goals or written in a formal sense. Just think about where you want to be at the end of the year. How do you want to improve on yourself? Think about different domains of your life e.g. spirituality, relationship with others, relationship with yourself, finances, etc.

2. Document these goals. Put pen to paper … fingers to screen/keyboard… it doesn’t matter but make sure you make a note of your goals. The faintest pen(cil) is better than the best memory.

3. Find a balance between being realistic and challenging yourself. This is easier said than done. However it is important to consider. You don’t want to set such unrealistic, nigh-on-impossible to achieve goals that you get to the end of the year and all you’ve got is a heart full of regret and a gaggle of half-baked, abandoned projects. Be ambitious but don’t set yourself up for failure.

4. Share your goals with people who love you and have your best interest at heart. This does not necessarily translate to sharing all your dreams with one person. It might be that you share different goals with different people who can encourage you, hold you accountable and share that journey with you.

5. Have fun! Try something new whether that’s a new dish, new artist, new genre, activity, whatever. Life might you down sometimes but determine within yourself that as much as lies within your power, misery will not be your companion this year! I reject it for you! Goodness and mercy will run after you every day.

So that’s it from me as an introduction (albeit belated) to the new year and decade.

As a reminder of what to expect from the blog. There will be monthly posts every last Thursday of the month. Some months I might decide add on a special so watch this space!

Also I plan to have more posts on mental health topics this year. If there is any particular ones you’d like some information on, please post a comment or send me a message.

I hope you have a beautiful, fulfilling year and decade. May you enjoy good health and peace this year. I hope we have an amazing time together this year 😊😊

Posted on January 30, 2020January 30, 2020 by Sinmi

A Tale of 4 Kings – Part 4

Hey guys 😊 Apologies for the lateness of this post; some unforeseen circumstances came up 😐 I can’t believe we’ve come to the last part of this series 😯 I hope you have enjoyed the series. If you’ve missed any of the posts, please have a read on the blog to catch up.

I’ll include a quick family tree/timeline of the kings and then we’ll get right into today’s post! Today’s post is another long one ~~because we’ve got to finish with a bang!!~~ 😂😂 no really because there is so much going on. So, get yourself a drink **insert nice treat**

Josiah (2 Chronicles 34 – 35; 2 Kings 22 – 23:30)

Enthroned – 8 years old
Tenure – 31 years
Death – Died in battle

Josiah was only young when he started reigning (probably due to the untimely death of his father). Interestingly, he is deemed one of the best kings of Judah and he followed in the footsteps of his great-grandfather. He walked in the ways of David his father (ancestor going way back). This comparison to David is quite high praise because David is THE known king of Israel.

Interestingly, a prophet had prophesied about Josiah about 300 year before his birth (1 Kings 13 vs 1 – 3). He was mentioned by name as the one who would essentially bring about spiritual reform. This begs the question of how much the prophecy influenced the Josiah we see in the bible and how much of it was his own heart? We’ve spoken about this concept in one of the other posts – destiny vs choice.

When he was 16 years old, after reigning for 8 years, he started seeking God. In the same year his first son (Shallum a.k.a Jehoahaz) was born. I’m unsure whether these two incidents are linked. Four years later he started a religious detox of Judah. He got rid of the idols, altars, everything that signified idolatry. He had these things ground to powder such that they could not be easily recovered and scattered the powder. He was very serious about this and did a thorough job which took years, seven whole years trying to undo a lot of the damage and infrastructural malpractice of religion in Judah and Israel. He actually left Jerusalem and went to Israel to make changes there as well. In many ways, the state of affairs in Israel was more dire. They had more bad kings than good, hence the punishment of God came down hard on them much earlier than Judah. He was not concerned only for his “little” corner of the world but sought to bring God’s truth to his sister nation (Israel).

When he was 26 years old, he instructed top government officials to repair the temple. After wrecking several parts of the temple, coupled with general disrepair from poor use over time, the temple was probably in a bad state. During this repair process, some of the priests found the Book of the Law which was like their code of conduct as a nation, but so much more. It signified the connection they had to God. I find it interesting that by the time the Book of the law was found, he had already done so much with and for God. Makes one wonder what resources he was using prior to the discovery or whether he was using any literature resources or relying on the human, anecdotal, oral narration of the priests or whoever.

Anyway, when the Book was found, he was very sad and tore his clothes which was quite commonly used to express distress and grief in those days. His heart sank when he saw how far from God’s standard the people had been. Although he had already done a lot to rectify the situation and bring the people to God, he was still saddened that there were things yet to be done. He was not complacent. He did not think –

“Oh well I’ve already done my bit. We’ve got rid of the idols. This bit is just the cherry on top”.

He took the things of God very seriously.

He asked the officials and the priest to find out what God’s thoughts are concerning Judah and Israel, considering the fact they strayed far off the path he had set them on. These men went to see a prophetess (Huldah) to get her opinion. She explained that God was indeed upset with Judah and would bring his judgement upon them. However, due to Josiah’s repentant heart and desire to please God, the disaster to come will not start in his days.

Going off on a tangent slightly but we need to talk about Lady Huldah! Huldah was clearly revered as a prophetess and her ‘office’ was significant enough for these top officials to consult her. She’s a woman who otherwise is not mentioned in the Bible but what powerful representation of all that women did even back then and what we do today, everyday! Jeremiah started his ministry (service) as a prophet 5 years before this call to repentance. It is interesting that they did not go to Jeremiah. Was he possibly viewed as “up and coming” prophet? I don’t know but I am super stoked that they went to Huldah.

Following this he called all the people of Judah and read the words of the Book to them. He made a covenant (promise) and the people along with him, to keep the perform the words of the Book of law. Throughout his lifetime, the people did not turn from doing what was right before God. This shows the influence that a good, strong leader can have on their people.

Josiah instigated the celebration of the Passover which presumably had not been done since his great-grandfather celebrated it many years prior. Like Hezekiah, he united Judah and Israel in the celebration. He followed the guidelines for Passover to the letter and Bible records it was one of the best Passovers ever. There had been no Passover like it since the days of Samuel the prophet (about 600 years prior 😮😮 )! What a man!

Josiah was phenomenal as a king. He cleansed the nations of Judah and Israel; repaired the temple and celebrated one of the most memorable Passovers in the Bible. He was one of the greatest kings of Judah however he died relatively young. There is some suggestion (2 Chronicle 35 vs 20 – 27) that his death was untimely. He went to fight with the Pharaoh of Egypt and was rebuffed. This pharaoh had been sent on a mission by God (I know right?! He can use anyone!!) but Josiah was interfering in the execution of this plan. Pharaoh Neco told him to return home but he did not and sustained mortal injuries in the war. He subsequently died in Jerusalem.

One question I had whilst reading this passage is (I’m afraid ~~(or not)~~ that I don’t have the answer, just more questions for you to ponder):

Who took care of or advised him in those early days?

He certainly had no shining example from his dad. He would have been very little (6 years old) when his grandfather died. Was he aware of him turning to God? Was he perhaps influenced by his grandfather? Did he draw parallels between the life his father lived and the death his grandfather died and choose the former? Some scholars have suggested that he must have had a devout mother who influenced him to be a good, godly king. While that is a nice sentiment (go mama 💁‍♀️💪🏼), this is speculation as there is no evidence to support this (none that I have found)!

Right! Take a big sigh. We’re almost there! I did warn you ha-ha. If I’ve not lost you already, then well done and keep going 😊

Learning points

Circumstances do not have to determine character. Regardless of what circumstances we face, we can decide to do the right thing. This is not a guarantee of an easy life. I can’t imagine that such a young king as Josiah was would have found it easy to completely change the religious and moral code of a nation. However, he went on to do it, taking all the time he needed to do a good job.
Don’t be in too much of a hurry. Sometimes we like things to go quickly, tick a box and move to the next exercise. However, that sometimes impacts negatively on the quality of said exercise. Allow things to take as long as they take. This is not excusing laziness (I’m about to fall off this table!!) or being sloppy. It’s highlighting the fact that some things do take time and when they are rushed, things might go wrong later on.
Say no to complacency. Josiah was anything but complacent. He took the things of God seriously and was always ready to do the next thing that needed doing. Whenever he developed more insight, he put it to action. He did not rest on his oars and ‘leave things for the next generation’ to do.
Be proactive – when he had insight, he did not pontificate about the Book of the law. He received insight, had Eureka moments and followed up with actions.

Last but definitely not least! YOU can make a difference. You can BE the difference. Things do not have to continue the way they’ve always been, especially when they’ve been wrong. Even if the task seems mammoth and daunting, break it down into little achievable chunks and get to doing! You might not be able to achieve everything you set out to do but at least you make a dent in it. You start something and change the narrative. You never know who might be inspired to pick the baton and continue where you stopped! Much later, after being exiled, some Israelities returned to their native land with Ezra. Ezra in Josiah-esque style read the Book of the Law to the people, reinforcing the importance and intrinsic nature of the word of God to his people.

You made it! I am sending virtual hugs.

Thank you for being a part of this series. I have enjoyed sharing my musings with you and I hope it has caused you to think or raised questions in your mind.

I have enjoyed writing this series and hopefully there will be more to come in future 🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️

It’s never too late to share with someone, like or (re)read the series!

Posted on December 11, 2019December 11, 2019 by Sinmi 0

A Tale of 4 Kings – Part 3

Welcome to the third post in this series. I hope you’ve enjoyed the first two posts. If you’ve not seen the first two posts, please have a look on the blog.

Let’s get right into today’s post!

Amon (2 Kings 21: 19 – 26; 2 Chronicles 33: 21 – 25)

Enthroned – 22 years old
Tenure – 2 years
Death – Assassinated

I think it’s worth mentioning that there is a very limited amount of information on Amon in the Bible; as such this post will be looking into the impact of his ancestry on his short life and what we and learn from that.

For the short period that Amon reigned as king, he was not a very good king. He followed the behavioural patterns he had seen in his father for most of his life. He worshipped idols and refused to follow the ways of God.

Presumably for most of his life, he witnessed his father’s tyranny to his people, his siblings and indifference to God.

Interestingly, he did not learn from his father’s conversion experience. I do not know what conversations were had or perhaps if any conversations were had regarding his father’s experience. Did Manasseh try to warn him to mend his ways? Did he leave him to his devices?

He decided to try to out-do his father’s evil deeds and unfortunately that did not end well for him. His own officials conspired against him and assassinated him in his palace. Begs the question of what kind of king they thought he was, probably not very highly esteemed.

His father’s (Manasseh) conversion was not enough to undo the destruction God has promised to Hezekiah’s (his grandfather) generations. Amon also did nothing to try to stave off that impending doom that was surely on the horizon following Manasseh’s capture. Did he perhaps resign to his fate and think “oh well we’re all going to be destroyed, might as well go down swinging” (which was like his father’s attitude initially, See Post 2).

Some scholars (and Jewish apocrypha) believe Amon thought he could do things like his father, that is, he planned to cram in all the evil deeds he could and when he was old, he would ‘repent’ and turn to God and things will be alright (eventually). However, this was not how things went. His assassinators did not get the memo! We can learn from this that we cannot and should not postpone doing the right thing. We do not know what the future or even tomorrow holds. We cannot plan to repent or be good tomorrow; tomorrow is not guaranteed. If you know you’re doing something wrong or God has asked you to do something, get to action. Don’t delay, not from fear or doubt or anything else!

This story of Amon does make me think. The decisions we make and the behaviour we display might cause more enduring problems for others, even though we can rectify them for ourselves. That’s why the Bible asks us to be careful what we do. If we think something we are doing might cause someone else to sin or might be injurious to someone else’s (Christian) journey, then kindly refrain from doing it [1 Corinthians 8:9, Romans 14: 2, 13. People’s lives are fragile and yet very important.

I remember once when I was younger, I used to read Mills and Boons (romance, erotic fiction etc) {and for some people that’s not a big deal} and whilst it did not completely seat well with me, I carried on. I read other genres as well so that did not constitute the entirety of my reading repertoire. By association and probably because they were available, one of my friends (who actually wasn’t much of a reader) started reading these books as well. I tried to dissuade her, but it is difficult to dissuade someone from doing the same thing you’re doing (HYPOCRISY at its peak!!). Anyway, some years down the line I realised I had to stop reading these books and so (with some difficulty), I stopped reading them. I hoped my friend would also stop and tried to convince her to give them up, but I could not. Now this is perhaps a simple example but really, we need to be careful what we expose people to because even if we might get free from whatever the habit it, they might not be so ‘lucky’. In stead of erotic fiction, it might be porn, substances such as marijuana, cocaine, **insert other harmful substances/behaviours**. Please speak to someone who cares about you and will help you. It IS possible to be free from anything that plagues you! It might be hard, but it is possible.

References

http://gallery.euroweb.hu/html/m/michelan/3sistina/6lunette/07/lu07hez.html, Public Domain, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=48195114

Posted on December 3, 2019December 11, 2019 by Sinmi 0

A Tale of 4 Kings 2 – Manasseh

Hello, hello! I hope you enjoyed the first post in this series. I know it was quite long so well done for reading it to the end … because you did right 😏😉 haha. If you did not, I’m not judging you but no time like the present eh? You’ll be glad to know that was the longest post for this series, all others will be much shorter, this one included. So, let’s crack on!

Manasseh (2 Chronicles 33 vs 1 – 20; 2 Kings 21 vs 1 – 18)

Enthroned – 12 years old
Tenure – 55 years
Death – natural

Manasseh was the son of Hezekiah who succeeded him as king. He started off being a pretty bad king and undid a lot the good that his father had instituted in the land of Judah. He killed lots of people (purportedly including Isaiah the prophet¹ who served in his dad’s era) and consulted witched and mediums. He subsequently repented and turned to God.

Circumstances of his repentance

He was captured by the Assyrians and taken to Babylon (about 1, 000 miles away) in chains. They put a ring in his nose 😢😱😱 He got a huge serving of humble pie and turned to God in this time of distress 🙇🏼‍♂️🙇🏼‍♂️🙇🏼‍♂️. God was moved by his request🤯🤯 (It’s a good thing I am not God 🙈🤦🏽‍♀️still working on understanding justice and mercy; #thisjourneycalledlife #growing #careaboutthejourney). He was taken back to Jerusalem and THEN he realised that the Lord alone is God (2 Chron 33 vs 13).

On his return to Jerusalem, he got rid of the altars for the idols and restored the altar of God in the temple. The people continued to make sacrifices at pagan shrines, though they were to the Lord.

Points

Formative years

He must have grown up during the extension (extra 15 years) of his father’s life. This was the era where his dad did not appear too bothered about God (all speculation) and Manasseh might have picked up on that. Also, Hezekiah did not appear concerned about the fate of his generations. Could Manasseh have rebelled as a result? Did he perhaps think, “we’re screwed anyway, might as well go all out!”

I think his upbringing did have an impact on him. I tried to investigate whether Hezekiah had other sons, but nothing was forthcoming. I’m unsure of what the impact of (potentially) being the only son had on Manasseh’s personality and character.

In essence, children learn largely by observation (at least in the initial periods) so they pick up nonverbal cues from those around them. We need to be careful how we act around children. What example are we portraying? You can tell a child not to do something till you’re (or they’re) blue in the face but if your actions don’t line up with your words, you best believe you are wasting your time. Be the person you want them to be.

Repentance

He sincerely repented. Unlike his father (latter part of his life), he recognised the truth, realised the impact his actions had on himself and his kingdom and he repented. Many of us, myself firmly included, would question this hardship-induced repentance and conversion. However, as the Bible says in other parts (Psalm 44 vs 21; Jeremiah 17 vs 10), God knows the heart of man. We can only cast aspersions and speculate but God saw the real state of his heart and took him back. Manasseh really did try to undo some of his previous damage by destroying the altars and idols he built. He worshipped God at the end of his life. I’ve been unable to find out the time interval between his conversion and when he died. I wonder if he had enough time to properly fix some of the issues he had caused.

I’ve always wondered about predestination vs human choice. I used to think if God has decreed a certain thing then surely human are helpless to change the outcome of that. However, Manasseh repented. I did not see it happening. I think it changed the narrative temporarily and showed God’s flexibility and ultimate goodness.

In conclusion, it is ironic to see Manasseh’s life take the opposite pattern of his father’s where he starts off being tyrannical and ends up doing things God’s way. There are questions over the impact of his upbringing on his character and also how much time he had to repair the damage he caused and indeed whether his ‘repairs’ had any lasting effect on his people and his kingdom. For me, this story also raised the issue of pre-destination vs free will (human choice) and teaches me that we (almost) always have a choice to make between our own way and God’s way.

Manasseh By Mary Jane Chaignot https://www.biblewise.com/bible_study/characters/manasseh.php

Posted on November 26, 2019December 11, 2019 by Sinmi 0

A Tale of four kings – Part 1

As I hinted in my last post, this new series is going to be about a family. I am going to briefly discussing four generations of this family and examining each person in turn. There will be weekly posts for the next four weeks.

The family is a lineage of kings in the Bible [but I think everyone can (hopefully) identify something they can relate to … so, if you’re not religious, this is not your cue to leave 😌]. They are kings of Judah, the southern kingdom, who lived eons of years ago. The first king we will be looking at is Hezekiah.

King Hezekiah – Patriarch

Enthroned – 25 years old
Tenure – 29 years
Death – natural

I am starting with Hezekiah because I’ve chosen him as the patriarch of this family. I found his story quite interesting whilst reading in the book of 2 Kings chapters 18 – 20 and 2 Chronicles chapters 29 – 32.

Side note – the books of Kings and Chronicles tell the same stories from different perspectives; so, many times they complement one another.

Background

Hezekiah was a good king, a much-needed respite from the spate of bad kings of Judah who had led the people away from God’s ideals. These kings had introduced idol worship and had substituted God for lesser gods who they looked to for their needs. Obviously, God was not happy about this and had been warning the people, through his prophets, to change their ways.

He was revolutionary from the kings who were before him and basically went on a rampage destroying and trying to undo all the damage they did. He actively took on the existing, warped religious system which would have taken a lot of courage. He destroyed many of the altars and tried to set things right according to God’s standard. He did such a good job that the Bible says, “there was no one like him among all the kings of Judah” (2 kings 18 vs 6); he was in a league of his own.

He faced some terrifying times when a foreign king tried to lay siege to Jerusalem (his capital) as well as other cities of Judah. After trying to sort things out on his own (and failing woefully), he asked God for help and God got rid of the bad guys for him.

Around this time, God gave Hezekiah a heads up that he was going to die and basically told him to put things in order (aka do the needful 😅😅). Hezekiah wasn’t ready to die so he asked for an extension, a new lease of life … interestingly, he was granted it. He got 15 (yep that’s right FIFTEEN) years extra.

During this time, he made the mistake of showing some foreigners (with questionable motives) his treasures, every last one of them. God had intentionally withdrawn from him to “see what was in his heart” and his actions portrayed elements of self-sufficiency, considering all he had been through with God and come through.

I’ve got some ideas from reading around on the matter.

Pride: perhaps he thought to himself that he had overcome both death and war and damnation from his enemies. So, he wanted to show off his majesty and splendor to his visitors.
People-pleasing – he might have wanted to impress his visitors (Babylonian) and how relevant he was. The visitors potentially wanted an ally in him and showing them his treasure was perhaps a way of indicating that he would be a good ally and had many resources at his disposal. Ironically, in later generations, the Babylonians captured his son and other generations of Judah and they were exiled.

Back to his mistake, God was not pleased with him, so he sent him a message stating that Judah was going to be destroyed. The people would be captured and taken as exiles to a foreign land. Now back in those days, this was a terrifying prospect. It was not going to be a nice holiday to another part of the world. They would most likely become slaves (even if they became high level officials), they were none the less slaves. This would cause many problems for the people of Judah, such as language barriers, cultural barriers and there were no (perhaps few) human right activists in those days. So, it looked bad all round. Considering how vigorously Hezekiah had opposed and sought help to be free from the previous oppression, he was apathetic about this newly predicted impending doom. As long as he won’t be affected personally by the hardship to come, he was not bothered!

Points

Do we really need what we want?

Hezekiah did not want to die and that’s not a bad thing. Most of us don’t want to die yet, if given the option. I’ve previously and even now still pray for people to be healed and life to extended/renewed. When people die, it’s a sad moment and sometimes we ask why and just can’t grasp how someone so good and kind dies presumably before their time.

This story is making me reconsider my approach. Hezekiah wanted more time and yet that extra time he had cost him and indeed his generations a lot. He could have died with his good name and works intact and yet he chose what seemed good.

Sometimes what we think we want is not what we actually need nor what is good for us. Sometimes we pray fervently for someone to be healed and their life extended and yet we do not know why that situation is occurring in the first place.

The sickness he had was not as a result of sin or from the devil or anything like that (as far as I can tell). We are so quick nowadays to view illness or problems as a punishment from God, attack from the devil or consequence of sin. What if it’s none (not always) of those things? How about if we ask about the purpose of the situation?

Am I saying we should never pray for healing (or other situations)? Definitely not! We know that one of the reasons Jesus died was to restore our health so we can ask God for healing. However, it is important to ask and try to clarify what the purpose of that particular situation is. What is God trying to teach me through this experience, as unpleasant as it may be.

When my aunty died, I was absolutely heartbroken. I had so many hopes and dreams for her that were not realised and my heart ached. However, even though my heart aches when I think of her, I know that this happened for a reason. I do not know what the reason is, but God knows. If it was better for her to go than for her to stay here on earth, then I’m fine with that. It’s hard pill to swallow but swallow it I must.

Selfishness has consequences

Selfishness may not seem to cost us anything because after all we get what we want right? Wrong! There’s always an aftermath for every decision we take. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction (Newton’s third law of motion).

I’m not sure what other reasons there might be for his apathetic reaction to God’s judgement for his descendants and for Jerusalem, his beloved city.

Recognise –> Realise –> Repent

It is not enough to recognise what has gone/been done wrong. We must also realise what the implications of our actions. We must realise and seek to understand the whys. Only then can we truly repent and seek forgiveness from God.

To repent is to do a full 180° (or whatever angle you chose as long as it’s not 360° 😅) and go the other way, the better way.

These are some of the things that I have learnt from Hezekiah’s life. They are MY opinions and one of the free things in life is our opinions. You might disagree with what I’ve written but I hope this has got you thinking a little bit.

If there are other things you’ve noticed please share in the comments below.

Posted on November 19, 2019November 20, 2019 by Sinmi 2

Breathe

The thoughts of a Sinmi girl

Breathe

Category: Uncategorized

Sexually inappropriate behaviours

George Floyd: our continued struggle with racism

My tribute to a Hero: My Grandmother – Edith Bolupe Aiyelaagbe

Depression

Reveal-ution

New year, new …

A Tale of 4 Kings – Part 4

A Tale of 4 Kings – Part 3

A Tale of 4 Kings 2 – Manasseh

A Tale of four kings – Part 1

The thoughts of a Sinmi girl

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